Jeems Kayo on the Switchback.

Otago Witness, Issue 1917, 17 August 1888, Page 37

Jeems Kayo on the Switchback.

Yon switchback railway is an awfu 1 invention, Bailie. Betty an' Mr Pinkerton wanted tae go on when we were oot at the Exhibition the ither nicht, an' much against my will I consented. At Betty's suggestion I sat on the sate before her, tae protect her, as it were. Mr Pinkerton sat on the front sate wi' anither man, an' the last sate wis fully occupied. Then, jist as we were aboot tae start, a lad an 1 lass cam' up. The lass stepped in beside me, an' the lad had, much against his will, tae go in beside Betty. " Noo, young man," says Betty, as he sat doon, " see ye dinna squeeze me when it's goin' roon." I pitied the puir lari, for he had unco little roornf tae sit. It wisnajsac bad wi' me, for the lass crept close tae me, an', looking up wi' an innocent face, she says : " Can I trust you, sir ? Will ye take care o' me ? " " I will," says I. " Sit as close tae me as ye can. I'm a gran'faither mysel', an' I'll tak' quid care o' ye. If ye get dizzy when it's goin' roon put your arm roon me." " Jeems," says Betty, proggin' me wi' her umberella, " tell him no' tae go ower quick, for " " Steady, now, hold on," cries the man at the wheel; an' when I heard this, wi' my one haun I held yon' railing, an' wi' my ither I steadied mysel' wi 1 my umberella. We began tae move. Quicker, quicker, quicker— Jee-roosalam ! My hair stood up ; 1 gasped for breath ; I shut my een, an' felt as if I had had ower big a dinner ; then it seemed as if I hadna had a dinner for a fortnicht I Keekin' noo wi' one e'e, I saw, like the Psalmist, men as trees walkin'. After this I fell into a kind of dwam, wi' a singin' in my heid. A' this time the lass wis coorin* intae me, pittin' her arm roon my waist, cryin' "Oh ! oh ! " an' squealin 1 oot lood. But I could dae naething, so she had jist tae squeal. As we rushed doon yon awfu' brae I felt my heart sinkin' intae my boots. Then Betty fell forrit on me, an' knocked me against Mr Pinkerton. On hooever, we gaed, fleein' through air an' space. Then, a' o' a sudden, we seemed tae be turnin' upside doon. At least up, up, up we began tae go— up, up, up. In the midst o't I fell back against Betty, an' I heard her cryin' : " Oh, Jeems, which is you 1 " But I couldna tell, even if I had had breath. I didna ken which wis which. We were a' mixy-maxy — bereawa', thereawa'. As for me, my heid seemed tae be in one place an' my body in anither. Then Betty murmured : " Oh, my puir bairns ! Wha'U tak' care o' ye noo ? Oh, Jeems, can ye no' tell him tae stop?" Before, hooever, I codld think o' cryin' oot tae the man we began tae go doon again, an' the lass flung baith her arms roon my neck, so that I wis nearly suffocated as weel as frichtit alive. Then we gaed up, an 1 we gaed doon, an' back, an' forrit. Oh, bit it wis awfu' ! Jist as I wis wonderin' if I could jump oot we gaed a terrific bound up, for a' the worl' as if we were ga'un tae the moon, an' then, wi' a jerk, we cam' tae a stop, an' were assisted oot. I had tae staun a minute tae get ray breath ; Betty wis speechless an' purple ; while puir Mr Pinkerton wis as white as a tablecloth. As he saw me lookin' at him he says : " Oh, I've sich a stoon in my side ! If I had kent it wis like that I wid never ha'e gane on." The attendant then grippit Betty tae put her in again for the return journey, but she drew hersel' back an' says : '• No, thenk ye, nae mair o' that for me ; I'll walk back." " An' so will I," says I. " It's a wonder there's no a judgment comes on your haill Exhibition. Ye ocht tae be ashamed o1o 1 yersel' tae ha'e Us fleein' through the air that way. I thocht it wis jist a bit canny hurl." Hooever, the man said that we couldna walk back. " An' why can we no' walk back, young man ? " says Betty. " Ye wid be run ower," he says. I looked ower an' saw it wis ower big a height tae jump tae the grun', an' that there wis naethin' for it but tae hurl back or staun there a' nicht. So we a' got in an' sat as before, an' prayed that it micht begin at once, an' be a' the suner ower. Dod, Bailie, wid ye believe me ? I began tae raither like it. Recoverin' my spirits I ventured tae lay doon my umberella an' put my arm roon the young lass tae protect her, an' in return she threw baith her arms roon my neck, so there we were like twa turtle doves. Betty I kent tine couldna ccc us ; she aye shuts her eyes when in danger. On we careered, an' I even let go my ither haun, an' takin' aff my hat gaed a " Hurrah," when — chaos. We were a' thrown oot — smashed, pulverised, annihilated ! When I cam' tae mysel' in the Bungalow, wi' twa black men pourin' brandy doon my throat, an' saw Betty reclinin' in the arms o' anither black man, wha wis wipin' her broo wi! his apron, an' Mr Pinkerton on a settee wi' a jiner sawing at his wudden leg, while he suppit awa' at some kin' of Indian mixture, I began tae think an accident had happened, an' it turned oot I wis richt. There had been an accident. Mr Pinkerton's wudden leg bad somehoo got oot o' the caur, an' stickin' in a groove o' the rails had acted like the Westinghoose brake— pullin' us up at once, only mair suddenly. Hooever, we had sac ntony fat folk on the caur that nae great damage wis dune ; so we three got intae a cab an' hurled awa' hame. Bailie, I never felt sac much at hame in a

cab a' my life as I did dnring that drive tae Strathbungo.—^Jeems Kaye, in the Bailie.