FUN AND FANCY.

Otago Witness, Issue 1916, 10 August 1888, Page 38

FUN AND FANCY.

— With regard to chatting over the front gate,- a good deal can be said on both sides. — She: "Scribble looks so poetical tonight 1 " He : " Yes ; especially the fringe about the bottoms of his trousers." — " How do you feel this morning, grandtnaaima'/" " I don't know, child. The doctor has not come yet." — A dentist has been defined as a man who pulls out other people's teeth to get something for his own to bite. — If your hat blows off in the street, follow it placidly and with gentle dignity. Somebody rise will chase it for you. — Why are women extravagant in clothes? Because when they buy a new dress they wear it out on the first day. — A searcher after truth wants to know " why it is, with so many negroes dying, nobody ever saw a black ghost." „ — When a woman busies herself with a h : miner and nails it is difficult to tell what she is driving at. — " I've a fellow-feeling in mybreast," said t.lic. tramp, as he awoke and found his companion fumbling in his coat pocket. — " Take back the love thou gav'st me," she sang. It was a love of a bonnet, but didn't match her complexion, and she wanted him to change it for one that did. '• A rose by auy other name would smell a3 sweet "— A maxim quickened by Shakespeare's touch, Alfia that Shakespanre did not tell us if A rose by any other name would coat as much 1 — A Vile Outrage. — Daughter : " Mamma, the chimney-sweep on the roof of the house has just kissed his hand to me." Mother: " How shocking ! Run at once into the bedroom and wash yourself." — Mrs Bjones : " I hear that" young Mr Sissy is still in search of a wife." Mrs Jsmith : " Why, I thought he was married !" Mrs Bjones: "So he was. She's left him. She's the one he's in search of." — "An' phwat is your Jamie doin' these days, Mrs O'Tare ? " " Ah, Jamie is doin' foine. He's a director in the opery house an' wears a swallytail coat." " A director, is it 1 An' phwat does a director do ? " " Shure he directs the people to their seats." — Boston Eecord. — Irritated Frenchman (to American who has mistaken him for a waiter) : " Sir-r, you haf gr-r-rossly insulted me. There is my card. My seconds vill vait upon you, sir-r." American : " Never mind your seconds, Frenchy. You can wait on me just as well. Pass me the Worcestershire sauce, and be quick about it." — Mrs Fibbins has written to the Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals to know if something can be done to prevent horses being scratched. She is sure it must be very painful, because her husband is quite upset, and she hears him groan in his sleep about a horse being scratched. — A Delicate Rejoinder. — A lady of the Hebrew persuasion, who was sitting at the opera next to a French doctor, grew tired of the performance and began to yawn. " Excuse me, senora," said the doctor. "I

thought you were going to swallow me." "As for that matter," the lady replied, "you have nothing to fear, for I am a Jewess and never eat pork." —"Hasn't Struck Me Yet."— "How does the new girl strike you 1 " askedMr Tomkinson of his better half, referring to the fresh housemaid. " She hasn't struck me yet," replied Mrs Tomkinson, meekly, "but she has done almost everything else." — " I have been married for several weeks, and my husband and I cannot decide whether we should retain our old love letters or burn them. What would you advise ? " Mrs C. : " Put them in a pasteboard box in the servant girl's room. A supply of old love letters has been known to keep a girl contented in one place for three months at a time." — What His Friend Suggested.— Talbot (who is apt to be a little careless as to his personal appearance) : " I just received a dressing case from a man whom I don't care to cultivate, and want to send him something immediately in return. What would you suggest?" Robinson (concisely): "Thanks."