A Delicate Commission.

Otago Witness, Issue 1652, 21 July 1883, Page 28

A Delicate Commission.

" Did you ever go shopping for women ?" inquired a sad-eyed young man. " Well, I did once, and I have had enough of it. You see, my landlady takes a motherly interest in me, but I assure you it has its disadvantages. The other morning my landlady told me she lost one of her garters coming home from a concert the evening before, and asked me to get her a pair on my way down town. I thoughtlessly consented. As I came down the street I thought I would go into White's. Having entered, I tried to get my bearings by the lithographs on the walls, picturing all sorts of feminine harness in actual service. As the lithographs began to grow more interesting, I concluded that I was about in the latitude of garters, and halted at a counter presided over by a young woman with a mischievous eye. That's where I got into trouble. I felt my face : getting red, but I firmly asked 4or a pair of garters, expecting her to hand them out forth!with. ' What kind, please ?' said she, in the most insinuating manner. ' Oh, something pretty good,' I replied, painfully conscious that ;my ears were blazing red. ' But what style do : you want?' she rejoined, evidently gloating ,over my mystery. Then it flashed upon me that there might be a hundred styles, and how was I to know what kind my landlady wore. My first impulse was to escape, but the door was too far away, and, besides, my errand neemed to have been telegraphed to every one of those girls, all of whom were eyeing me. One of them had suddenly discovered that the counter needed dusting, and there she was, right where she could hear everything I said. I asked what styles were generally called for, and the young lady began describing them with a minuteness that only increased my embarrassment. There was the circular kind, she said, and suspender garter attached to the waistbelt, and another kind that fastened to the side sf the corset, and then took down a lithograph showing the manner of wearing that kind of harness. I was in a woree fix than ever, and I mentally swore I'd do no more errands for a woman. Here she was, explaining all this toggery and belaying tacklo, and expecting me to know what kind of standing rigging my landlady fitted out with. 1 looked at her in an appealing way, but Bhe wouldn't help me out, and then an inspiration of genius came to me. * What kind would you be most likely to lij.se off in the street?' I asked, in my most innocent tone. That girl with the duster must have thought of something funny just then, for she began laughing immoderately, and when I went out with a pair of circular elastics in my pocket I felt that every girl in that store was making fun of me, but I didn v dare to look round, The

next time I go shopping for a woman I will do it by telephone " — American Paper.