A Tale From Real Life.

Otago Witness, Issue 1422, 22 February 1879, Page 22

A Tale From Real Life.

When Horatio Flipper and his bosom friend, Josiah Clemmens, on the same day, in the same church, married Augusta Lawton and her dearest friend, Anathusia Meakim, a contract was made between the two couples— a contract entirely independent of that which in the eye of the law they hid made when each answered "I will," in reply to the somewhat inquisitive question put by the clergyman in regard to their future intentions as to supporting, loving and honoring each other. It was this : They had bound themselves that if one family had a son and the other had a daughter, when they had arrived at a proper age, they should become man and wife. There was nothing so novel or original in such an agreement ; if there had been, the parties to the contract would never have made it, for they were neither novel nor original in anything—they were simply maudlin with romance, and this covenant was merely the effect of which a strict attention to novels, love tales and plays was the cause. So much by way of prologue. Now for our story. Flipper and Clemmens had died full of year?, and gout, and rheumatism, and left each a large fortune to his wife. They had each left, as well, a child— Hipper a daughter named Kitty, Olemmens a son named Eichard, otherwise Dick. The old men had forgotten, long before their deaths, all about their agreement on their wedding day, but not so with the mother 3. They had. been in correspondence for the last five years about nothing else. The children had now reached their majority, and the mothers were anxious for the consummation of the plan. "Mother," said Dick, at the breakfast table, " there is no use in urg'ng that girl Kitty's suit, for I will never marry her." " How do you know, my son ? You have not teen her for twelve years, and you might be delighted with her," returned Mrs Clemmens, coaxingly. " I know I shouldn't," Dick said. " She was a redheaded abomination when she was a child, and I'm certain she's the same now." " Oh, Eichard ! " " Even if she was as handsome as Hebe I wouldn't marry her. I'd feel disgusted the moment I met her, and so would she, if she had any sense. We'd be introduced, we'd look at each other, and say to ourselves, ' And this is the person I've got to marry,' and then we would hate each other." " Well, it seems to me. Dick, that you might at least wait until you do see each other before you make up your mind. This is too bad." whined Mrs Clemmens, wiping her eyes with a nankin, and not discovering her mistake until she rubbed some mustard into her blue orbs, which occasioned the use of her handkerchief in good earnest — " just when I thought I had such good news for you ! " " What is the news ?" "She's coming here ! " "Who, Kitty Flipper?' 1 "Yes. I received a letter this morning from her mother, saying Kitty would start in a day or two." "0, my!" groaned Dick. "You must stop her," he said, seriously. "If she comes, I go. I know what she'll be ; a little, stuckup minx, fall of the French airs she acquired by studying abroad for twelve years. She'll say * Mon Dieu,' and •ma foi,' and she'll talk about her naivete, and her gaucherie, and her chic ; she'll speak bad French in the present tense, indicative mood, of the first conjugation, and she'll commence all her questions with ' Ester,' and then stick like the young man at the Veneerings' party. 1 shan't see her, that's settled. Write to Mra Flipper (raellifioyua appellation !) and say we are going on a visit ; and we don't know when we will return j or, better, go to town, see Mrs F., explain openly that I will never marry a Frenchified wax doll, but that I want a wife who knows how to keep a house in order, can cook, preserve, sweep, bake, darn, sew, mend, dust, and, as the advertisements say, make herself generally useful. In short, a woman like my respected ma ; and, so that you may kill two birds with one Btone, find a cook who can cook, and fetch her back with you." An idea seemed to strike Mrs Clemmens, aDd she answered, gaily, "Well, Dick, everything is for the best. If you won't marry her, you won't ; so I'll do as you say." After breakfast she made a hurried toilet, and took the first train for the city. Towards evening she returned with as pretty a little piece of femininity as Dick had ever seen withal. The dainty, curly-haired little woman straightway went to the kitchen, and then Mrs Clemmens informed her son that she had made mattera all right with Mrs Flipper, and that tbo pretty conglomeration of muslin, curls, piuk and white |was a new cook she had engaged. " Ah ? " cries the intelligent reader, " you

can't deceive us ; the pink and white little cook is Kitty Flipper, and the three women have found a plan to catch Dick unawares." And the intelligent readers are correct, but we vow and declare that we never had any intention of shroudiog the dear girl in mystery and practising deception. If we had— but this is egotism, and we digress. With the advent of the new cook came luxuries such as had never been seen on the Clemraens' table, before. The cuisine (as Dick's Kitty Flipper might say) was perfect. Eichard's stockings were mended so neatly that an old pair of socks were better than a new pair. His shirts, too, were washed and ironed co perfectly that their whiteness and gloss caused envy in the bosoms of all his male friends. But another change had been effected by the cook. Tho pink and white young lady, whom the hottest fire never made red and white, was accustomed to take a seat in the sitting room in the evening and attend to her sewing— kitchen being locked vp — to Bave gas, Mrs C. said, and Dick remained at home at night, something unusual for him. In fact, Dick was in love with the cook, and he found a hundred excuses a day to go to the kitchen and have a word or two with _ the curly-headed little" woman. "^i At first she was very cold to him, but, gradually, as she saw his respect increase with his love, tho ice of her reserve began to melt under the warmth of his passion, and the young man was correspondingly happy. Perhaps there were no conferenc.es, with comparing of notes, between the cook and her mistress when our gentleman took hia afternoon walk ! Oh, no— of course not— why should there be ? At length Dick found himself so entangled in the net of love that nothing would, but marriage, free him, so he entered the kitchen one afternoon, and, with a preamble, pro* posed marriage. Aod here is where we triumph over the intelligent reader, who says, " I knew how it would be — she accepted him, they were married, the fraud was exposed, and they lived happily evermore. Wrong, oh, intelligent reader ! " Will you marry me ? " said he, " No, I will not," she answered. "Why?" " I'm a cook and you're a gentleman." "You're a lady as well as a oook, and fife to ba a gentleman's wife," " I dare say I am, but I don't want to be a cook all my life." "Then marry me." " And work to support you ? " "Why, my dear, I am rich." "You mean your mother is." " Well, she would deny me nothing," • "I don't know about that. You don't know how Bhe'd act if you married her cook. Besides I've no fancy for a man who can't support himself and his wife without help from his mother. I understand you, Dick, and I admit that I love you." "My darling," he cried, embracing her. " There, now stop. You wouldn't marry a wax doll of a girl, who couldn't keep a house in order, cook, carve, preserve, darn, mend, sew, duat, and sweep. I heard you say so." "That is true,"' ruefully remarked Dick. " Well, I will not marry a man who cannot support me by his own labour. I don't want a clubhouse swell or a lardytardy man of s6ciety for a husband ; I want a real man ; a hard-fisted workingman, who can knock down a giant if ho insults me. A good, honest son of toil, one whom I'll be proud to point out as my husband, and on whose shDuldcr I can lean my head, and, confident of his strong love, know no fear of the world." "What do you want me to do, my darling ? " "Learn a trade; be a man, an independent man. When you have earned enough money to buy a set of furniture and can show me that you are able to support me, I'll say, ' Dick, my boy, I'm yours ' " "I'll do it," cried Dick. Next day, without a word of opposition from his mother, which he thought rather strange, he left home, went to the city, and made arrangements with a friend of his, a carpenter and builder, to learn a trade. Dick was a natural mechanic. No workman was ever needed at home ; he mended everything. There was do tool he couldn't use, and, therefore, at the end of six months there was not a journeyman in the shop that could compare with him for elegant work. Then he rented a little shop, and set up for himself. Strange to say, his first order came from the Widow Flipper to thoroughly repair three of her new houses. Of course little pink and. white had nothing to do with this. Mrs Flipper recommended him to all her property-owning friends. His business increased wonderfully. Item : His work was always well done. At the end of the year ho had a really good business. Then he went homo one Saturday night, 4 with ar bank book and a plain gold ring in his pocket. He went in the kitchen way ; there was no one there. On his way up stairs he met his mother. Embraces followed, and he asked : " Where's Kate ?" We have hitherto neglected to mention that tho cook's name was Kato. " Not in," answered Mrs Clemraens j " but Kitty Flipper is up stairs ; como up and be presented. " " Hong Kitty Flipper." " There need be no embarrassment, Dick ; she's engaged." " Oh, she is, eh? Well, come along." " Miss Flipper, my son," said Mrs Clemmens, presenting him. Dick looked up. " What ! " he yelled, looking at the lady. " Kato, by Jupiter ! what does this mean ? " " I'm Kitty Flipper and Kate the cook, too. I tried you, my dear, and you stood the test nobly. You've proved yourself my ideal of a man. Take me, if you will, my darling." And he did take her, while tre old lady discreetly looked out of the window and thought of her youih. " 2nd you were all in the plot againßt me, eh ? " asked he. " Yes," exclaimed the ladies, half-fright-ened now they were found out. " WolJ, I'm glad of it, Kate ; you've made a man of roe. I insisted on my wife's being

worker, and it's a poor rule that won' \> work both ways." Three days after the little village church — but, pshaw ! the intelligent reader can guess the rest.