VENERABLE BUT GOOD.

Otago Witness, Issue 1502, 28 August 1880, Page 27

VENERABLE BUT GOOD.

Daniel O'Connbll's Vituperative Contest with Biddy Moriartf:. 'One of the drollest sceaeß of vituperation that O'Connell ever figured in took plaoe in the early part of his lifer Not long after he was called to the Bar, his character and peculiar talents received recognition from all who were oasually acquainted with him. His talent for vituperative language was perceived, and by some he was, even in those days, considered matchless as a scold. , There was, however, at that time in Dublin a certain woman, Biddy Moriarty, who had a huckster's stall on one of the quays nearly opposite the Four Courts. She was a virago of the first order— very able with her fiat, and etill more formidable with her tongue. From one end of Dublin to the other Bhe was notorious for her powers of I abuse, and even in the provinces Mrs Moriarty's language had passed into currenoy. The dictionary of Dublin slang had been considerably enlarged by her, and her voluble impudence had almost become proverbial. Some of O'Oonnell's "friends, however, thought that he could beat her at the use of her own we r pona. Of this, however, he had some doubts himself, when he had listened once or twice, to some minor specimens of her Billingsgate; It was mooted once whe-, ther the young Kerry barrister could encounter her, and Borne of the company (in O'Connell's presence) rather too freely ridiculed the idea of his being able to meet the famouß Madame Moriarty. O'Connell never liked the idea of being put down, and he professed his readineias to encounter, her and even backed himself for the match. Bets were offered and taken— it was decided that the match should come off at once.

The party adjourned to the huckster's stall, and there was the owner herßelf superintending the sale of her small wares ; a few loungers and ragged idlers were banging round her stall — for Biddy was " a oharaotor," and, in her way, was one of the eights of Dublin.

O'Connell was very confident of success, He had. laid an ingenious plan for overcoming her, and, with all the anxiety of an ardent experimentalist, waited to put it into practice. He resolved to open the attaok, At this time O'Connell's own party, and the loungers about the place, formed an audience quite sufficient to arouse Mrs Moriarty, on public provocation, to a due exhibition of her powere. O'Connell commenced the attask : "What's the price of this walking-stick, Mrs What's your-Name ? " " Moriarty, sir, is my name, and a good one it is ; and what have you to say agen it ? and .one-and- sixpence's the price of the Btiok. Troth, it's ohape as dirt— so it is.' " One-and- sixpence for a walking-stick 1 whew ! why, you are no better than an impostor, to ask eighteenpence for what cost you twopence." " Twopence, your grandmother ! " replied Mrs Biddy. "Do you mane to say it's chating the people I am ? Impostor indeed ! "

" Aye, impostor, and 'it's that I call you to your teeth," rejoined O'Connell. " Come, cut your stick, you cantankerous jackanapes " " Keep a civil tongue in your head, you old diagonal." oried O'Connell, calmly. " Stop your jaw, you pug-nosed badger, or by this and that," cried Mrs Moriarty, " I'll make you go out quicker than you came."

" Don't be'jin a passion, my old radius; anger Will Qnly wrinkle your beauty." " By the hokey, if you say another word of impudence, I'll tan your dirby hide, you bastely common scrub ; and sorry I'd be to soil my fists upon your oarcass." " Whew ! boys, what a passion old Biddy is in ! I protest as I'm a gentleman " " Jintleman ! jintleman ! the likes of you a jiatlemau ! Wisha, by gor, that bangs Banagher ! Why, you potato faced pippinsneezsr, when did a Madagascar monkey like you pick up enough common Christian daoency to hide your Kerry brogue ? " f'Easy, now— easy, now," cried O'Connell, with imperturbable good humour; " don't choke youraelf with fine language, you old whisky-drinking parallelogram." " What's that you call me, you muri therm' villain?" roared Mrs Moriarty, stung to fury. "I call you," answered O'Oonnell, "a parallelogram, and a Dublin judge and jury will say it's no libel to call you so." " Oh, tarean-ouns ! oh, holy Biddy ! that aa honeßt woman like me should be called a parrybellygrum to her faca. I'm none of your parrybellygrums, you rasoally gallowsbird ! you cowardly, sneaking, plate-liokin' blaggard ! " " Oh, not you, indeed !" retorted O'Connell; " why, 1 suppose you'll der»y that you keep a hypothenuae in your house." 11 It's a lie for you, you dirty robber ; I

never had suoh a thing in my house, you swindling thief." " Why, Bure, your neighbours all know very well that you keep not only a hypothenuse, but that you have two diameters looked up in your garret, and that you go out to walk with them every Sunday, you heartless old heptagon 1 " ' " Oh, hear that, ye saints in glory ! Oh, there's bad language from a fellow that wants to pass for a jintleman. May the divll fly away with yon, you mioher from Munster, and make celery sauce of your rotten limbs, you mealy-mouthed tub of guts." "Ah, you can't deny the charge, you miserable submultiple of a duplicate ratio." " Go, rinte your month in the Liffey, you nasty tiokle pitcher ; after all the bad words you speak, it ought to be filthier than your face, you dirty chicken of Beelzebub. " " Rinse your own mouth, you wickedminded old polygon— to the deuce I pitch you, you blustering intersection of a sinking superficies ! " "You saucy tinker's apprentice, if you don't cease your jaw, I'll " * But here she gasped for breath, unable to ■ hawk up any more words, for the last volley of O'Connell had nearly knocked the|wind out of her. " While I have a tongue I'll abuse you, you most inimitable periphery. Look at her, boys 1 There she stands— a convicted perpendicular in petticoats. There's contamination in her circumference, and she trembles with guilt down to the extremities of her corollaries. Ah, you're found out, you rectilineal antecedent, and equiangular old hag ! 'Tis with you the devil will fly away, you porter-swiping similitude of the bisection of a vortex ! " Overwhelmed with this torrent of language, Mrs 'Moriarty was silenced. Catching up a saucepan, she waa aiming at O'Connell's head, when he very prudently made a timely retreat. " You have won the wager, O'Connell— here's your bet," cried the gentleman who proposed the contest. O'Connell knew well the use of sound in the vituperation, and having to deal with an ignorant scold, determined to overcome her in volubility by using all the sesquipedalia verba which occur in Euolid. ' With these and a few significant epithets, and a scoffing, impudent demeanour, he had for once imposed silence on Biddy Moriarty.