MY WIFE'S PIANO.

Otago Witness, Issue 1341, 11 August 1877, Page 21

MY WIFE'S PIANO.

The deed is accomplished. My wife has got a piano, and now farewell the tranquil mmd — farewell content arid the evening papers, and the big cigars lhat make ambition virtue, O farewell ! "And O, -ye mortal engines whoae rude throats the immortal Jove's dread clamors counterfeit ! " But stop I can't bid them farewell, for one of them has just arrived. It came on a dray. Six men carried it into the parlour, and it grunted awfully. It weighs a ton, shines like a mirror, and has carved Cupids climbing up its limbs, and such lungs — whew ! My wife has commenced to practise, and the first time she touched the machine I thought we ■were in the midst of a thunderstorm, and the lightning had struck the crockery chest. The cat, with tail erect, took a bee-line for a particular friend upon the back fence, demolishing a six-shilling pane of glass. The baby awoke, and the little lellow tried his best to beat the instrument, but he could not do it. ■ It beat i him. A teacher has been introduced into the house. He wears a huge moustache, looks at me fiercely, smells of garlic, and goes by the name of Count Run-away-never-come-bacKibyl I,HeI played an extract deopersr. this: other night.. He. ran hii.ffrigereCthraujfh .hia hair Awice, then grinned, then'. coxJked.'liisV eye up to -the ceiling, like a monkey ..hnntjng; flies,, and-, then came down one of, -his /fingers and 1 heard a delightful sound,- similar to that of a' Cockroach! dancing; irpqn the tsnoi?' string .#£. a 'fidcile. , Down came another, finger, and 'I "was reminded' of the wind whistling -through- -a- knot hole in a henceop. He touched iiis thumb, and I thought I was in au orchard listening to the distant brayings of a jackass. Now he ran his fingers along the keys, and I thought of a boy rattling a stick upon a store box or a picket-fence. AU of a sudden he stopped, and 1 thought something had happened. Then came down both fists, and O my ! such a noise was never heard before. I thought a hurricane had struck the house, and the walls were caving in. I imagined I was in the cellar, and a ton of coal was falling upon my head. I thought that the machine had burat, when the infernal noise stopped, and I heard my wife ejaculate ;

" Exquisite ! " " What the deuce is the matter?" The answer was, "Why, my dear, that's 'La Sonnambula ! ' " Son-nambula,-I thought; and the count rolled up his sheet of paper. He calls that music, bub for the life of me I can't make it look like anything else than a rail fence with a lot of juvenile niggers climbing on it. - " - v •