Flotsam and Detsam.

Otago Witness, Issue 1290, 19 August 1876, Page 14

Flotsam and Detsam.

Si quid novisti rectius istis Candidas imperti; *i non, his utere mecum. "If you know anything better thaa those remarks of mine, kindly tell mo; if not, use these with me." I notice that Judge Ward discourses with 80*016 neatness on + he subject of kissing young women. The prosecutrix, as it appears, pokered the too adventurous young man, and the Judge ordered him to pay a tine of five pounds. The subject is one on wliich it requires some little experience to speak with authority, and we are not aware that Judge Ward is in a •position to speak with authority on a matter that hardly lios within the scope of his duties as Judge. On the whole 1 must agree with him that a poker skilfully used is a tolerably sure sign that the young woman is in earnest in her objections. I should like, just as a matter of law, to know if Judge Ward would take it as a sign of moral earnestness if the kissee said to th Q . kisser, "Don't; papa will see you." If not, where is the line to be drawn \ The Judge, 1 guess, has been reading his Ivanhoe, since he knows all about that Knight Templar statute. The third charge brought against Brian de Bois Guilbert was that — "He hath conversed with strange women contrary to the capital : Utf nitres noil, convei'santnr cum crlmneis mnlici'ibns." The fourth was — "He hath not avoided, nay he hath, it is to be feared, solicited the kiss of woman, by which, saith the last rule of our renowned Order, TJt fiKjiantnr oscula, the soldiers of the cross are brought into a snare."

I have heard of robbing Peter to pay Paul, but I never saw it more ingeniously carried out than in tho question of the City Council and tho Harbour Board over the Quays Reserve. The assumption is that if the Harbour Board gets them they will be lost to the city. What would the city be, I ask, without the harbour ? Why just exactly nowhere. The harbour is the very life and soul of the city, and the city would speedily dwindle and die out without it. It is the most shortsighted policy in the world, surely, to exhibit anything like jealousy of the harbour on which the whole existence of this town depends. How about the Calico Ball, and what does a Calico Ball mean 'I How does it come to pass that ono lady at it is described as wearing a black silk dress, with black tulle over it ? is this calico 1 No. Velvet and lawn, white lace and Tarletan are the materials freely used, as it seems, to represent the calico which should be ie rigueur. I am terribly impressed with the ac-

count given of Mr Charles O'Neill's uniform. It ran thus—" This is the same uniform worn by Mr O'Neill when in command of a detachment of the Guard of Honour at the opening of the Loch Katrine Water Works, being the first occasion on which the Queen saw her Volunteers, and also afterwards, when he was presented to Her Majesty as one of the representative officers at tho great Volunteer levee hold in St. James's Palace." Now, lam quite sure there is no room for a man like Mr O'Neill in this Colony. The man is too large altogether for hi* boots— not to say his uniform. He had better go and see the Queen again, and be happy. Pussy cat, pussy cat, where have you been ? I've been to London seeing the Queen. Pussy cat, pussy cat, what did you there? I frightened a little mouse under the chair. Is there, O great O'Neill, still remaining in the right sleeve, the same spot of grease that was there, when you looked out of the uniform to see the Queen 1 Tell us, is there tne same crease in the right leg of the breeches I These are the sort of facts we all want to know. Never mind about the Queen ; tell us about yourself— all about yourself. I can never hear too much of that sweet subject.

(jive me the consistent man who never changes at all. Such a one I iind in Mr Rowe, who is not ashamed to say that he never did believe in the Public Works policy, and he doesn't believe in it now ; that he was always oppo-ed to borrowing, and he is still opposed to it ; that he always admired Provincialism, and he is still an admirer.

The Wauganui pcoplo are in despair. Not merely have they sold their political morality, but they seem in a fair way to lose the price. They have not yet got their harbour, and they seom to be in trouble about their debentures. They are just about sold, even if the Premier has no influence to sell their debentures at home. Let them be happy, a time will come perhaps when they will be glad they could not borrow. I congratulate Mr Johnston, the late Curator of the Museum at Christchurch, who has started business on his own account, and has hatched out this year's ova. Now. don't tell me that Evolution is not proved. Did he sit close ? Did he prove an attentive mother 1 These are matters that the Press Agency has omitted to tell us. Why has it omitted this 1 I, for my part, would prefer to hear how Mr Johnstone gets on with his eggs, to any account of how Barnaby Addlepate ran away with the till, and that is what the Agency tells ub mostly. OItUSTAUEAN.