Varieties. AUSTRALIAN NEWS.

Otago Witness, Issue 930, 25 September 1869, Page 16

Varieties.

AUSTRALIAN NEWS.

Complaints that old maids would like to be troubled with — chaps on their lips. Wedlock is a bad fastening when it keeps a man out o' his own doors o' nights.

Why are fowls fashionable birds ?— Because they always appear dressed for dinner. " A play upon words," as the schoolboy said when he kicked the dictionary up and down the school.

A Yankee merchant advertises for a burg lar. He has broken the key of his safe, and cannot get at the valuables. " Btjy a trunk, Pat ? " said a dealer. " And what for should I buy a trunk ? " rejoined Pat. "To put your clothes in," was the reply. "And go naked ? " exclaimed Pat ; " not a bit iv it."

The Tip ok the Toe. — A friend of ours prophesied on the day before the race, that we should have a fearfully wet day for the Oaks. On being asked whence he derived his knowledge, he answered • from his achecorns. '

A gentleman saw an advertisement that a receipt for the cure of dyspepsia might be had by sending two postage stamps to the advertiser. He sent his stamps, and the answer was, " Dig in your garden aud let whiskey alone."

A ssioking bishop dined with Admiral Farragut once upon a time, and after the dessert tendered a bunch of Havanas to the sailor, with the invitation, " Have a cigar, admiral ? " — " No, bishop," said the admiral, with a quizzical glance, " I don't smoke. I swear a little sometimes."

Husband and Wipe. — ' If lam not at home from the party to-night at ten o'clock,' said a husband to his bigger and better half, • don't wait for me.' ' That I won't' replied the lady significantly, ' 1 won't wait, but I'll come for you I ' The gentleman' returned at ten o'clock precisely. When a lady condescends to a practical joke, it is generally a very neat one. M. Boncourt, the rich financier, was very stingy to his wife in the matter of pin-money. One day a lady, closely veiled, and very anxious not to be recognized, called upon him and borrowed a large sum, leaving her diamonds as a pledge. It was his wife. I like music. I can't sing. As a singer I am not a success. lam saddest when I sing. So are those who hear me. They arc sadder even than I am. Tho other night some silvervoiced young men came under my window, and sang ' Come where my love lies dream* ing.' I didn't go. I didn't think it would be correct.— Artemus Ward.

A Turkish tiler, being at work on the roof of a house, fell into the street upon a man, whom he killed, without any serious injury to himself. The son of the deceased caused him to be nrrested, and conducted to the CadL The tiler, confessing the accident, stated that he would willingly afford the son an opportunity to retaliate on liim,, " Ascend to tho roof where I was," said he to the son i " I will place myself where your father was, then you may fall upon mo aud kill mo if you can."

A Match for the Boston Lawtbb.— Ruf us Choate, the greiit Boston lawyer, in an important assault and battery case at sea, had Dick Barton, chief mate of the clipper ship Challenge, on the stand, and badgered him so for about an hour that Dick got his salt water up, and hauled by the wind to bring a keen Boston lawyer under his batteries. At tho beginning of his testimony Dick said that tho night was as " dark as tho devil, and raining like seven bells." Suddonly Mr. Choate asked him " Was there a moon that, night ? " " Yes, sir." " Ah, yes 1 a moon-—." " Yes, a full moon." "Did you sec it?" "Not a mite." " Thfin how do you know that thero was a moon P " " The Nautical Almanack said so, and I'll believe that sooner than any lawyer in this world. " " What was the principal luminary that night, sir ? " " Binnaclelamp aboard tho Challenge." "Ah, you arc growing sharp, Mr. Barton." "What tho blfisiea have you been grinding mo this hour for—to make mp dull ? " "B« civil, sir. And now tell me what latitudo and longitude you crossed tho Equator in?" "Shft*— you're jokin'." " No, sir. Inm in earnest, &nd I desire you to anawor mo. " " I shan't," «• Ah, you refuse, do you ? " •• Yes I can't." " Indeed ! You aro chief mato of n clipper ship, and unable to answer so simple a question P " " Yes, 'tis tho simplest question I over hod asked me. Why. I thought every fool of » lawyer knew that thero ain't no latt* tudo at tbo Equator," Tfest shot floored

- The .GovernmeutUf Now", South JM Wales, »re about to invite the, assistance of ' the other, colonies in, the establishment, of an English monthly mail service via Torres Straits; , t .> t - '- " > Messrs Dalgety, Blackwobd, and Co. have been requested by His Excellenoy Governor Weld to purchase andi { present to Captain Neil M'Eaohern; of the baraue Aunfera, upon his arrival in this port, the beat telescope that can be procured, as a recognition of services rendered to the passengera by the mail steamer Balolutha. A number of gentlemen oonneoted with mining interests, says the Argus of the 2nd inst are to start today for Tasmania for the purpose of taking up and working a large area of ground on the Waterhouae Reef, the prospeots entertained respecting which appear to be of a very encouraging charaoter. They aaU by the steamer Tasmania for Launceston, and are said to represent a con* siderable amount of capital wbioh is to be invested in the venture. Some specimens of the quartz taken from the reef were recently orushed in Melbourne, and yielded, it is stated, 290z of gold from 18owt. of stone. According, to the Guildford correspondent ofthet)aily News, the grog raid instituted byNewsteadshire appears to have been unusually successful, no less th»n twenty-sue summonses having been issued. An axaxxuing incident occurred at Blanket Gully, while a search. for grog was being made. A ohi'd Game in and plaoed a coin on the table, saying, "Mother wants gi j" but before the words could be uttered, the storekeeper thrust his linger in the child's mouth, and ■aid, 4< If your mother wants pepper, tell her I have none ground j you must come back in half an hour." At a meeting of the Melbourne Chamber of Commerce, held on the 31st tilt., the secretary laid before the committee additional information received on the subject of telegraphic communication with Europe, and stated that an application had just been submitted to the governments of South Australia, Victoria, and New South Wales, for a subsidy of 6 per cent, on a oapital of L 380.000, that is to say, L 22.800 per annum, of which Victoria and South Australia were asked to pay each 2-6thß, and New South Wales and West Australia each l-oth. The company intended to be formed on suoh subsidy to continue the lines from Adelaide to the north.west coast of Australia by land, and thence by oable to the west end of Java, to whioh point English capitalists proposed to bring' the lines. Governor Weld had given in his approval of ths soheme, and had promised it his utmost support. The expedition sent out under Mr Forrest's command in April last, towards the interior of the continent, by the Government of Western Australia, in the hope of clearing up the mystery which envelops* the fate of the long-lost Leiohardt, has returned in safety, but without finding any traoe whatever of the remains of the lost party. The statements made by the aborigines two years ago respecting the remains of white men seen many yem ago in the interior were suoh as to carry conviction with them, and induce the belief that they oould be none other than those of the party of the lost explorer. The localities pointed out have now beea travelled over without success, and we are left to impugn the veracity of "blaokfeUow" at our leisure. The oountry is desoribed as being without any permanent water, quite unfit for stock, and otherwise discouraging. For some time past the Telegraph department of Viotoria has been preparing returns relative to the amount of traffic and the cost of telegrams on the different lines throughout the colony, with a view to enable the Government to decide on a soheme of reduction In the present charges for transmitting messages. The working at the reduced rate in the other colonies is alto carefully noted. The South Australian system has been an acknowledged success ; and the reduction in Tasmania from half.a«crown to a uniform rate of one shilling has resulted in an inorease of 16 per cent, on the amount aotually reooived for messages. It is not improbable that the inspector of telegraphs will recom. mend a uniform rate of one penny per word for all messages to and from any telegraphoffice in Viotoria, and that press reports will be forwarded at half -prico, the minimum in alLoases being one shilling. ,_.„., Mr Brough Smyth's work on " The Goldfields and Mineral Districts of Viotoria " has met with » sale, the success of whioh would be extraordinary, oven for a book of corresponding prioe mi character in England. The number of oopies printed w*s 1600, of which 400 have been sent to England, and all the rest, save a vory f»w, disposed of in Victoria and the Australia* ONcote, the demand for the work in New Zealand having b«en especially large. As early aspossibk After the publication of tho book six oopies worn sent home by the Groat Britain, and the carrier engaged to paok them in a case lined with tin. However ho failtd to do so, and on the occasion of tho fire whioh broke out on the passage the books were spoilod by tho m* water whioh was swashod otot th« cargo. Only one copy wai taken out in anything Uktadooent oondition, and this was left at the Agent-Graeral's offioo. Mr Verdon hasolossd with Trubner and Co., th» well known pub. Ushws, to.plaoo tho book on tho London marktt. . . A groat Improvement in the soloplate of the swing plough has just bom mado by Mr Hugh Lennou, th« well-known ploughmak«r, Elisabeth streat, Melbourne. It is termed the " shifting or ground- gripping" sole-plate, and Oh* inventor has seourta Royal letters patent lor it, The prominent otantotexirtio of this

,ittv<mtion>,Uke all the best improyementl; , ( is, in. its, simplicity 1 jut i* made in twd;partf iso thalthejpart or a heel;of, the sole-plate .mofit I liable to wear can be replaced without skilled or mechanical labour—a great, benefit,; we imagine, at any time, and especially now that bo many have enrolled themselves ' in the list 1 of farmers, and are carrying on operations on virgin soil, and at inconvenient distances from the country blacksmiths. The way in whioh the improvement is utilised is as follows :~Giying a turn to a nut gives i the plough a better " bite," if the ground be ! hard ; if the latter be soft, a less turn ! will i suffice.^ When the sole*plate is worn down |at the heel, this new addition can be so arranged as to keep the parallel line true from heel to point of sock j this can be done until it is fairly worn out, when it can be re> plaoed by a duplicate, exaotly similar to, the original,' and at a nominal price— say, two shillings or half-a-orown. A prophecy was made at the time of the last earthquake and wave in South Amerioa that auoh'another.wave would visit th« shores of Australia in the beginning of October in the present year, and would inundate all the low country lying to seaward of Melbourne j and a paragraph which appeared in a newspaper some weeks ago drew attention to the prediction afresh. This has so alarmed several residents of Sandridge that some four or five families are said to have removed to Oarlton, with the sole object of being out of reach of the overwhelming billow. For the p&st few days the impending calamity has formed the topic of conversation in most of the waterside suburbs, some persons making fun of the idea, while others seriously discuss the probability of its truth, and already the height, size, duration, and other little detail* have been settled by the sensationalists. It may be some consolation to those who have fled to Carltcn and other elevated distriots to be informed that, aocording to the experience of other localities, while the low country is being devastated by the giant wave, tho habitations of the dwellers in high places are shaken to the foundations, and occasionally swallowed up by the gaping earth, which belches forth scalding water, red fire, sulphureous vapours, <feo. The wave is said to be due on the sth of next month, though previous notice of its arrival will be given by the gradual rising of the waterainthe bay. An ingenious individual has suggested that there may be yet time to construct a conduit by which the flood might be oarried through Little Bourke street, whioh is said to want cleansing to a considerable extent.

The running at the Randwiok races has had the effect, says the Argua, of considerably shortening the odds against several of the Metropolitan candidates. On the strength of Charon 8 performance in the Derby, his stable companion, Ragpicker, has advanced to 10 to 1, and Sir William's dead heat with Barbelle has brought him into the same division, The Earl receding about half a dozen points, in consequence of the indifferent form displayed by Mr Tsit's horees. Circassian, who won the Epsom Handicap, with 9st 51b upon his back, has come into the market with a tremendous ruah, and from an extreme outside position has vaulted into that of second favourite, his price being about 6to 1. Taking into consideration the fact of this horse having but 7st lllb(inoluding 31b penalty), his chance appears equal to anything engaged in the raoe, excepting Tim Whiffler, who still remains firm at the head of affairs; 70 to 20 was the highest offer against him yesterday, and this was made by a gentleman wishing to hedge that amount. Tho Maiden Plato was made the medium of a large amount of speculation in conjunction with the Metropolitan. The t«mp ing odds of 100 to 4 against naming the winners of both events induced large numbers to try their fortune Moselle, who will meet Charon in the Maiden Plate on 51b. better terms than in the Derby, was, if anything, a better favourite than Mr Fisher's horse, the Derby winner having a penalty of 10lb. to carry. The Fop, who has no penalty, wan also taken pretty froely for the Maiden Plate, and Lamplighter and Paradise came in for a share of support, the principal selections for the Metropolitan being Tim Whifiler, Ciroas* sian, Italian, Stumpy, Ragpioker, Barbelle, and Sir William.

A new invention has just been patented in Melbourne* which promises to greatly influenoe future sluicing operations in saving Sid, tin ore, and precious stones, in tho ape of a falso bottom to simoon. The ex. treine simplicity of the new plan makes it easy to describe. A board, tho width of the sluice used, and two inohes thiok, is obliquely perforated with an augur at an angle of forty-ny« degrees against or under the stream. Tho distance between the holes is equal to the diameter of the hole. The rows of holes are four or five inohes apart from centre to centre. A saw-out is then made about a quarter of an inoh from the upper part aorons each row of holes an inch deep, at exactly the sameangle as the perforations. A ripple In addition to the holes is then formed between each row by adiing about one inoh from tho next row, sloping ibe same to the bottom of tho saw>ont. The secret of tke invention is here disolosod. Naturally, the heavy metal finds its way to tho bottom of ihe material operated upon : this falls over the ripples into the holes, whioh, by their pocttUar oonstruotion, cause a " boiling" backwards in tke holes out of the poww of the stream, whilst the lighter dirt flows off with it. Tke effideaoy ofthMo false bottoms has befln testified to by Mr Witt. M.L.A., chairman of directors of tho Koeebone Company's mint, Eldorado, where tke Invention was brought to porfdottou, and where tho saving effected by the apparatus above described it tiatod to amount to oonsidsmbly oror IfIOOO

juaeir extieuw i simplicity,' '- oneapnesiT 1 and effeofcive self -'aotingfeEentiba of tHe ; valuable portion of thaf which! pasties over thorn; ; It is said that gold, tin ore, or gems dnCe oaught can never be washed 1 away. - ' The infentoir is Mr S. Milligan, late manager of the Knee-, bone' Company, and a model: of his patent may be seen at the office of Messrs Baillie and Butters, Collins street. „ , ;,, The machinery for the Victorian Mint I whioh arrived in Melbourne per ship Hecuba, is of the most interesting description. It was manufactured after the boat existing patterns, and is nob only far superior to the old-fash-ioned machinery still used in the Royal Mint, but embraces all the improvements suggeuted by experience of the apparatus lately supplied, by the same maker (Mr. Joseph Toy for, of Birmingham) to the French Imperial Government. It consists, firstly, of a rolling mill, into whioh the gold is passed in fillets one inoh and a half wide and half an inch thick. These fillets, oarried between revolving cylinders, are eventually brought to the required thiokness of the far famed B'itish sovereign, and are next passed through the cutting- out presses, whioh form the second item of the machinery. By this latter means the sovereign first atsumes circular shape, though its faces are still blank. The next operation is performed by a machine to turn up the edges of the disc, which then goes into a weighing-machine, is washed in a bath of acids, and finally passed over to the stamping-machines, whioh impress thereon the most popular medallion likeness of Her Majesty which art has yet developed. There are four of these stamping-machines to 'give the coin its obverse, reverse, and milling. In addition to the above are four automaton balanoes.madeby Napier, of Lambeth, whohos improved upon the original invention of Mr Cotton, of the Bank of England, so muohas to make still more remarkable one of the most surprising pieces of meohanism ever known. Tho rate of manufacture may be guessed from the faot that each of the four stamping-ma-chines will turn out 200 sovereigns per minute, or a total of 384,000 per working day of eight hours. The cost of the mechanical means thus provided is about LI 5, 000. The buildings for the Victorian Mint are not yet begun, but the preliminary work, under the superintendence of Mr Wardell, inspector-general of public worktr in Victoria, and Mr Foratall Comber, the Imperial consulting engineer, is finished, and the contract for the erection will shortly be taken up. ' The publio must understand that our mint service resembles that of our local Admiralty survey so far that, Imperial interests being involved, the Colonial Government payß for the work done to the Imperial Government, whioh in return payß the officers of the establishment, who are thus removed, to a certain extent, from local interference. At present, Mr Comber representa the home Government, but his chief (Colonel Warde, late of the Sydney mint), is shortly expected, and thus the staff will soon be complete. It is expected that Victorian sovereigns may be looked for in ten months from this date.