ALICE'S LETTER TO HER READERS.

Otago Witness, Issue 1970, 22 August 1889, Page 33

ALICE'S LETTER TO HER READERS.

" Do you consider an engagement as binding as the marriage vow 1 " and "When once a promise of marriage is given can it be honourably withdrawn 1 " are questions that have been asked me this week. I am afraid I do not hold the orthodox views about engagements, and I only express my ideas when the question is put to me direct. We have all a right to our own opinions, but none whatever to expect our neighbours to endorse them. In matters so closely connected as engagement and marriage are with the life's happiness of man and woman, those concerned should be careful how they enter into irrevocable contracts. The indissolubility of the marriage tie should do what it does not do — prevent thoughtless engagements. Having once become engaged it seems to me far more honourable to break the engagement than to keep it only in letter. Where there ■ is that strong magnetic attraction for one another a couple will not need an engagement ring and an interchange of vows to bind them ; they will be true and marry of their own earnest wish; and when it is merely a question of holding the other to their promise, ten thousand times rather unlooseo the bonds. It is degrading to the i dignity of a man or woman to hold or be held in hopeless bondage, for marriage means all or nothing, and none should be dragged into it by promises given too hastily. Yet at the same time one must condemn as heartless i cruelty the wilful trifling with another's affections — the raising of hopes that were never meant to be realised. In any case, however, these hopes never will be realised if one of the contracting parties has lost charm for the other ; so what suffering has to be borne is best borne out of wedlock, as it is of a more hopeful nature. There seems to be in the social intercourse of the sexes no happy medium between flirtation and engagement. A man is quite justified in becoming intimately acquainted' with the character and disposition of a woman before he asks her to be his companion for life ; but unless he is not very careful some obliging friend will insinuate to him that has " gone too far " and must propose, which, if according to society's rules he is an honourable young man, he will do, whether he wants to or not. A woman, too, should be allowed an opportunity of judging whether hei* admirer is fitted to become her closest friend and guide before she promises to trust the nearest and dearest of her life's aims and hopes to Ms keeping ; yet if she encourages a man's companionship for a month without promising to be his wife Mrs Grundy vulgarly gives it out "that she ought to be ashamed of the way she been carrying on with him." It is very often difficult to reconcile the true honour and dignity of manhood aud womanhood with the prescribed honour of the world ; but whatever is false must be wrong, no matter how elegant are the i sophistries that would make' it appear right. What is true of a world is true of an individual. The world only retains the truth, j Ignorance has offered much that is false, but j as time has gone on knowledge has sifted, and is sifting, the true from the false, and only the true bears the test and abides. Fresh structures are built on old foundations ; the tower of knowledge grows higher and higher — here a stone and there the cement that binds one stone to another. If every fresh discovery proved all the past wrong there would be a continual building and rebuilding, and we should never get our tower with its observatory near the sky. So with a life. If the foundation is true you can go on building bit by bit. Some of the stones you must hew out of a jagged rock yourself, and perhaps carry weary ways ; but if you add these genuine experiences to a sure foundation you will have somewhere to flee to in flood time ; while if falsehood and wrong are the beginning of the structure it will never stand — it will tumble to pieces when put to the test, and you will have to start building all over again. " Other people do it — everybody does it " will serve you no further than starting you on a false track. You must be the judge of your own motives, and if you leave things of deep meaning to the preconceived ideas of others to decide for you, ten chances to one after toiling on a rough way for a considerable distance you will see a dead wall with the notice-board — "No thoroughfare." There are certain and many little society laws that must be obeyed. The violation of them is lawlessness, but they are simply the graceful adornments of life-r-the sunglintsand tiny ripples on the surface of the stream — , the mosses, weeds, and flowers .that the ' waters lave in their steady ceaseless flow ' to the sea, and no more interfere with the • under-current than if they were not there< -

So with a noble soul these snnglints and, flowers of polite life do but adorn it, and those who do not wish to see below the surface see nothing to offend, out everything to please, while those who wish to dive beneath find water there. To sum up, do all you can to please your fellow-men, but " to thine own self be true I " and if any are on a false track and know it, it is far more honourable to face the fact and I turn back, even if others must be disappointed, than because it is the custom of others to go on to ultimate distress. " Out of evil good may come ; " but not until the refining process has brought it forth. If you are in the furnace, bear the fire as bravely as you can, but do not deliberately walk into it with your eyes wide open. We — and when I say we, I mean a large portion of the feminine community — sincerely hope that the early closing movement, has not been abandoned. The shopkeepers' are only too anxious to meet the popular opinion in the matter, and what is put down perhaps to hard-heartedness and greed, arises from j the desire the old man in the fable met with i his misfortune through — namely, to please everybody. When society speaks of "everybody being there," it means everybody acknowledged by it to be of importance. Everybody, then, is in favour of early closing — that is, everybody whose opinion is worth having. In spite of the bad name the world has got, there are a goodly number who do care for the health ard happiness of their fellow creatures. Those who do not have no right to consideration in return, and ought to be put to as much trouble as possible. It is merely a question of partial convenience I against the health of a deserving and industrious part of the community. All work and no play makes Jack not only a dull, but a sick i boy, and with sickness comes loss of energy and ambition. It is a shame that part of the community should entirely have to sacrifice the intellectual, social, and domestio recreations of the evening to the thoughtlessness, shiftlessness, and want of method of another part. The do most of the shopping, and not one in ten would vote against early closing. If the shops are not open at night, why, purchasers will make an effort to shop in the daytime, never fear, for in this age people will find time to spend all the money they have to spend. The Orchestral Society gave their first ladies' evening on Thursday in the Garrison Hall. On arriving there one could have been pardoned for mistaking the place, so transformed was it. From the galleries all round the hall hung red twill draperies festooned in the most artistic manner and caught up with fans. The floor was carpeted, and seats were arranged,' drawing room fashion, in sociable little groups of lounges, low basket-cushioned chairs, settees, &c, while upon little tables stood pot plants, statuary, and programmes scattered about. Screens and drapings made the cosiest of corners, and when ladies and gentlemen in evening dress by hundreds began to fill the room the scene was both animated and picturesque. Mr Sydney Muir is to be congratulated upon the success of hia efforts. As secretary, much trouble naturally falls to him. There was a short musical programme, which -was, as usual, a feast. The overture, " Semiramide," being the favourite piece chosen by the public at the last concert, was repeated upon this occasion. The Liedertafel also emerged from their retirement and gave seveial delightful items. At the close of the concert refreshments were served upstairs, and while the visitors partook of the delicacies provided the carpets were cleared ' from the body of the hall, and shortly afterwards, to the sweet strains of the orchestral band, lovers of dancing were moving in the waltz. There were four waltzes on the programme—" Pres de Toi," " Fantaska," " Gloire de Dijon," and "Un der Schonen blann Donan." Among the prettiest of the dresses I caught a glimpse of Mrs Chamberlain wearing a long-trained black velvet robe ; Miss Nevill, a handsome • combination of black satin lace and jet; Miss Horsey, slate-coloured striped silk; Mrs Perceton, an extremely pretty combination of cream lace and silk ; Mrs E. H. Bum", black silk Directoire robe with front of pale gold silk ; Miss Reynolds, a strikingly handsome combination of terra cotta and green silk, finished in picturesque fashion with coffee lace ; Miss F. Sise, pretty costume of white; Mrs Michie, handsome combination of white lace and silk; Mrs Muir, robe of black velvet relieved with white point lace ; Mrs Spring, gown of claret and gold; the Misses Irvine, in white; Madame Fodor, black merveilleux satin relieved with heleotrope} Miss Fodor, pretty gown of pink; Madame Joubert, handsome gown of black and gold ; Miss Joubert, pretty dress of red ,• Mrs Woodhouse, black satin and lace ; Miss Stanford, cream silk; Miss Bulau, pretty gown of black lace relieved with red ; Miss Henriques, black lace and orange silk ; Miss Driver, white Liberty silk; Miss Maitland, white silk ; Mrs Whitson, handsome gown of green and gold ; Miss Dymock, black net ; Mrs A. W. Morris, handsome black merveilleux ; Miss Morris, black lace; Miss May Morris, pale blue silk ; Miss Anderson, black lace relieved with ivy leaves ; Miss Wise, very stylish gown of pale sea green silk and net ; Miss Ross, remarkably pretty gown of white silk and net ; Miss Louie Mackerras, pretty dress of pale blue-nun's veiling ; Miss Monkman, handsome black lace ; Miss Ashcroft, black lace and amber satin ; Miss Rattray, blue silk; Miss Lowe, primrose silk; Miss Larnach, pale green silk; Miss Beswick, black lace. The Presbyterian Church at Mornington was crowded on Wednesday, 14th inst., to witness the marriage of Miss Kate Mitchell, daughter of Mr John Mitchell, of Clydehill, Mornington, to Mr William Lake, of Christchurch. The bride looked very nice in a handsome cream ottoman silk dress, fronticepiece of lace, and panels of watered silk. The train was very long, and the body trimmed with tulle. Among the other dresses was a stone-coloured Irish poplin, very stylishly made. The bridesmaids — Miss L. Mitchell, Miss Campbell, and Miss Wilson — wore cream Liberty Bilk trimmed with blue watered silk. The fronts were gracefully draped, with stylish backs and bodices trimmed prettily with blue. Mrs Mitchell wore a handsome black ottoman silk, the front of jet, with imderground of old gold, very.long train, and body trimmed with Honiton lace. There were a large number j of wedding presents. 1 The bride's trousseau/

which excited general admiration, was made by Miss Stockley, of Brown, Ewing, and Co, The " Cripple Club" (the afternoon linking club which meets on Monday and Thursday afternoons at the Palace Rink) gave an even-, ing entertainment on Wednesday, 14th, for the members of the club only. The club, which is quite a private affair, formed by some ladies and gentlemen amongst themselves, has been a great success this year, and makes a pleasant rendezvous during. the week in the winter months, when tennis and other outdoor amusements are aut of season* It was supposed in some quarters that rinking had died out, or at least -that many people had lost interest in it, but the fact of the " Cripple's " existence shows, at any rate, that a skating club managed and run on the lines it has been, will, still be a source of attraction to skaters. On the evening in question the doors were opened at 8, and soon after there were a large number of skaters skudding round the hall on the "rollers." The floor was in good order, and excellent musio was supplied by the band of the Engineers. I had no idea there were so many graceful and adept lady skaters in Dunedin, and it was a pleasure to sit and watch the figures cut by some of the more skilful performers. One lady in particular skated a pretty waltz step with great ease, which I much admired. "God save the Queen", was played at 10 sharp — a very good' arrangement, as it allowed the chaperones and younger members of the club to reach home at a reasonable hour. The grand march, in which some 44 skaters took part, was capitally led by Miss Fanny Jones, who had Mr J. C. Marshall as her partner, and was very well performed by all who took part in it. The various figure? were gone through with precision, and I particularly liked the last one, which consisted in all the skaters joining hands and skating round and round the hall in a large ring, and which made a very pretty and effective wind up to the march. There were present a large number of spectators, and amongst the many lady, skaters, I noticed Mrs Woodhouse, Mrs W. G. Neill, Mrs Melland, Mrs J. S. Williams, Mrs Stilling, Miss Ethel Jones, Miss Fanny Jones, Miss Isaac, Miss Dymock, Miss Kenyon, Miss Eeynolds, Miss Williams, the Misses Irvine, Miss Guydoline Roberts, Miss Henriques, Miss D. Jones, Miss L. Eoberts, Miss Morris, Miss Fodor, Miss Eliott, Miss Livingstone, Miss Stanford, and Miss Hodgkins. The committee are to be congratulated on a very pleasant evening, whichwill make an agreeable break in their usual club afternoon, and to a repetition of which I shall look forward with pleasure. Messrs J. C. Marshall and G. Fenwick, the secretaries, did all in their power to ensure the enjoyment of their guests. [To; ensure publication in the forthcoming issue letters must reach the Witness office iot later than Saturday night .J ODDFELLOWS' BALL AT LUMBDEN. This enjoyable event took place on the evening of the 9th Augutt. About 40 couples took the floor for fcho grand march to the mm io of two violins and one piano. Owing to the ball being late in opening, the sashes were- not changed at the 'regulation hour. Among the many pretty costumes present were the following:— Miss Anderson, white Indian muslin with heliotrope sash and flowers ; Miss Jones, white muslin skirt with pink satin bodice and silver flowers ; Mi3s Yardley, black Brussels nefe skirfe with black satin bodice and crimson plush .vest trimmings ; Miss Qreydon, white nun's veiling trimmed with pink satin ; Miss Powell, a very pretty cream dress with cardinal cheniile vest and ribbons; Misa Atkinson, cream basket cloth very slightly relieved with pale heliotrope; Mrs Kerr, pale blue sateen skirt with navy blue velvet bodice; Mis 3 Bailey, cream with pink trimmings; Miss Cameron, pink striped skirt and maroon velvet bodice ; Miss Herriott, cream and cardinal ; Miss Macdonald, pale blue; Miss Gibson',' white 'muslin dress trimmed with white lace and cardinal ribbons ; Miss Garthwaite, white dress with pale blue flowers and ribbons ; Mrs Howarth, white skirt with pink lace over skirt and pink satin vest; Miss Pickens, very pretty grey dress with pink flowers; Mrs Higginion, claret coloured silk relieved with white lace ; Mrs Meadows, black moire antique trimmed with white lace.— Vanity Filß.