fun and fancy.

Otago Witness, Issue 1596, 24 June 1882, Page 28

fun and fancy.

A Two-foot Rule. — Keep your feet dry. A Poor Artist in Chalk. — Our milkman ! Fail green is the fashionable colour for buckets.

Lent ought to pass very rapidly— there are so many fast days in it, you know. What are most unsociable things in the world?— Milestones, because you never see twd' of them together. It has been suggested that if young men will marry on the 29th February, they will be able to save many presents expected on wedding anniversaries.

Too much polish unfits a person for the rough duties of common life. A working woman of Philadelphia recently killed herself by drinking furniture polish. Boiling hair in a solution of tea will darken it, says an exchange ; but some folks don't like to have their tea darkened in that way. Mutton, even at is 4d per lb, is sheep, whilst venison is deer at any price. Enough to butcher in a temper, this ! A Texas Judge knocked six months off a ninety-nine years' sentence in order to show the prisoner's friends that he was willing to give nim a chance. ' Ain't that a lovely critter, John,' said Jerusha, as they stopped opposite the leopard's cage. ' Waal, yes, said John, ' but he's dref • fully freckled, ain't he ?' 'Can't you trust me, darling?' murmured Spilkins to the daughter of old Moneylender. 'Not without real estate security,' replied Isabella, absent-mindedly. Brown : Ah ! That's your dog. He'd astonish any suspicious-looking party coming about. I should think. Jones: Oh, you needn't be afraid as long as I'm with you, old fellow ! Her loving salutation; 'I thought, Miss S., that you hated that flirty minx. Yet you went up and kissed her.' Miss S.— ' Ido hate her, and that is why I did it. Look at the big freckles on her face where I kissed the powder off.'

'Shet dat do', Sam.' 'Why, it ain't cold, mam.' ' Golly, you shet dat do', you nigger brat ; ob course it ain't cold ; it's me dats cold. Tink I care wedder de do's cold or not ! '

Mossoo Rather ' Mixed.'— ' The Deceased Wife's Sister Bill ' continues to puzzle our friend Mossoo, who asks. 'Who was the deceased wife, and why was her sister christened ' Bill ' ? or, indeed, is it the wife or ' Bill ' herself who is ' deceased J

Mr Malone (to the apple woman, who has ' Sheriff's Sale ' displayed on her stand) : 'Sure, Mrs Maginnis, it's sorry I am for this throuble that's come upon ye. ' Mrs McGinnis; ' Och, well, Mr Malone, I don't mind telling yez, seem' ye are an ould frind, but it's only a little business craft to get rid ay me ould stock.'— Harper's Bazar.' A man gets angry on being told that he has a cheek of brass ; but a woman smiles sweetly whenever informed that she has a brow of marble, a neck of alabaster, and lips of coral. Tho difference in the disposition of the sexes is, I no doubt, owing to the woman's superior forti- ' tude.

Drdb Jonghs light-Brown Cod Livbr Oa.— lts UnkquaMiEd Efficacy in Consumption.— Alien Q. Chattaway, Ksq., District Medol Officer, Leominster testifies us follows, to the unparalleled efflcicy of this celebrated Oil In the treatment of Consumption :— "Having for soino years extensively used Dr do Jongh's Light-Brown Cod Liver Oil, both in public and private practice, I have no hesitation in stating that its effects are very far superior to those of any othor Cod Liver Oil. Nearly four years since, two cases of confirmed Gonwmption were placed under my care. In both, the lungs were a mass of tubercular deposit, aad every possible sound to be heard In Phthis's wa» Erenent. The sole remedy employed was Or de Jongh's ight-Brown Cod Liver Oil; aud now tbe patients ais strong; aid *** J the diseased (abnormal) sounds nearly Inaudible ; and iv tho one cnie (male), hunting, fishI>% uud Shooting an fteeJy Indulged In, t!.- pttlout otpi-'B-mr hinwalf quitu capable of ni>Horufoln>f asi n'Ui h fatigue a-> any of h:s le'iow-i-part'mwn." ])r do* JoDKh'B LlghMir»wn Cod Livor Oil is oold only in Cippuled imperial hulf-pints, pints, and quarts ; with h 8 ttu'iip tt'-ii B'XilUlUrt ;. ;J bili' alfc.mtUld u£ illfcl fJ(U»I C'Wliriioyu oa tUu cupmMo <viid bholabisl uuctar wnpjwr, h/ »JI I'htmir" Helm OontigaoW, Ai«<*j, Haiiora, aid O'J.i 77j Ssrwio, L.0i.110,1,

Thb pleasure of bathing is greatly increased by mixing in the tub hulf or even a quarter of a bottle of MnwiAY and Lanman'b FLORIDA Watbr. Instantly, the whole atmosphere of the bath-room is as fragrant aa a blooming flower garden, the mind becomes buoy, ant, and the body omerges refreshed and strengthened. — {Advt.l

Son of the most horrible cases of ulcerous scrofula that ever existed have been cured by Bristol's BarlAPABtUiA., which, penetrating to the bone, neutralises every atom of poiaonout virus, and restores the organs to a sound state.— | Advt.]

BuRNKTraEssHNci! op Jamaioa Gmaßß, an approved tonic for indigestion and pains in the stomach, dyspepsia and flatulency, and a valuable remedy for colir>, Solera morbus, colds, chills and diarrhraa. This Essence of Jamaica Gin*er is a stimulant aoting gently on the stomach, warming and soothing the whole yttem.— fAßVT.l Burnhtt'B Coooaink is the beßt and cheapest Halt Dressing in the world. It kills dandruff, ailays irrita tlon, and promotes a vigorous and healthy growth ol the haIr.HLAsvT.J

Mkdioad Praotitionbrs will find that in indolent phthisis, chronic bronchial affections, comnllcated asthmatlcal complaints, and In most cases where the breathlog functions are oppressed and constricted, with corresponding loss of vital energy, &c., that Aiclrfn's Syrup of Eucalyptus with Hypophospbite of Lime and Quinine, is an effective pharmaceutical preparation of great value. It has the effect of speedily stimulating the bronchial mucous membrane and freeing tenacious phlegm, tse.. thereby affording great relief in distressing coujrbß. Its action upon lung tissues Is apparently healing and reparative. Upon the general health this medicine is undoubtedly tonic, Imparting a vitality beyond the normal state of the patient. The effect upon the breathlnj? powers is quickly apparent, the result being that the sufferer experiences considerable relief, and ultimate recovery.—{Advt.

Monkbis Dib op Consumption.— So do lions and tigers. This Is a very important fact, as tending to prove that although phthisiß la In many instances aisttadly. hereditary, fife^rtheless It may be, and freqwftSJlfefe, acquired. Such is the pathology of the eWew»* D* Graves, whose clinical experience and litfa#ure is accepted as the highest authority. In late^imes the treatment for consumption and bronchial complaints has become more specific and hopeful. Hypophosphlte of lime is combined with cod liver oil and quinine. The wonderful eucalyptus 1b also used with excellent effect on bronchial mucqua membranes. The combination of these remedies In Aickln's Syrup of Eucalyptus with Hypophosphite of Lime and Quinine haa been the undoubted means of affording permanent relief. Agents.— The New Zealand Drug Company.— [Advt.]

ADVIOH TO Mothbrs !— Are you broken to your rest by a sick child suffering with the patn of cutting teeth t Go at once to a chemist and gat a bottle of Mrs WtasiiOW'B SoOTHma Strop It will relieve the Door sufferer immediately. It Is perfectly harmless and pleasant to taste, it produces natural, quiet sleep, by relieving the ohtld from pain, and the little cherub wakes « as bright as a button." It soothes the child, it softens the gums, allays all pain, relieves wind, teaulates the bowelß, and is the best known remedy or dysentery and diarrhoea, whether arising from teething or other causes. Mrs Wlnslow's Soothing Syrup is sold by medicine dealers everywhere at Ii ljd per bottle.-l Abvt.l

Manufacturers and others desiring representation throughout the Province of Auckland should communicate with the undersigned, who has exceptionally advantageous facilities for introducing "novelties" Mid •• specialties " of every description, and U i thoroughly acquainted with the trade of the district and Its standing His business premises are simply the most central in Auckland, and his representatives travel the country. Highest references. W. BartX.IW Lamobridob, Manufacturers' Agent and General Importer, " The Bureau." Auckland.— lAnvr.j

Thamhs swum* INDOBTROB. by Percy RußseH. This Illustrated Pamphlet on Perfumery, &0., published at 6d, may be had gratis from any chemist in the world, or John GosnbMi and Co , London,— [Advt.]

FWMWMt-Fo* tm Thtb ato Bwuth.-A fo irops of the liquid " Korillne" sprinkled on a wet toott-bnwb. produces a pleasant lather, which thoroughly cleanses the teeth from all parasites or Impurities, hardens the gums, prevents tartw, stops decay, gives to the teeth a peculiar pearly-whiteness, MdJddtehtftU fragrance to the breath. It removes •Jl unpleasant odour arising from deoaytd teeth or tobaoco smoke, "The fragrant Florillne," being eompewd In part of honey and sweet herbs, is deli Soustotiietast*, and the greatest toilet > discovery of the age. Price 2s 6d, ol alf Chemists and Perrumerj. Wholesale depot removed to 88 Farrlngdon, road. London.— fAovt.]

Vamtabm Dbjoovwt K» «hb Huh.— lf your hair 1* turning grey or white, or Idling off, tue " The MsxlCwHSrWww.'for It «ttl potittotly ratart tnwtrv eat* Grot «r* <»tfe Hair to its arfeinal colour, without leaving ttw disagreeable smell of'most"Re■torera." It makes the hair obaralngly beautiful, »» weUas promoting the growth of the hatr on bald roots, where the glands are not decayed. Auk vow Ghemiits tor "Thb Mkioah Hair Bmnwra." Bold by Chemists and Perfumers everywhere *t Ssßd per bottle. Wholesale depot removed to 88 Farrtagdon atd, London.— [A»V».J

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