FUN AND FANCY.

Otago Witness, Issue 1640, 28 April 1883, Page 28

FUN AND FANCY.

— On'y coloured individuals can be black bald. — Lowell Courier.

— The French call tomatoes " Love Apples " -which shows exactly how much they know of the subject. Love is more frequently found in pairs than apples.— Judge. — " I've be^n heron bad things about you," said one big bird to another. "Let's stork about something else," was the response.

— A Boston young lady of wealth and position has astonished " society " by cutting and making her own wedding dress. She also intended to make her own wedding cake, but the board of health interfered. — Phil. News.

—A man at a hotol foil tho whole length of a flight of staira. Servants rushed to p;ck him up. They asked him if he was hurt. " No," ho replied, "not at all. I'm used to coming down that way. I'm a life inuurance agont." Boston i?ost.

— It is bo easy to obtain notoriety in this country that no retired statesman that can eat fifty two cats in fifty- two consecutive weeks, need be apprehensive of sinking into sudden and utter ohliviom— Brooklyn JJsgle, ,

- Miss Ethel (on donkey) : I wonder what language Balaam's donkey spoke?" Sister: " Oh ! the same that Balaam spoke — Hebrew, I suppose." Miss Bthel : " Hebrew ! And I find French so difficult."

— Scene: Bridal reception. Several of the guests, after shaking hands with the bride, and all speaking at the same time : " Where is the bridegroom?" Bride, naively — "Oh, he's upstairs watching the wedding presents." — A fashion item says that the favourite colour of undressed kids for street wear is dark tan. The fashion originated in Africa where all the undressed kids seen in the streets are dark tan colour. — Norristown Herald.

— In an Indiana town, last week, a convert was baptised through the ice with the atmosphere at fifteen degrees below zero. And it was mighty lucky, too, for his future happiness, that he was baptized so promptly. That same night he was taken with inflammation of the lungs and died the next day. — Post Express. — First Alpine Tourist—" I say, Will, are you asleep ?" Second Tourist — " Asleep ! No, I should think not ! Hang it, how they bite I" First Tourist—" Try my dodge. Light your pipe and blow a cloud under the clothes. Th6y let go directly. There's a lot perched on the foot-bar of my bed — coughing like mad." — Josh Billings says, " I haven't much doubt but that man sprang from the moukey, but what bothers me is where the mouhey sprang from." Why, Josh, monkeys spring from trees. It is astonishing that a man of your perception should never have noticed this fact. — A Londoner one day by accident saw the sun. " 'Eavens," said lie, 'ow they 'aye himproved that there 'lectric light." After a moment's pause, during which he gazed on the novel sight, he added reflectively : "But'ow in thunder did they get 'm up so 'igh ?" — The following had been admitted into a churchyard in the Isle of Wight : — "To the manory of .Ms 3 Martha Qrim, .k. k he was ->o vt-y pure within ; She crack d the shell of her earthly skin, And hatched her.ielf a cherubim"

— " What idiot has carried off my pen ?' exclaimed an Austin lawyer, angrily, during the trial of a case in the District Court. " Colonel, you have got it behind your ear," remarked one of the lawyers. "Just where I thought it was." — Texas Siftings. — A woman who had been dumb for fifteen years recently fell from a chair, and the shock restored her to speech. The next day her husband stumbled over the same piece of furniture and broke his arm. He then gave the chair away to a bitter enemy. — Post Express. — A whine party— the dog. — Boston Commercial Bulletin. A bier party — the undertaker. — New York Commercial. A flour party — the baker. — Yonkers Gazette. A poker party — the fireman. — Baltimore Every Saturday, A masked party— the burgler. Laramie Boomerang. A hop party — the flea. — S. F. News Letter.

— A little girl recently went to visit her grandfather in the country. She is fond of milk, but firmly refused to drink any while there, without giving any reason. When she returned she was abked, " You had nice milk there to drink, didn't you?" "I guess I didn't drink any of that milk," she indignantly replied. "Do you kuow where grandpa got it? I saw him squeeze it out of an (lid cow '"

— Mrs M'Larty Once More. — Seene — Village School. — Lady visitor (to a very dirty child) : "Jane, why don't you come with a clean face to school ?" Jane (after some hesitation : " Please, ma am, mither canna spare me ony saft water, and she wanna hae me use hard for it cracks ma skin." — The Bailie.'