Sentiment and Humour.

Otago Witness, Issue 1340, 4 August 1877, Page 19

Sentiment and Humour.

~Russian'Conveyancbs.— Outside Kara. A Two-foot Rule. — Keep the feet dry. The worst sort of growth in TanksLeaks. May Meetings — The Russians with the Turks. Music of the Past— The European ■ concert. The Centre of Gravity — An ,undortaker's nose. , . , „. Music of the Future-r-Opera-tio'ns of a .millitary nature. Fun's Dictionary— Bosh, a term used , to represent the butter used by those, who are badly bred. .When may babies be said to be literally living from hand to mouth ?—^hen .they are sucking their thumbs. / " Curiosities of Savage' Life"— A kind, of chief seldom found among barbarian tribes — a pocket-handkercfrie/. Russian Pronunciation!— The admi-,ral-in chief of the Turkish fleet is always alluded to in St. Petersburg as " Hobart P'shah ! " - Not Such a Fool as he Looks. — Parson :- Better fed than taught," I. fancy, boy ? Boy : Ees I be ; 'cos I feeds myself, and you teaches me ! " An; auctioneer recently "declined to praise some old china he was offering for sale, saying it had already been sufficiently *' cracked up." A Correction. — Dr Schliemann writes in confidence to deny that he said the relics found at Troy were des-Troyed when he dug them up. John Bull in a Fix— Gladstonbvitch— "What ! would you countenance the atrocities?'' Beaconsfield Pasha— "Would you give up the road to India 1 "~Fun. Good works, like thejgolden earrings of the Israelites, are valuable in themselves ; but if once erected into a golden calf, to be worshipped and relied upon, are pernicious. , Two Grants.— The Welsh miners are to be granted the "Albert" medal. '.The Emma miners have had, their Albert Grant, and they ' probably wish 'that Albert hadn't medalled. , A girl who can put a Bquare patch on a pair of pantaloons may not be, so accomplished as one who can work a green worsted dog on a yellow groundj but she is of more real value in the community. " I say, Paddy, that ia the worst-look-ing horse you drive I ever saw J Why don't you fatten him up 1 " «• Fat him up, is it?,' Faix,the poor baste, can. hardly carry the little meat that's on him now " replied Paddy. * ' , ' " i Love "is "indeed heaven upon earth; since heaven above would not be heaven without it ; for^ where love is not, .there ,is fear ; but, '" perfect love cas'teth out fear." And "yet we naturally fear' most to offend what we most* love. ; A husband who^was suspected to be under .wifely dominion, appearing one. morning with sundry^cratctie^on h'is^for'ehead,"was .asked if they were marks l the chickenpox. . , ", Worse than ' that," he ."replied, ," they're thejnarks of the hen-peck.'!., ; A' Kentucky dentist undertook '|'p piug one of the back' teeth, of "a favourite -mule. .He .bored' and bored until. tWdriU. struck something that seemed to lift the animal's jsoulright out off, ..it's hinges. ' That's' the way the coroner explained it, and siace then a, wild mule, has been galloping up and down' the country, seeking for fresh worlds ,to .conquer. / '• ' ' . When a gues'tat an hotel sees the porter carrying a coil of rope 300 feet long into his. room, a,^feeling, of tranquil security comes oveVhim,' and he lies' down to sieep withqut.a .thought of fear. . But when a ,boy ( .sees_, his, father coming up stairs to .his room with only the little end of arbpe, not more than Wo feet long,' with Ta knot at one, .end, it, kindles a conflagration of wild apprehension, and ' terror. in.'hia soul that all 'the waters of ,' trie "Mississippi Talley; cannot quench. / ' ' ' In proposing to make one dozen'eggs hereafter in this State weigh one pound and eight _ ounces, Mr Humphrey is doubtless on the right lay. But one trouble still exists : Can the hens be made to shell out by rule 1 Can a concsious fowl be made a yolkfellow with a body of men which "sets" so of ten on porcelain dummies? Not much. ' Oh learning of the passage of so absurd a bill, every Biddy in the State will truss up 'and pass out" of the barnyard with a "vertical strut." Eggs-actly. ' We make the following verbatim extract from the remarks of one of our German fellow-citizens on the subject of tjie. frequent grass-cutting on the' common. He is evidently a Hayes man. He says : " Off I coold write so goot English vat I speak, I vould say to those vellers mit der Shtate. House, how you vas out dose grasses so much effery tay, unt ' gif embloyments to some mens vat do' 'belter to "sweep dose street's oud, and doantlief der beoples get shmell of dose hay' vat combs yen dose grasses is left shtanding sometimes, hay ? " The revival movement, to use the language of little boya about marbles, is " in," and, as usual, the gentler .and more emotional Bex are the firat 'to feel' its influence. A gentleman complained to> an old friend the other day that, his wifewaa losing her head on the subject of religion — she appeared to think more of Dr Somerville now than of him. Hia friend tried to console him :— " You've; often complained of her temper before ; this may make her alive to a sense of her sins." "If it did that," he answered, " I wouldn't object. But the unfortunate part of it is that she always comes home.from a revival meeting deeply oppressed with a sense of mine ! " — Melbourne Leader,, ' ' "~ , ' „ ■ -