How They Knew the Yankee.

Otago Witness, Issue 1942, 7 February 1889, Page 38

How They Knew the Yankee.

An American tells this story of his foreign experience :— One day, in company with an eminent clergyman of London, I was making my way towards the Thames Tunnel, when we were stopped by an itinerant vendor of pictures, who seemed to know my companion. • " Buy some of these pictures of the public buildings' of Lor don, sir," said he, " and you can give them to your American friend to take home with him." 1 was in a huiry, but my wonderment wonld have stopped me if I had been running to a lire. " How in creation did you know I was an American?" I asked. "Why, I couldn't mistake that, the pic-ture-seller replied, with a quiet laugh; " you're American all over." I purchased a picture and then asked him to explain himself. " I would know by your soft beaver hat, he said. " That is an American fashion." " Well, if it were not for that 1 " He glanced down at my feet. '. " Your' boots would betray you. Nobody bub Americans wear square toes." II Well, what else 1 " " Your chin whisker." " Well, anything more?" 11 If you won't be offended, sir 1 " « Not at all ; I ara seeking for information."' « I should know you by your thin, peaked face " « Well, friend," I said, " I fancy you are to the end of your dialogue now. Suppose that I wore a stiff high-crowned hat, roundtoed boots, mutton-chop whiskers, and had a face as red and chubby as any in Britain —would you be able to know me for an American then ? " » Certainly I should, as soon as I heard you speak," the fellow triumphantly answered. "You Americans invariably commence e7ery sentence with a * well.'" My English friend laughed aloud and long at the man's adroitness. "I believe he is more than half right, lie said. "See if your nationality is not detected everywhere you go." It was even so. In Paris I was importuned to buy a photograph of Lafayette, because he was " ze friend of ze Americans ; in Genoa a dirty vagabond was clamorous to exhibit to mo the house where Colombus was born, because he discovered the " Signor's great contree"; and at Alexandria the climax was capped by a ragged little descendant of the Phaorahs, vho besought me to take a ride on his donkey, "Strong donkey— fast donkey-nice Yankee Doodle donkey 1 " was his irresistible appeal, in the only English words he knew. A Bloomin 1 Peize Fighter.— Mr Justice Hawkins was once taken to be a member of the PR He was waiting to take his ticket at a railway station in Paris, at which there were a number of English roughs returning from the races, one of whom was very rude to him. The iudge remonstrated, whereupon the man became more insulting, and said that if he would ccme outside he would give him « what for." Sir Henry, who wears his hair cut very short, then took off his hat, thinking that as the men were probably of the criminal class they would recognise him, and quietly remarked : " Perhaps you do not know who I am ( Did the man in awe-stricken tones exclaim : » 'Awkins, by thunder ?" No what he said was : " S'elp me bob, a bloomin' prize-fighter I Not me!" and the iudge was not further molested. • ACCUSTOMED TO It.— Caller: "I posted you a letter a few days ago stating that I l>ad gent a ham to the starvipg family referred to in your columns." Provincial editor; "Yes; I ordered it to, e c pr "i' it'eame out in the paper that I had 1 stolen a ham from that starving family and was sorry for it.'" v p E . : " Dear me I It was a typographical error, of course. I sincerely hope you will believe me don't strike me." C • " I was only reaching for my pockethandkerchief, sir, to wipe the sweat of sympathy from my eyes. I know how you feel about it. I did not mind it. I only called to direct your attention to the blunder so that it might be corrected." P. E. : " You did not mind such a horrible error as that ?" , 0* '.'Qh, no, I am accustomed to such things! I used to be an editor myself." His Slight Deafness had Disap-PEABBD.-A good story has been going the round'of the. clubs, connected with-a ''chief., at Somerset House, who although ternbly deaf, can never be persuaded to acknowledge the fact. One of his subordinates, who was anxious to obtain a couple of days' leave of

absence, waited upon the great man a few days ago, and on entering the groom, exclaimed in a loud voice, " I'm glad, sir, to see that your deafness has almpst entirely disappeared." " Eh 1" said the chief, putting his hands to his ear. The remark was repeated and in a still louder tone, but with no result. Then the chief pushed a pencil and a paper pad over to the clerk, who coolly wrote, " I am glad, sir, to see that your slight deafness has almost entirely disappeared." The chief read the message, smiled, and then said " Thank you, Mr X— , ifc has. And now what can Ido for you 1" Of course the desired leave was granted, and that young man is looked upon as a candidate for high honours in ihe future.