ONE OF JOHN PHOENIX'S STORIES.

Otago Witness, Issue 1480, 27 March 1880, Page 27

ONE OF JOHN PHOENIX'S STORIES.

Out in a certain Western fort, some time ago, tha major conceived that artillery must ba used effectively in fighting the Indians by dispensing with gun carriages and fastening the caimoa uprm tli3 backs of mules. So he explained his views to tho commandant, aud it was determined to try the experiment. A howitzsr was selected and Btrapped upoa an ambulance mule, with the muzzle pointing towards tho tail. Whea they had secured tae gun and loaded it with ball cartridge, they led the calm and steadfast mule out on the bluff and set up a target in the river, to practice at. The rear of the mule was turned towards the target, and ha was backed gently up to the edge of tho bluff. The officer* stood round in a semi-circle, whilo the m;ijor went up and inserted a timefuse in tbe vsrnt cf tho howitzer. When tho fuse was ready, the major lit it and retirorl. In a imnuto or two, the hitherto Knruffl.d mule heard the fizzing back on hig neck, ani it made him uneasy. He roaohad hia head around to ascertaiu what was going on, and as he did ao his body turned, and the howitzer began to sweep arouud the horizoii The mule at last became excited, aud bio curiosity became more and more intense. Ia a second or two, he was standing with hia four lega in a bunch, making six revolutions per minute, and the howitzer threatening sudden death to every man within half v mile ' The commandant was observed to climb suddenly up atroe; officers were seen sliding over the bluff into the river, as if they didn't o-»ra at all about the high price of uniforms ; the aiijubant made good time towards the fort; a sergeant bagan to throw up breastworks with his bayonet ; the major rolled over and groaned. In a HUBuie or tyro there was a puff of smoke and a dull thud, and tho mule— ob ! where was he? A solitary brute might have bsen seen turning successful back-aomer-eaults over tho bluff, only to rest at anchor finally with hia bowUzsr at the bottom of the river, while the ball went off towards the fort, hifc the chimney in the major'a quarters, rattling the adobe bricks down into the parlour, and frightening the major's wife into convulsions. They do not tLude ti it now, and no report of the result of the experiment waa ever seat to the War Daparimeub.