Round the Sanctums.

Otago Witness, Issue 1340, 4 August 1877, Page 4

Round the Sanctums.

AN. ENTHUSIASTIC TAX COLLECTOR. Mr Slingsby, our assessor and tax collector, holds on too. He is another model member of our civil service. The principal characteristic of Mr Slingsby is enthusiasm. He has an idea that whenever a man gets anything new it ought to be taxed, and ho is always on hand to perform the service. I had about fifteen feet added to one of my chimneys last spring : and when it was done, Slingsby called and assessed it, under the head of " improved real estate," at eighty dollars, and collected two per cent, on it. A few days later, while I was standing by the fence, Slingsby came up and said, " Beautiful dog you have there." "Yes; it's a setter." "Indeed! A setter, hey? The tax on setters is two dollars. I'll collect it now while I have it on my mind." I settled tho obligation, and the next day Slingsby came round again. He opened the conversation with the remark, "Billy Jones told me down at the grocery store that your terrier had had pups." "Yes." "A large litter?" "Four." " Indeed ! Less see ; tax is two dollars ; for times two is eight — yes, eight dollars tax, please. And hurry up, too, i£ you can, for they have a new batch of kittens over at Baldwin's, and I want to ketch old Baldwin before he goes out. By the way, when did you put that weathercock on your stable ? " "Yesterday." " You don't say ! Well, hold on, then. Pour times two is eight, and four — on the weathercock, you know —is twelve. Twelve dollars is the exact amount." " What do you mean by four dollars tax on a weathercock ? I never heard of such a thing." " Didn't hey? Why, she comes in under the head of ' scientific apparatus.' She's put up there to tell which way the wind blows, ain't Bhe? Well, that's scientific intelligence, and the apparatus is liable to tax." "Mr Slingsby, "that is the most absurd thing I ever heard of. You might just as well talk of taxing Butter wick's twins." "Bntter — You don't mean to say Butterwick has twins? Why, certainly they're taxable. They come in under the head of * poll-tax.' Three dollars apiece. I'll go right down there. Glad you mentioned it." Then I paid him, and he left with Butterwick's twins on bis memorandum-book. A day or two afterward Mr Slingsby I called to see me, and he said, " I've got a case that bothers me like ' thunder. You know Hough the tobacconist? Well, he's just bought a new wooden Indian to stand in front of his store. Now, I have a strong feeling that I ought to tax that figure, but I don't know where to place it. Would it come in as 'statuary?' Somehow that don't j seem exactly the thing. I was going to j assess it under the head of ' idols,' but the idiots who got up this law haven't got a word in in reference to idols. Think of that, will you? Why we might have paganism ranging all over this country, and we couldn't get a cent out of them. I'd a put that Indian under 'graven images,' only that aiu't mentioned, either. I s'pose I could tax the bundle of wooden cigars in his fist as 'tobacco,' but that leaves out the rest of the figure ; and he's not liable to poll-tax because he can't even vote. Now, how would it strike you if I levied on him as an ' immigrant ? ' He was made somewheres else than here, and he came here from there, consequently he's an immigrant. That's my view. What do you think of it ? " I advised him to try it upon that plan, and the next morning Mr Slingsby and Mr Hough had a fight on the pavement in front of the Indian, because Mr Slingsby tried to seize the immigrant for unpaid taxes. Slingsby was taken home and put to bed, and the business of collect- j ing taxes was temporarily suspended, i But Slingsby will be round again soon with some new and ingenious ideas that he has thought of during his illness. — Max Adeler.