The Influence of the Umbrella.

Otago Witness, Issue 1584, 1 April 1882, Page 24

The Influence of the Umbrella.

'''?' '* (From,theilew York Times.)

National characteristics .afford an mterestdoes the American differ from the Englishman, and what is,,the reason that the Frenchman is morally so[widely removed from the English-, man?- ilt-will not ,do,to say that national characteristics, a,re purely, pr e,ven chiefly, a matter of, bloqq. • f Jf<an Irishman immigrates to this country his children will be Americans rather 'than (Irishmen, and the children of the English settler ;in tjiis country will have few, if any, jdistinctively,, English characteristics. Still Jess can we'^eijeve th,at national characteristic, s are.duejjtioV.cjKmate, for, no .matter how, long an, Englishman may Hve in India, he , remains tan, .Englishman,) and his , children, if fepmMonjjthe.fbankst/of.'the, .Ganges, cry with .tqejr.j.earljest, breath ( for .bitter i beer, and grow,-, .i# manhood ( and old , age with un-, swerving ,British\cpnf!empt_ for,,. the, beastly natives, j.jft is^ndent s that (.something more than-b]ooakp3 climate goes ,tq,,the ,makihg of national,, sWpsj9r>, ftija thoughtful, men, will leara-,v4th,Dle'agflre, that, f anj, , eminent , medical maii, of,, gpstonL fes ; at , las.t, , .definitely ; ascertained tn^'actiyeprinciple-Tto speak chemically, —of at' least on£j;natipnality, i .Thanks , to Dr Brewater, we now know/what it is that makes an Englishman English",' and how to develop in oursolWan^ouy^cHadr'S^BistiMvely Ehg^ lish'.characteriflticsion ') ■ -..I! >"' •' ' ••'■«? EverJ; .- "Englishman- carries „an ' umbrella. The,!Btate/ofitihe<.weatheriihas nothing (to do withuthia national. custom, for the English-, mauNwho. visits New; Yoifc .carries -Jus umbrella (under otiXf cjear : skies >as . faithfully , as he carried) tit undo*, the weeping skies , of hia native land, i >The .origin /and meaning of the custom ate lost in' the darkness of antiquity. Theret. can be no doubt that the so-called horn lof the! alleged British unicorn, is really nothing! more than an umbrella, and that the anuToal)iß\'Bimplyian':oi3dinary, British horse; anditfis likewise bolievedi by, antiquaries that the sceptre -which the Queen Always carries in • •her right hand is the modern substitute for the rovalunibrellaiwbieh ,was King Canute's emblem of. Royalty.) ', Beyond any question the umbrella was originally a symbol of the British Constitution, and it wouldhardlybe an exaggeration toisay,that to-day the. Constitution rests on the, millions of umbrellas carried by loyal Englishmen. J .., .■ i - ' The origin of,, umbrella-bearing among Englishmen is, however,, of! less, consequence than the -results of,, the custom. It is the umbrella which has moulded British , character and : given; to I Englishmen their peculiarly English characteristics. The man who carries •>ant>itunbrell» can no more escape its influence .than,- the. man ,who puts hot coals into, his bosom can escape being burned. .It is obvious- that (When a man has one 'hand occupied .with an umbrella he is not in a condition' to < engage, in street brawls, for the umbrella is 'useless., as a weapon, and cannot be :laid -aside/i n a crowded street without being, "stolen. \ Thus it, happens that the Englishman learns to control himself and to,, avoid flying into a passion which his umbrella would complicate. The Irishman, who carries a shillelagh instead of an umbrella, and the Frenchman,, who carries a cane when he carries anything, are rdady at any moment to engage in a quarrel.' Hence we. find that extreme excitability 'and a readiness to engage in revo iutions and other exciting pastimes are characteristic of, Irishmen and Frenchmen. The excitability i of Irishmen, and Frenchmen and the impasßivenesb- of; Englishmen are due in the one case to the absence,, and in. .the other to the presence, of the umbrella. • :- „ , It is also to the umbrella that the Englishman owes. hie characteristic love- of respectability.' The.iinani.who carries, an umbrella impledly .proclaims , that he wears clothes which would be injured by rain, and that he doesnot intend to .engage in any rash or turbulent adventure. In other words, he is respectable. That. English respectability is largely associated with the umbrella is proved by the fact that when an Englishman is deprived of his umbrella he becomes reckless, adventurous, and even vagabondish. Cases have been known of respectable Englishmen who, on losing their umbrellas in the mining districts of the* Pacific Goast, hsve soon become red - shirted " roughs," losing completely their ' reverence for bitter beer, and speaking with open contempt of the sacred British bath - tub. Dr Brewster, in the course of his monograph on the Moral Influence of the British Umbrella," gives so many instances of speedy demoralisation following the abandonment of unibrellas, that it is impossible to doubt that British love of re spectability is inseparable from the habit of carrying an umbrella. . Having convinced himself that the nnpassiveness and respectability of Englishmen are tho result of umbrella-carrying, Dr Brewster obtained a boy of pure American parentage from the Boston Orphan Asylum, and began with him a course of luubrellatraining. The boy was made to keep an umbrella in his hand every moment during his waking hours, and to sleep with it tied tightly. to his wrist, Within six m thsthe

boy developed a love of Bass' pale ale, a tendency to speak about his bath-tub to everyone whom he met, and a marked difficulty m the use of tho letter "h,"and at the end of a year he had become so thoroughly respectable that ho would not engage in any games with other boys, but spent his whole time in talcing solitary walks and staring silently at persons who ventured to address him. He has co far failed to show any longing for checked clothing, but Dr Brewster records ,that last September the boy informed him that he "couldn't stand this beastly climate, don't you know," and requested to be taken where he could enjoy a nice, comfortable fog. That he has developed all the chief national,characteristics of Englishmen there can be no, doubt, and it is equally certain that this result has been due solely to the influence of constant association with an umbrella.