Fun and Fancy.

Otago Witness, Issue 1583, 25 March 1882, Page 24

Fun and Fancy.

Mother Shipton went out with the old year. Don't dispiso the lowly ; the under-jaw doea all the work.

If ho carrios his umbrella so that it prods everybody on the streot, he is a new-comer. A foreigner is about to write a book on America. Ho wDI call it 'Great Expectorations.'

Is there a word in the English language that contains all the vowels? There is, unquestionably. Appetite Extraordinary.— He had eaten nothing for twelve hours. He hastened home, ran into the house, and bolted the door !

Mrs Ramsbotham says what's the good of knowing geography when she has bought half a dozen maps of the world, and can't find the Specific Ocean on any one of them ?

It is suspected by the Boston Globe that a good many fathers have ascertained that the man was right who said: 'Learning is well enough, but it hardly pays to give a 5000 dol, education to a 5 dol. boy.

A Parisian adventurer hires an apartment on a long lease, and plays abominably on a trombone night and morning, increasing his efforts until the landlord and tenants in despair offer him a large advance on his lease.

One Boy to another.—' Tom, if you could be an animal, what would you choose to be?' 'Oh, I'd like to be a lion, he's so ' 'Oh no, Tom, don't be a lion, be a wasp ; because then you could sting the schoolmaster.' An aged negro was showing the scars of the wounds inflicted by the lash when he was a slave. ' What a picture !' exclaimed a sympathetic looker-on. 'Yes,' responded the coloured brother, 'dats de work ob de ole masters.'

When a man comes out in a crowd, and says he will not run for office, he reminds one very much of that other man who pinned a temporanco pledgo on his coat, so that someone would ask him to drink under the mistaken impression that he would refuse. — Texas Siftings.

Gainsborough hats are being hissed in the New York theatres. ' Take your clothes off your head, sis,' is the somewhat startling remark.

The funniest of Christmas toys is called ' The Politician.' It throws up its hands when the owner pulls a string. — New Orleans Picayune.

The French are still ' running ' the mother-in-law jokes. Lo .Figaro says :— A traveller turning to his neighbour said : ' I think, sir, it would be prudent to shut the window on your side ; it admits a current of air really dangerous ts your mother-in-law.' To which the other replied, with a cruel smilo : ' I know it.'

' I think a bath daily would be beneficial in your case,' said the physician to Plodgers, the valetudinarian. ' Well, I don't know, doctor,' replied Plodgers, in a feeble voice ; * I took a bath once, a year or two ago. I felt better for a while, but it wasn't long before I was as bad as ever, and I have been growing worse ever Since,'