Fun and Fancy.

Otago Witness, Issue 1499, 7 August 1880, Page 24

Fun and Fancy.

Conclusive. — We do not know the age of his Excellency the Chinese Ambassador at Washington, but his naiae— Yung-Wing— -suggests that he cannot bean "old bird." — Funny Folks. " Ain't that a lovely critter, John," said Jerusha, as they stopped opposite the leopard's cage. " Waal, yes," said John, " but then he's dreffully freckled', ain't he ?" — Boston Commercial Bulletin. A New-Jersey coloured man, whose wife had left him, said : " She would come back if I frowed her some sugar j but I ain't frowin' no sugar, do you heah ?" No Place Like Home.— Barber : " Shall I give your head a touch with the tongs sir ?" Customer : "No, I thank you. My wife attends to that." "Surtout Point de Zele."— Comely Lanoashire Widow (to zealous curate, who ia constantly hunting her truant offspring into the board sohool) : " I tell ye what 'tis, ye noau ooom arter [f childer, ye coom arter me !"— Punch. "I know a victim to tobacco," said a leoturer, " who hasn't tasted food for thirty years." " How do you know he hasn't ?" asked an auditor. " Because tobacco killed him in 1850," was the reply. " Oh, grandma," cried a mischievous [little urchin, " I chepted the hens so nicely just now I threw them your gold beads, and they thought they were corn, and ate them up as fast as they could." "No real generous man," remarks an ej^. change, "would go to a spiritual seance givVA by a lady medium, and, just as the ghost walking about (while the medium is tied iv the cabinet), exclaim ; 'There's a rat right by the ghost.' It spoils the effeot to have the ghost yell and gather up its skirts and run,." A lawyer once rushed up to J err old in the street, and said, with a flushed faoe, "Mr Jerrold, I've just met a scoundrelly barrister." Jerrold looked at him with a bland smile, and simply answered, " What' a coincidence I " "It is said that the male wasp does not sting I , "' But as the male and female wasps wear the same kind of polonaise, and look as much alike as twins, the only way to distinguish their sex is to oatoh one- If it etings you' it ia a female ; if not, it is a gentleman wasp.—Norristown Herald. Mistress—" Who were you talking.to, Jane ?" Cook—" Only my eldest brother, mum. He's —he's in the perlice." Mistress— " Indeed ! What is his name ? " Cook—" John Smith, mum." Mistress— "But your name'iß not Smith." Cook— "No, mum; but you Bee, he's— he's bin married !" ■ Irreclaimable.— Friend : ">1 Bay, when are you going to pay me that sovereign I lent you ? Mind, I shan't ask you for it again." Impe. ounious: "You won't? By, Jove, now that's what I call real friendship. I Bay, you haven't such a thing as " [Creditor rushes off.] A standing joke.— Scene— A country road.— Squire (who is a candidate for the representation in Parliament of his county) :' " Well, John, and what do you think of my chances for a seat in- Parliament ?" John (a canny-goiug countryman) : " Well, Squire, a really dinna like to say, but siu' ye've pit a straight question, an' am thinkin' a should but add an honest answer, am thinking you should staun as lang aa ye can, for a doot if ye'Jl ever Bit."