FUN AND FANCY.

Otago Witness, Issue 1917, 17 August 1888, Page 38

FUN AND FANCY.

— Edison's Agent : " Wouldn't you like to buy a phonograph. It will store up everything you say and repeat it to you. Want inns-.?" Omaha Man: "No, got a wife." — O.naba World. . — At the Zoo — Maud (before the laughing hyena's cage) : "How provoking 1 Here we've b -.an 20 minutes and the hyena hasn't laughed oace ! " EHa : " Strange, and he's been eyeing your new'summer hat, too ! " — Speaking of the sloth, Sydney Smith says : "He moves suspended, sleeps suspended, rests suspended, walks suspended, and, in fact, passes his life in suspense, like a young clergyman distantly related to a bishop." — i' Dunn has good ears for music, hasn't he?" asked one member of a choir of another. " Well," was the reply, " he has good ears, l)u I didn'r know tuey were for music; I thought. th'\v were to brush the flies off the t>p of hi-> head with." ---A Pu'iiiienb Question. — Young Mr Bodg.jr Imd declared his passion and was ni'fti HMy awaiting his fate. "Mr Bodger," -he s.;ii:l, and the name, as she spoke it, fell upon his cars like music iv the night, " have you said anything to your mother about this?" — A Sheep Simile. — First Cattle Dealer *• Take a little singer ale in your whisky, Jock 1 " Second Cabtle Dealer : " Na, na, man ; takin' ginger ale in whusky's jist like hnulin' a ewe wi' kid gloves on ! Na, na; the rale grup fur me ! " Drinks neat. — Patience Exhausted. — Collector: " This is the last time I shall ask for the' amount of this bill." Delinquent: "Yes?" Collector: " Yes. Ihe next time I shall stand out in the street and yell for ib." — Young Wife: "John, I wish you would rock the baby." Young Husband : " What'll I rock the baby for 1 " Y. W. : " Because he is not very well. And what's more, half of him belongs to you, and you should not object to rock him." Y. H. : » Well, don't half belong to you?" Y. W, : "Yes." Y.,H. : " Well, you can rock your half, and let my half holler." — " Yes," said the sweet girl graduate in a burst of confidence, "my education is now complete, bub still I am nob albogebher happy, Mamma and papa, unfortunately, have a habit of pronouncing their words so oddly and they know so little of polite literature and the sciences, you know, that it really is quite a hardship for me to associate with them. — The following testimonial was given to a servant girl: "This is to certify that the bearer has been in my service one year less II months. During this time I found her to be diligent at the back door, temperate at her work, prompt at excuses, amiable towards young gentlemen, faithful to her sweethearts, and honest when everything was safe under lock and key." — Omnibus sbops ; smiling young lady enters; every seat full; an old gentleman rises at the other end. " Oh, don't rise ! " says the lovely girl. " I can just as well stand." "You can do just as you please

about that, miss,* says -the old 'man, "but I'm going to get out." —Caution to Bathing Men.— The following interesting notice is posted at a frequented seaside resort : " Any bathing man who sees a lady in danger of drowning, and goes into the water bo rescue her, will be careful to seize her by the dress, -and not by the hair, as the latter will most probably come off in his j hands." — Caffaro. — Never Consulted His Own Happiness. — She : " I hope, Mr Flank, we shall have the pleasure of your society at our reception ? " He (with self-abnegation) : " Aw, weally, my life is devoted to the gentle sex — of course I'll be there — I — aw — never consult my own happiness on such occasions."