Sentiment and Humour.

Otago Witness, Issue 1296, 30 September 1876, Page 19

Sentiment and Humour.

A shiftless woman — Eve. ' : A man of note — A musician. A man of the time— Earl de la Warr. ' The sort of rain vivisectionists want-i-cats and dogs. •• Best locality for a perfumer — Tlje scenter of the city. !t They who possess the deepest knowledge of human nature are the least violent in blaming frailties. •' If you give love to others they will feturn it with interest, and if you give hate, you will be paid in the same coin. Be watchful of trifles, for they make tip the sum of human things, and organize those little springs which move the great ones of our existence. Wb are very apt to ask of God what we are unwilling to give to oar iieighboura~ mercy. If we were really forgiven only as we forgive, we should have a hard timd.:

An Irish gentleman of a mechanical turn took off his gas metre to repair 1 -it himself, and put it on again upside down. At the end of the quarter it was proved with arithmetical correctness that the gaa company owed him £3 75. ; 6d. ' \ A man who had been wounded in' a railroad accident was denied admiesiori'io an hotel at Oakland, California, because he mi^ht keep the boarders awake,' aild in the morning all the boarders left, because he had not been cared for.' % 'i

While two Ohio tramps were working to pay for their dinners the other day, they were both struck by lightning sJnd killed. It was the first time the lightning ever got a lick at a tramp at work, and: It struck as if it knew it was going to be the last. ■• ■ k>

Nothing is more common than* 'for great thieves to ride in triumph' when young ones are punished. But 'let ' wickedness escape as it may, at the lasi 'it never fails of doing itself justice ; : -for every guilty person is his own hangman. — Seneca. " Ah ! me ! " sighed a damp-eyed man, as he left the cemetery where he had just planted his wife ; " she was all the world to me, and I shall not be far behind her"." And sure enough he wasn't. In less than a week he was right along side of her, but she was another woman. <> '• " What a traveller you have become 4" exclaimed a Bostonian on meeting an acquaintance at Constantinople. "To tell you the truth," was the frank reply, '-' I am obliged to run about the world to keep ahead of my character ; for the momerit'it overtakes me I am ruined."

"Donald," said a Scotch dame, lookihg up from the Catechism to her son, " what is a slander V " A slander, gude mithe»l" quoth young Donald, twisting the corner of his plaid, " a-weel, I hardly ken, unless it be mayhap, an owre true tale which one gude woman tells of anither." 1 x

Consumption, Bays Thomas Fuller/is a certain messenger of death, bat know that of bailiffs sent to arrest us for the debt of nature none useth his prisoners with more civility and courtesy than consumption ; though too often an ill use is made thereof for the prisoners to flatter themselves into a possibility of escape ;" while of toothache he speaks as follows : " A grievous disease of all that are not immortal ; but, blessed be God !it hath raised many people from their beds, and it has sent few to their graves ; often hindered sleep, seldom caused death. But know, if we had our due, it is rfot the aching of the teeth, but 'gnashing'of of the teeth ,' which we deserve."

Pass It this Way, Mjk, Bkown. — Mr Brown kept boarders. Around Mr Brown's table sat Mr Brown, Mrs Brown, Mrs Andrews, the village milliner ; Mr Black, the bakor ; Mr Jordan, a carpenter ; and Mr Hadley, a flour, feed and lumber merchant. Mr Brown took out, of his pocket-book a ten dollar note, and handed it to Mra Browu, saying : " Here, my dear, are ten dollars toward tho twenty I promised you." Mrs Brown handed it to Mrs Andrews, the milliner, saying, " That pays for 'my new bonnet." Mrs Andrews said to Mr Jordan as she handed him tho note, "That will pay you for your work on my counter." Mr Jordan handed it to Mr Hadley, the flour, feed and lumber merchant, requesting him to give him credit for that amount on his lumber bill. Mr Hadley gave the note back to Mr Brown, saying, " That pays ten dollars on my board." Mr Brown passed it to Mrs Brown with the remark that that paid her the twenty dollars he had promised. She in turn paid it to Mr Black, to settle her bread and pastry account, who handed it to Mr Hauloy, wishing credit for that amount on his Hour bill, he again returning it to Mr Brown with the remark that it settled for that month's board. Whereupon Brow n put it back into his pocket-book, exclaiming that he " never thought a ten dollar note would go so far." Thus a ten dollar greenback was made to pay ninety dollars indebtedness inside of five minutes. Who says greenbacks are worthless 1 — Winsted Press,