Sentiment and Humour.

Otago Witness, Issue 1341, 11 August 1877, Page 19

Sentiment and Humour.

Generally speaking — Women. Advice to Tramcar Companies — Mend your ways.

Creatures that cannot have too much cheek — Pigs.

A Rush-light — A head light on an express train.

Piece-makers- -Steam, gunpowder, and nitro-glycerine.

Debate on the Constitution. — Having a consultation with a physician.

A Game Much in Vogue on Boakd Ship in a Heavy Sea — Pitch and toss.

Futile Trouble — Trying to promote the circulation of a new paper with a flash brush.

You can't make any money by knitting your brow?. You can't save any by pursing up the corners of your mouth. Mind that now !

Without money, without friends, and without impudence, is about as low down in this world a3 any man can get, and keep virtuous.

A fire company is about to be organised in Tinicum, to be manned entirely by women. Won't the b'hoys bo apt to run after that machine !

A religious old lady, when asked her opinion of the organ of a church, the first time she had seen or heard one, said : " It's a vera bonny kisfc fu' o' whistles ; but, oh, sirs, it's an awfu' way o' spending the Sabbath day ! "

Said a woman speaker in a New Haven suffrage meeting, " Woman is' in every respect the equal of mau. Her reputa-* tion for heroic bravery "—at that point a mouse ran into sight, and the orator jumped on the table and. screamed ! '

" How many of you are there ? " asked a voice from an upper window,' of a sere-t nading party. "Four," was the reply, " Divide that among you," said, a voice, as a bucket of slops fell, "like the gentle dew from heaven," on those beneath.

•A Texas newspaper avers that a man who deliberately strangled his infant at the christening was acquitted' by the jury,beoause he proved that the deed was com-* mitted while he was crazed by the sudden discovery that his child resembled his mother-in-law. An experienced lady observes that a good way to pick out a husband is -to see how patiently the man waits for his* dinner when it is behind time. Her husband remarks that a good way to pick out a wife is to see whether the woman has dinner ready in time. " War was. declared in my house a week before the Czar ' ■ thought of the thing," said Mr Johnson,' "and alt be- ! cause I happened to bring home a sample of butter. The old woman sent it flying across the Pruth, and commenced marching for me as if I was Constantinople." An inquisitive rat got his physical , economy considerably transposed the other day in Dunedin. He walked in among the cog-wheels of a newapaper machine ; when he emerged he might have been mistaken for a fathom of badlyspun rope-yarn. — Dunedin iV. Z. Press Neivs.

The other day some of the boys induced ft young man from Flint Creek to take hold of the handles of a galvanic battery. As ifc puckered him up he roared : ;" Jimmy Criminy, let up! Who ever heard of a thing that could make you taste greon persimmons with your hands before?"

" What do you sell these fowls for ? " inquired a person of a man attempting to dispose of some chickens of a questionable appearance. " I sell them for profits,"was the answer. " Thank you for the information that they are prophets," responded the querist ; " I took them for patriarchs."

Scientists are travelling further and further into the night of prehistoric agca, and dragging to light the wonders of that mysterious realm, but no traces have yet been discovered sufficient to even approximately determine the time when man first had occasion for a small toothcomb. — Brooklyn Argus.

A suburban clergyman, a great stickler for a proper observance of the outward forms and ceremonies of the church, has frequently found it necesssary to remonstrate from, the pulpit with his congregation for not kneeling during service. Finding this unsuccessful, he determined to try what private exhortation would do, and, taking a note of the principal offenders, he commenced a round of visits. One of the first ladies upon whom he called listened to him with grave attention. "It is not from any want of reverence that I sit during prayers. But if you wore a 'pin back' yourself, Mr , you would know that kneeling was simply impossible." The worthy clergyman did nob call on any more fashionably-dressed ladies. — Melbourne Leader.

The Nelson Daily Times' Wellington correspondent sends the following as the full, true, and correct cablegrams which have passed between Major Atkinson and Sir Julius Vogel about the London Agency : —

Wellington, 16th July.

To the Agent-General — My dear Sir Julius, to assuage The Opposition's " Heathen rago," . Will you ressign your present billet ? We've got a man out here to fill it. (Signed) Atkinson. To this the following reply was received on Thursday morning :—: — London, 18fch July. To the Hon. &c. You ask me, Major, to resign This pleasant agency of mine ; You cannot seriously suppose it ; Ifc'B not for Julius if he knows it. (Signed) Vogel,