Sentiment and Humour.

Otago Witness, Issue 1417, 18 January 1879, Page 21

Sentiment and Humour.

Why is a good fiddler like a bad tavern-keep-er P Because he's master of a vile inn. A gentleman named Brown once observed in company that he had toasted a lady for twelve months, and yot had little hopes of making her Brown. Unless you are just, you cannot be completely and consistently kind. Justice never frowns on kindness, and kindness never interferes with justice. No one has been able to explain why it is that a man feels he is moro likely to get up in the morning by keeping his watch or clock a quarter of an hour fast. We have just been thinking how language came into the world. It was during Adam and Eve's first quarrel. "When one word brought on another. " Tell your mistress that I've torn the curtain," said a lodger to a female domestic. "Very well, sir, mistress will put it down in the bill as extra rent." " Governesses should never be required to do low menial work," said a gentleman. " Certainly not; but they frequently aspire to the hymeneal," replied a lady. Enthusiastic young lady at piano : " You are fond of music, Colonel P" Colonel F. : "Music? Ah — yeß ; I think I may say I like — aw — noise of— aw— of any kind." The truest help we can render to an afflicted man is nofc'to take his burden from him, but to call out bis best strength, that he may be able to bear the burden. Conversation augments pleasure and diminishes pain, by your having sharers in either j for silent woes are greatest as silent satisfaction ia least, since sometimes our pleasure would be none but for telling of it, and our grief insupportable but for participation. A Sunday School pupil of tender ago being asked how ho liked the gentleman who had addressed the school replied : "He Avas a funny man. He told about tha handwriting on the wall, and paid it was 'Minnie, Minnie, tickle the parson.' ' ' "What's the name of your dog, sonny?" inquired a man of an urchin who was leading a big Newfoundland dog by a rope. " Tray, sir," replied the boy. "Ah, I see," rejoined the man. " Then he is lod as Tray?" The boy said ho guessed so. " What is your name ?" asked a teacher of - a boy. " My name's Jple," was the reply, whereupon the teacher impressively said, " You should havo said Julius, sir. And now, my lad," turning to another boy, " What's your name ?" " Billious, sir." Wiut is the difference between a Crown prince, an old gorilla "with numerous offspring, a bald lieaded > man, and an orphan boy ?— Tho first is tho heir apparont ; the second the hairy parent ; tho third has no hair apparont ; while the fourth has ne'er a parent. Medical remuneration.— Doctor : " Urn ! Most insolent!" (To his wife): "Listen to this, my clear." (Roads letter aloud) : " ' Sir, — I enclose a P.O. Ordor for thirteen shillings, hoping it will do as little good as your two very small bottles of " physic " did me.' "—Punch. Degenbeate Times. — First Drasroon: "Awfully fine girl, that!" Second Dragoon: " Ya'as— But hasn't got 9. word to say for herself. Asked her if sho wasn't awf'lly fond of hunting? Said she'd never been on ahorso in her life ! Now, what's a feller to say after that ? Can't mako out whafc girls do talk about in these days ! " — Punch. Progress. — There is nothing so revolution, ary, bocause there is nothing fo unnatural and so convulsive to society, as the strain to keep things fixed, when all the world is, by the very law of its creation, in eternal progress ; and the cause of all tho evils in the world may be traced to that natural, but most deadly error of human indolence and corruption — that our business ia to preserve, and not to improve. It is the ruin of us allaliko- individuals, schools, and nations. — Dr Arnold. A gentleman, while out taking a drive, had the mi-fortune .to havo his carriage upset, and himself and a newly engaged young Scotch coachman thrown into tho road. Tho gentleman was not seriously hurt, his principal loss beiu# that of his wis?. ITo found his servant standing in the middle of the road holding his head with one hand, through the lingers of which the blood was freely trickling, while he gazed with a stupefied sense of horror upon his master's wisr, which he huld at arm's length in hia other hand. " Woel, Sandy, are you much huvfc ?" inquired the master, compassionately. "Hurt!" exclaimed Sandy, in a tonetlaat betrayed an injury to his feeling 3by the bare in> quiry. " Ay, I'm dootin' I'll no loove tae see the morn after this. Div ye uo see I hae lost the" tap q7q 7 my hekl ?"