ALICE'S LETTER TO HER READERS.

Otago Witness, Issue 1916, 6 November 1890, Page 37

ALICE'S LETTER TO HER READERS.

I have read my correspondents' letters re "model husbands and wives with a good deal of interest, and now supposing I were going to draw a portrait of a husband as I should like him to be : First and foremost of all qualifications, he must love me. Not with any preconceived idea of love, or rather the outpicturing of it from novels or plays, where the hero is made to go into all sorts of raptures and passionate outpourings at the precise when the heavens and surToundings make a picturesque background; but at all times and at all seasons when I approached him I should like to see •deep gladness come into his eyes which -would tell me, " You are my mate whom I have chosen." I should like to feel his trust in me, to be sure that he was certain of my love for him ; so certain that he would give me liberty— not " harmless liberties," as the old saying goes, to indulge in " innocent flirtations," but liberty of soul and individuality to use my instincts and influence as a woman and as an independent being — not against him, but as one wrn must not, dare not, confine all I might be or become to the servile, slavish wish to have no thought or desire aparb from his, unless his were higher than mine. If his aims were higher, iE_ he were indeed the stronger, I should ask him not to pander to my weakness or smile at my folly and littleness bpcause I am a woman, and treat me like a petted doll, but to recognise the fact that I am a living soul, with just as great responsibilities as he, and just as great capabilities, and without a weak yielding to my weakness, or a cold contempt of it, ever lovingly seek to lift me, little by little, to a higher level, nor be content for me till I had climbed to the highest. Understand me, I do not mean ambition for this earth's good alone. Ambition is only the shadow of aspiration, and aspiration is the desire to grow. I should rejoice in strength — strength of body 1 Yes. As the outpicturing of health of mind, but in another strength than this which has in its analysis rightmindedness, justice, charity, pityfulness, energy, and such like things. Strength which is too fearless to be turned from right because of misconstruction, and too humble to esteem itself highly, severe to none, and on nothing but that Self which is the god of the world. I should like him to be what you understand by "a broad-minded and large-hearted man," which means that he could see your reasons as well as bis own, and find room in his affections for all the "world — not all the respectable world, but all the world,— and feel nothing but an infinite pity for wrongdoers, except added to pity was a desire to aid. I should not mind what windings his way took up or down from an outward view, so long as there was a purpose in it ; but an aimless drifting, even if the drifting were through sunny scenes, would be an indescribable pain. A god, you say ? No, a man— very manly, but a man. Nor would I expect inexperience to present all this, but each day to lead on to it. He would be without fault, you think 7 No, he would not ; but he would have recognised the purpose of his being, and the world would be the better for his living. I would rather that he was than that he did ; that he was and did not seem. Then what would any little personal habits or failings count, so that the individuality shone through? You know that Emerson says the way to mend the bad world is to " create the right world," and if he were doing that he would not be picking faults in me or you, but set us an example ; nor to create that right world need he be a preacher only in his acts, nor need they be far fetched and uncommon, but by blacking his own boots instead of scolding that they were not done, teach a lesson against vulgarity. You will never find such a man, some girls will say. You will find in the world just what you give the world. I must quote Emerson to you again: "That only which we have within can we see without If we meet no gods, it is because we harbour none. If thert is grandeur in you, you will find grandeur in porters and sweeps." " You must say of nothing • that is beneath me,' nor feel that anything can be out of your power." What a test stone to a man ! We women should forget to be lcoking at the cut of the clothes or the position if we were occupied in discerning the invisible. A man who can dignify the most menial task, not resting there without energy, at the bottom of tbe hill, but feels that nothing is out of his power, is a " lord of creation." Have you ever felt the full significance of those words ? It does not mean an idle boasting, an arrogant assumption that because male he must be superior. It means one who, moving among the common things of earth and all that earth produces of good or evil, of pleasure or pain, is still governing his surroundings, not governed by them. A lord — master of creation — needs no set rules of life, no set creed, no certain foods to eat or liquids to drink, no certain times to laugh or mourn, or certain days on which to perform certain deeds ; he is stronger than and above it all. He uses and is not subject to any of these things, and his mind is above the fear of aught doing him an evil. They cannot wrong him ; he is their master. His looks % Well, what could he look like

if his manhood had been growing year by year ? What but noble and brave if his fear was not that any man should defraud him, but lest he should defraud any man ? How could he look mean ? How foppish if his chief care was to be great 7 What but a gentleman if chivilric thought and action, and gentle forbearance was the motive power 1 I should like to grow with such a mate, good a? he was, and wherever his way might lead be beside him. Ab, women! don't ask a man to be all yours, but while you rejoice in the close companionship that makes him specially yours, desire for him that the best in him may grow and grow too large to be all absorbed in one other little life ; and while his very special care and love is yours, above all others, care more that he shall love all men. The love that would seek to cramp the soul of its mate is falsely named. Leave the bird free use of its wings ; it may soar high up and sing, but it will return to its nest. The jealous selfishness that grudges the glance of an eye, even after a noble thing, is poor and weak, and must suffer much before it has attained its perfection. Regard one another, not only as bodies to be petted and made beautiful, but as minds to seek and test, and try and learn, to be respected, whether the case be male or female, and know that the " stronger vessel " is the one which has grown the most, whether wife or husband. I think that wife who gently and with patience endures tbe domineering commands of a self - satisfied husband stronger than the man whose love is not great enough to teach him self-control and forbearance. I think that woman who refuses to live a lie in a life of lawful hypocricy for the sake of ease and protection, stronger than the man who asks her so to degrade herself ; and I think the man who, out of the gentleness of an abiding love, is pitiful to weakness and tender to distress, stronger than the man whose opinions must be the law of wife and child, without their privilege to think or feel apart from him, who declares " this is my house, my wife, my children, and my money, and they shall have none other god but me."

No one has a right to insist. No one. The way that the Almighty has taken to teach you may not be the way He is taking with that being of your fondest love. Do not expect your closest companions to sacrifice for you their inner consciousness, which is their conscience. A thing looks blue to you ; well, you were trained blue — blue is in your bones, and your parents gave you blue speotacles. Your husband or your wife may see things rose, and look where they will, everything is rose. Blend the colours. No woman loves a man who not only asks that she shall walk beside him all his life, bub that she shall walk blindfolded in his boots. No woman loves a man who deshes him to see nothing, hear nothing in the whole of the infinite universe but her face, her voice ; but he will see the reflection of it in the sunlight and starlight, in the flowers and the sky if the same principle that works in them beautify it. If she be good all goodness will be a part of her, and if he be great all greatness will draw her nearer to him. Our best friend is one who can make us do our best.

The Carisbrook tennis season was to have been opened last Saturday, but the weather being so unfavourable it was postponed.

On Wednesday evening the Catholic Literary Society gave a ladies' evening, quite a large number of invitations being issued. The schoolroom was transformed into a drawing room, handsome curtains hanging at the windows, the floors carpeted and strewn with lounges, easy chairs, gipsy tables, &c., tete-h-Ute fashion, and in this comfortable style a most delightful evening was spent listening to a programme which did the utmost credit to those concerned, in the intervals partaking of delicious refreshments and talking gaily to one's friends. Flags and evergreens were suspended from the roof, and lovely baskets of ferns that made one envious. Among those present who were looking very nice were Mrs Ferguson, Mrs Baldwin, Miss Popplewell, Miss Walsh, and Mrs and Miss Weldon. The bishop occupied an easy chair in the centre of a group of those who have the affairs of the society at heart, among them, Mr Haughton, Mr J. P. Armstrong, and Father Lynch, who is to be complimented and congratulated on the success of the society of which he has been one of the mainsprings. There are, I believe, 34 young men members, and these wore white ribbons on the coats, and made during the evening very attentive hosts. Miss Popplewell, who accompanied and sang several lovely songs in her own sweet way, was dressed in white out of compliment I presume, to the badge of the club. The material was nun's veiling very simply made, with turn-down collar and full sleeves, the gathered bodice being fastened at the waist by a white silk scarf, and one white flower nestled in her hair. She sang "Sylvia," which was encored. The programme opened by the club's orchestra most creditably performing " Caliph of Bagdad," and after Miss Popplewell's song, a very funny lecturette, " Wanderings in America," by Mr J. P. Armstrong, followed. Miss Walsh (who was in blask) sang in a most musical voice, " Close to the threshold" ; and Mr Rossitter then gave us his " Onslow waltz." After the interval, " Life's dream is o'er" followed, by Messrs E. W. Dunne and W. Woods, the latter having a particularly fine voice. Mr S. Simmonds then gave us a good recitation. Next came Mrs Angus with " The Kerry dance," which was admirably sung. Mrs Angus looked very well in navy blue. The quartette, " Daleymaple," closed the evening's proceedings, which had been most enjoyable thronghout.

Labour Day got up a big opposition in the wind. How it did blow I But ths sky was clear, and everyone that could be was abroad. It reminded one of the Exhibition opening, only the occasion was not so joyous, many uf the poor fellows taking part doubtless with very heavy hearts. The decorations were very creditable, and the butcher' showed excellent taste. There were some fine animals among their horses, which wore brightcoloured ribbons, and the carts were tastefully decorated, one being specially pretty — a mass of white clematis. "A non-union horse," a poor lean creature, created much fun ; but really the non-unionists aro not the ones that are growing lean. The bakers were a sore trial to boys with big appetites. There was a large show of them in nice white

aprons and caps, a number carrying mortar boards bearing bride cakes, buns, &c, and the cooks and stewards also looked well, A fine, strapping lot of fellows, too, they were, and it was a pity to see them where they were. They wore blue coats and white trousers, and altogether looked far too obliging and nice to be out on strike. Many ladies have very pleasant recollections of their kindness and courtesy on board the boats. Amid so great a display of banners and decoration one ludicrous little bit set me off into a fit of laughter from which I have scarcely yet recovered— the sweeps. There were two of them, one carrying a banner, the other brushes. The others may have been up the chimneys somewhere. I really must apologise for laughing, for I share with my sex a great veneration for sweeps. The Garrison Band headed the procession, and several other bands and the pipers came at intervals. In the afternoon the sports were better patronised than they have ever been before, and that is saying a good deal. They were crowded in spite of a most disagreeable gale of wind.

Herr Wincklemann's concert in tbe Garrison Hall was a grand success, musically, the Dunedin Orchestral Society and the Leidertafel giving several fine selections. The audience might have been larger, but it was a very fair house. I noticed the Mayor aad Mrs Roberts, Sir Robert and Lady Stout, Mrs Lindo Ferguson, Mrs Michie, Miss Mackerras, Mrs Ross, Miss Marshall, Miss West, and many other lovers of music present.

[To ensure publication in the forthcoming lssns letters must reach the Witness oflioe not later thau Saturday night.]

bachelors' ball at hampden.

The Hampden bachelors' ball, held on Friday, 24th ult,, was laigely attended. Amongst the ladies present I noticed MreE, Lefevre,grey tweed and silk trimming ; Miis Littlo, white dress with pink ; Miss M'Kerrow, brown tweed ; Miss Orbell, grey cashmere, velvet bodioe and white ; Mrs A. Carmichael, brown cashmere with white ; Miss Oarmichael, grey embroidered dress ; Mra Ward, white dreas with cardinal ; Misses Budge (3), blue with cream laco overskirt, white bodice, white and pink and white respectively ; Mrs M'Kenny, flowered skirt, white bodice, and pink sash ; Mrs Johnston, maroon velvet ; Mias Culling, palo green trimmed with dark green ; Miss M. M'Kanzia ; black, low bodied dreas, elbow sleeves; Miss N. M'Kenzie, black with red roses ; Mißs Richardson, white dress ; Mish Mewhinney, dark green with black velvet ; Miss A. Campbell, grey tweed, white vest, and ribbons; Mrs Hull, maroon caihmere with maroon silk ; Mrs Sandager, pansy coloured silk, black lace ; Mrs Hennaprhan, black dress and cardinal ; Miss Nicolson, white embroidered dress, pink vest ; Miss Kirton, helio trope caihmere ; Mrs F. Laurenson, black with white ribbons ; Miss Oliver, white dreas, maroon plush ; Mias Booth, black, pale blue trimmings ; Miss Ward, black silk with striped plush ; Miss M. Lefevre, white with pink ; Miss Craig, oream with blue satin ; Miss Cameron, white with blue Liberty silk; Missea Patereon (2). grey dress, white front, old gold trimmings, and blue and grey dresa respeotively ; Misses Fagan (2), grey ohecked drees, white body, and groy cheoked dreas ; Miss Wilson, black cashmere and cardinal ; Mrs Howie, brown skirt, pale blue bodioe ; Mißsea Hodgson (2), dark green dress, oheck trimmings, and white dresa with pink ; Miss Davidson, black dress ; Misses Murcott (3), cream ombroiderod .dress, white dress with cardinal, and white dresa with pink ; Miss Dorreen, white dresß, pink sash ; Mrs Dick, brown tweed, with ribbed velvet ; Mrs Parker, white dress, black cuffb and collar' Miss M'Leod, white with cardinal ; Miss Forbes, white with black ; Mrs Walker, cream dress with brown plush ; Miss Duffie, white with pink; Misses Lunnam (2), black dresses. There were numerous other ladies whose names I did not know. White dresses predominated. The music was supplied by Meßsrs J. Mann and Nalder ; Mr N. Caldwell made an efficient M.O. The hall was filled to overflowing, and the bachelors' ball of 1890 was a great success. — Onlooker,

BALL AT LEE STREAM.

A farewell ball was given to M'ss Burnside at Traqaair woolnhed, kindly lent by Mr Crawford on Friday evening, tho 24th ult., about 25 couples heing present. Among the ladies I noticed Mies Ewart, white embroidered dress, black ribbons; Miss Burnside, white dress, blue ribbons ; Miss L. Burnside, black dress, cream sash; Mies Anderson, sky blue skirt, white bodice; Miss A. Aitken, cream print; Miss J. Aitken, white drese, red ribbons ; Mian C. Ferguson, black Bkirt, white bodice ; Miss M. Ferguson, black skirt, white bodice ; Miss G-. Little, black skirt, white bodies ; Miss Watt, white dress ; Miss A. Watt, drab, red bodioe. Excellent musio was supplied by Mr T. Matbieaon, and songs were rendered during the evening by tbe Misßes Burnside, Mrs Carney, and Messrs W. Niohol, Wilkie, and M'Laren. Messrs Snow and Wilkio noted as M.O.'a— An Admiber of the Fair Sfx,

BALL AT BEAUMONT.

Description of dresses — Mi»s Brooks, grey embroidered dress, blue ribbons; Mies E. Brooks, fawn cashmere, silk vest, bins sash ; Miss Henry, velvet body, cream nkirt; Miss A. Henry, velvet body, blue skirl ; Mies Carson, blaok dress, pink ribbons ; Mies Ph:llippn, black dress with jet trimmings; Miss E. Phillipps, white embroidered drees, blue sash ; Miss Gumming, pink dress, plush trimmings ; Miss Bennet, lavender satin broche, tartan sash ; Miss Milne, white ernbroidored dress, pink sash ; Miss M'lntyre, white drens, piDk saeh ; Mice Eadie, white dro-iP, blue sa^b. There were lots of other p-etty dresses too numerous to mention. —Violet.

BALL AT MAKARKWA.

The members of the Mnkarewa Football Club closed the season with a ball on Friday, the 24th ult,, which proved to be a very nuccoesful affair, and reflected much credit on it 3 promoters. The schoolroom was tastefully deco rated with ferns and flags, and a football suspended from the ceiling gavo it a vury striking appearnnce. The music was supplied by the Messra Blue (4), a family widely known for their musical talent. Mr J. Butler acted as M.O. An excellent spioad was supplied by J. Kinglond. About 40 couples took part in the grand march. Among a fow of the prettiest drc-peos worn I noticed Mi-s Hogva (vvbo \va3 docidorlly belle), wbile muslia drtsa trioamod with kcj, palo blue ribbon aad silk gloves, md evoking flower 1 ? to match ; Misz Tomlinson, white dross, pink satin vest and glovßa ; Miss Wilson, white muslin dreaa with rose pink s^sta ribbons, end g!o\os to match ; Micj L JVlqe, bhek dross with pile Uuo Liberty r.ilk H\sh, fhwevi, glove*, and fan to match ; Miss Crowe, cr?ani drees trimmo'l with pink ; Mr 3 Ackers, white embruiderw! dreoa with pink sash ribbons, gloves and fan ; Misses Fahey (2), white and pink drawn ; Miss Rftllia, white drees with rod sash ; Mm Batljr, navy ekirfc nnd white bodice ; Mra Wilson, navy blue skirt and piDk bodice trimmed with laco ribbons ; Mrs Dalton, wbit6 tulle skirt, satin bodice ; Miss Sheffelbein, ore&ra dress,

oardinal Hash. There were a number of other very pretty dresses that time and space will not permit me to mention. Songs, step dances, and recitations were rendered at intervals, which were very much appreciated. Dancing was kept up with spirit to an early hour, and all seemed well pleased with their night's enjoyment. — Ivy,

oddfellows' social at waikouaim,

On tbe evening of the 24th ult. tbe members of this society gave a VBry enjoyable entertainment, consisting of a danoe interspersed with songs. The Bro3. Blair and Grant acted vary efficiently as M.O.s, the musio being supplied by several of our leading mpsioians. Tho ladies present all looked charmiDg. A few of their costumes I shall now describe. Mrs J. Maxwell, dress of black oashmere with satin to match ; Mrs Stewart, handsome costume of old gold nun's veiling ; Mrs John Allen, handsome costume of brown with pink ribbons ; Mrs R. Bell, stylish costume of pale blue Surah with ribbons and flowers to match ; Miss Yates, brown velvet ; Miss Carson, striped costume with pink ribbons and gloves to match ; tbe Missss Malloch were daintily attired in goblin blue with blaok sashes ; Miss Brown, costume of salmon cashmere relieved with black velvet J Misses Valentine, blaok costumes with white flowers; Miss Wise, oream faille with coral ribbons ; Miss Bowling, pretty costume, pale blue, dark blue sash ; Miss Annan (belle), handsome costume of black laoe ; Miss M. Macauly, pretty dresa of biscuit brown, satin and ribbons to match ; Miss Diack, costume of oigar brown and plush to matoh ; and several other ladies in handsome costumes whose names I did not know. — Invited Guest.