FUN AND FANCY.

Otago Witness, Issue 1906, 21 August 1890, Page 42

FUN AND FANCY.

— Under every garment of Backcloth and ashes you will find some bits of flauutiug colours. , — There is nothing in vshich people betray their character more than in what they find to laugh at. — When a man tells his acquaintances that he is sorry he ever got married, it : is safe to assume that his wife is sorry, too. • • — An Irish peasant, haunted by wicked fleas, said : " It's .not the bit they eat that I grudges them; it's the continual trampling that fairly wears the life out of me." • — Indignant Landlord (to tenant of flat) : " I thought you said that all your children were grown up, and here you've got these noisy children in the house." Tenant. : " Yes, these are my grandchildren." , •— " Does.Miss Hysee sing 7 " asked a man of a friend who had just introduoed him to a young lady. " Well, that's largely a matter of faith." "It depends altogether on which you believe— her mother or her neighbours." ABOUT THE SI2K OF IT. Ware melaaoholy analysed We'd find the cause of sorrow Nothing that troubles at the time, But what may hurt to-morrow. ' — " You see," said Uncle Job, "my wife's a cur'dus woman. . She scimped, and saved, and almost starved all of us to get the parlour furnished nice, and now she won't let one of us go into it, and hain't even had the window blinds of it open for a' month. She is. a cur'ous woman." ; Vis: tor (at the Zoo)': " I wonder if animals really think ? " Young but Cruel Wife : '•.Well, if they think at all, they really think. They don't go arourd and pretend to think, like some old fools I know." EVER BEHEMBERED. There are two moments of fullest bliss, That memory ever will save.— ' The one a woman's first love kits, ' The other a man's first shave. — " Are you sure you are strong enough for my work ? " " Oh, yes, sir, you may be sure as to that; Why, the last man I worked for was bigger than you, and I knocked him down and broke three of his ribs with one blow. 1 ' — •' Mother, I can never win the medal for good behaviour," exclaimed a boy just from school ; " I've tried and tried, but some other pupil always gets it." " But you must keep on trying," said his ■ mother, encouragingly. ".It's a clean waste Of goodness." ' — Mr Barkling (undergoing a medical examination for insurance) : " Are you going to punch me again like that, doctor ? " The Physician : " Ju6t once more." Mr Barkling : " Well, before you do it just have the policy made owt and signed, will you ? " Landlord (to tenant, who is very dilatory in paying his rent) : "■ \ am sure that you played football while at college." Mr Owehim : " What makes you imagine that ? " Landlord : " Simply beoause you are always a quarter back." " What speed has that horse got 1 " he asked of a coloured man, whose knockkneed animal was pulling a load of ashes. " Well, sab, dat depends," was the answer, "On what?" "On whar he am. Eight yere he probably won't do better dan a mile an hour, but when he is on the railroad track, wid a big freight train screamin' down upon him, he gits wings on his body and flies at de rate of a mile in 20 minits." VxwxWjV Discovbrt for thk Hair.— lf your hair is turning grey or white, or iallmg off. uio " The MKXiciJf Hair Benkwbr." for it will positively restore in every case Gray or White Hair to its original colour without leaving the diaagreeabje tmßll of most "restorers." It makes the hair charmingly beautiful, as well a» promoting the a owthof the hair on bald spots, where the glands ai-a not decayed. Ask your chemist for " Thk MsHCAH Hilß Bsncwßß." Sold by chemists and perfumert everywhere at it W per bottle. Wholesale depot, 38 Furlngdon road, tondon.-tAOTt J

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