Round the Snuctums.

Otago Witness, Issue 1422, 22 February 1879, Page 23

Round the Snuctums.

THE TWO MURPHYS.

A good story is told of the comedian, Joe Murphy. It was during the " blue ribbon" excitement, aad Joe was journeying to a small town in the vicinity of Pittsburg. As the train steamed into the depdt, it was boarded by a half dozen men, who, after a hurried conference with the conductor, approached the comedian with beaming faces. " Mr Murphy. I believe," said the spokesman, hat in hand. "At your service, sir," replied Joe.

" Delighted to see you, sir. We are the Committee appointed to take you in charge," and they fairly dragged the astonished Joe from the car, placed him in a carriage, and they were whirled swiftly away. " God bless us," thought the exponent of Irish peculiarities. "This is very kind. Never was in this town before. A man's reputation does travel, and that's a fact." In a short time they had reached the hotel, and the committee having placed Joe in the best parlour suite, prepared to depart. "We will call for you after supper, Mr Murphy," said the spokesman. "One moment, gentlemen," cried St. Joseph, as he pulled the bell cord vigorously. " Waiter, drinks for the party."

"Drinks !" shrieked the conclave in a chorus. "Mr Murphy, are you mad ?" "Mad," echoed Joe ; not a bit of it. Name your beverages, gentlemen." "Oh, this is terrible backsliding," said one. "Francis Murphy ordering drinks." "Francis Murphy," repeated the perplexed Joe. "I am Joe Murphy, the comedian."

They saw it all, and rushed wildly from the room in search of the temperance apoatle, who was then even toiling painfully from the depOt on foot, "toting" a huge carpet bn#. Both the Murphys drew large houses that night.

THE QUEEN'S SON-IN-LAW IN CANADA. A staff oorrespondtnt of the New York Tribune writing from Montreal says : — " The Queens's daughter will not be a drag, but a decided help to the new GovernorGeneral of Canada. She, too, has a way of making herself very agreeable when she likes. Her dresses are simpie, her manner is unaffected, and while she is not handsome— although an Irish girl on the side-walk, after craning her neok to get a glimpse of the Princess, settled back in her place behind a lamp post and murmured, " She's heavenly, be gorrah "—she has an amiable expression which counts for much. She, too, carried all hearts by storm in the ball-room by her graceful carriage and the pleasure she seemed to take in the Scottish dances. Then, too, she is the daughter of the Queen, and the people of the Canadas are not likely to forget that. The Governor-General may make many bad blunders without losing his popularity, for the Princess will be by his side. That her royal rank and social prestige will cast his official station into the shade is inevitable. It will be a long time before the little court of Ottawa and the people of the Provinces can become acclimated to the royal presence, and learn to rate husband and wife on their own merits — their own graces and virtues. In Halifax a thoroughbred American felt somewhat nettled when he noticed the slights which were put upon the Marquis ; how the Duke of Edinburgh, who may be a good sailor, but is a prig on shore, invariably led the way, and carried off the Princess on his arm even from the Council Chamber where the Marquis had been made the ruler of several millions, leaving the poor man to go out with an aide, and then to follow them to the carriage with one of her ladies-in-waiting. Etiquette such ay this does not please a Yankee. He is apt to ask himself, " Who had a better right to go down with the Princess than the Highland laddie who wooed and won her? Is not marriage as divine an institution as royalty ? Who was this sailor Duke, to put asunder, even for ten minutes, in the crowning hour of their lives, these two young people whom God Almighty hath joined together ?" Ah ! but there are few Yankeeß in the Provinces. The supreme essence of royalty is court etiquette, and that should be followed, they are agreed, rather than the vulgar instinots and coarse habits of our Yankees aoross the border. Let the Princess pass out first and let the hand be ungloved before her ; and let everybody be quick to replace the glove before the Marquis appears. But his loss socially is his gain officially, for inasmuch as her presence is a (compliment to Her Majesty's subjects hereabout, he can afford to make mistakeseven to grow careless. "Assume, then, as the indications already warrant your doing, that the Scotchman will rival the Irishman in popularity without hitting out in any new direction himself, and that the Princess will have the tact and disposition to aid him in governing the Dominion ; what effect will the appointment of the Queen's son-in-law have ultimately on the relations between the Provinces and the Crown ? It is too early to speak with confidence, but the chances are that the confederate dependencies will be drawn closer together. The new element in the little court at Ottawa will be Royalty, and in Provinces where British feeling is intense, as in Nova Scotia and Ontario, it will be an important factor in the political problem of Canada. Royalty in England is a name, an abstraction, so far as the Provinces are concerned ; but Royalty iv Ottawa is a reality. The presence of the Queen's daughter cannot fail to stimulate feelings of devotion and loyalty to the Crown." TWO CLASSES OF WOMEN. The streets of almost any large city present a spectacle more saddening, more pitiful, more fearful than any picture to be found in Dante's "Inferno." Beneath the gas-lamp, from dark until long after midnight, wander unceasingly thousands of young girls. Their eyes are fixed. They stalk like shadows. There is no merriment in their gait; no joy, no peace, no happiness in their look. However well dressed, it is the same whited sepulchre. For mile after mile these sad spectres saunter along. At each side street they carry off their victims. Who are these desolate ones that fill the city with their ceaseless tramp ? Do they come forth at night because they care not for the society of their mothers, and fathers, and sisters ? Alas ! no. These lost ones have no homes. They are alone in a great world too busy to notice them or their misfortunes. Without a knowledge of the world, they are driven into the midst of its vicos, and forced to earn a living by the only means that is within their power. They know not the horrible abyss of shame, the amplitude of suffering, the depth of the distress to which that first step leads. And so, having begun, they are carried on by the swift current of crime about them. Do they ever seek to escape ? They turn blindly for the means, but on every hand they seem shut in by a high wall separating them from the respectable world. There is no resource, and so, year after year, they fall lower and lower, and their despair grows deeper, until death takes them for his own, and their poor bones are laid away in the potter's field. There is another class of women living in our cities. They are not as numerous as their miserable sisters. They have wealth. They live in comfortable homes. They have husbands and happy children. Their time is almost a burden on their hands. With the arrival of each day it is a question, how shall the hours be passed ? They look out into the night, and behold the closely-wrapped female figures hurrying by in the darkness. The sight means nothing to them. It does not even excite a shudder. They themselves are comfortable. Many of them are highly intelligent ladies, who long for a vocation. They do not know what to do with their time. They think of devoting themselves to art or to literature. Oh women, who seek a higher sphere of life, who long for something to do, ' for some fields of usefulness, for something higher and better than a life of idleness, entertainment, and novel-reading ! Oh women, you have before you the opportunity. There are your poor erring sisters passing your doors at every hour. They need your assistance. If you have compassion, pity them. Do not condemn, but weep for them. i You have the power to save ; your wealth ' and position give it to you. Go out! among

them. Gently, patiently labour to bring them to a better life. If you succeed in a whole lifetime of labour in raising up but one such, you will have performed a grand charity. Do not complain that you have nothing to do j that you are dying of ennui. Here is your opportunity. Embrace it. Go, Save. AN AMUSING SPEECH BY PROFESSOR BLACKIE. The winter Bession of the University of Edinburgh was opened lately with introductory addresses by the several professors. Among the first of the professors to meet with the students waa Professor Blaokie, who opened his junior Greek class in the morning. This being the Professor's first appearance before his classes sinoe his return from Igypt, he was enthusiastically received on entering. The subject of Professor Blackie'a address was "The cpmparative value of ancient and modern languages towards a large human culture." After referring to the comparative value of Greek, Latin, Sanscrit, and Hebrew, the latter of which, he said, was spoken of as exclusively a study for theologians, though he did not see why that should be, seeing they were all Christians, or pretended to be so, the learned Professor said that some ignorant people, and there were plenty of these in Scotland, wondered what waa the use of his going to Egypt ; but three of the best books in the Greek language were about Egypt, and he intended to use them in his class this winter. (Derisive laughter.) Professor Blackie — What's that idiot smiling at. (Loud laughter.) It's impossible to conceive the idiocy of some fellows. (Renewed laughter and uproar.) Continuing, Professor Blackie said Latin waa like small change in comparison to Greek, and a hundred-pound bank-note would not pay the innkeeper's bill at the North Pole. (Laughter.) With regard to modern languages, Frenoh was the most useful, but at the same time he never spoke French without despising himself — feeling as if he waa becoming half a monkey. (Loud laughter.) 1 There was such a mincing air about it. (Be* newed laughter. ) It had got its ears cropped and iti nose shaven off. The next most useful langnage was English, whioh was a mixture of all languages — a hotoh-potoh, bat that was a good soup they all knew. (Laughter.) If, however, they knew English alone and travelled, they must be content to be aoquaint only with the waiter and dragoman and the donkey boy — (laughter)— a little impudent snatohet. (Renewed laughter). German was the language that had only linen recently into notice by the intellectual power of its people, and the excellence of its government. It was not, however, of general currency in the South. When he landed at Alexandria he was smuggled into a little boat, and he saw the man wanted to do him. He said the fare was 12s, and that for about! a mile's sail. He (Professor Blackie) said in Italian that that was nonsense, and the man saw that he had not got a green Englishman to deal with. (Loud laughter). When they lauded the boatmen toned himself down, and' he (the Professor) stood in the centre of an admiring mob of people — (loud laughter) — like Bob Roy Macgregor in the midst of Mb Highlanders, and he carried the victory like a canny Scot. He paid him off with eighteenpence. (Loud laughter.) It was a great mistake to think Italian was a language for fiddlers and young ladies discoursing musio in the drawing-room. There was another language — Russian. (Loud hisses.) The Russians insinuated themselves and went in (loud hisses and slight cheers) — and they required looking after. The Russian language was useful as belonging to a people who were destined to perform a great part in the history of the world. (Prolonged hiises). Modern Greek was also destined to be an important Eastern language when the Turkish Empire went down. Professor Robertson Smith, of Aberdeen— (loud cheers and slight hisßes)— who was one of the cleverest fellows, and one of the most profound Hebrew scholars in Britain, told him that as soon as he got rid of that wretched squabbling in Aberdeen Presbytery he was going to spend a winter in Tunis to f?efc a thorough mastery of the Arabic as a living language. He would Bay to all students of theology — Go thou and do liken fsa. (Applause.) QUALIFICATIONS OP THE ACTOR. The actor must have clear preception, memory, power of statement, logic, imagination, force of will, and passion. There must be united in one man a strong understanding with a brilliant imagination — a nimble wit with a solid judgment--a prompt and tenacious memory with a lively and fertile faney — an eye for the beauties of nature with a knowledge of the realities of life— a brain stored with the hived wisdom of the ages, and a heart swelling with emotion* And yet again added to these must be certain physical gifts. There is demanded a trained, penetrating and sympathetic voice, ranging through all the keys in the scale, and a stout bodily frame, stored with nervous power Jand vital energy. If the man have the bow of Ulysses, of what use is it unless he can bend it ? His arrows may be of silver, and gold tipped— they may be winged with the feathers of the very bird of Paradise ; but if he cannot draw them to the head, and Bend them home to the mark, they are valueless. Most potent speakers have been men of brawny frame, with good digestive organs, and lungs of great aerating capacity. A WOMAN'S NO. A fair dame of Eureka, Nev., thre&teaed to sue a wealthy gentleman for breach of promise. Rather than have his fellow-men suspect that he was not a man who lived up to his word, he offered to marry her, and pro cured a licese from the County Clerk. At the hour appointed for the ceremony ths bride and groom were upon the floor of a hotel before the magistrate, with their hands joined. The bridegroom promptly made his responses and promised to protect and cherish her. The magistrate turned to the bride with the question : " Will you have this man to be your wedded hußband ?" The response came quickly and angrily : "No, I won't ;" and tearing herself away from the | bridegroom, she sailed out of the room ! under full head of steam, with her mother in tow. • The bridegroom was stunned for a moment, and then recovering his self-pos-session, accepted the congratulations of the wedding guests on his unexpected deliverance and ordered up two baskets of cham* pagne,