Varieties.

Otago Witness, Issue 904, 27 March 1869, Page 16

Varieties.

Charity — the only thing that we can give away without losing it. The Greatest Undertaking in London. —The Underground Railway. Lovers, Observe. —Before a man cait enter the abode of matrimony it is necessary that he should ring the belle. If brooks are, as poets call them, the most joyous things in nature, what are they always murmuring about ?

Friendship.— "Where are you going?" asked a gentleman of an acquaintance. "To see a friend." " Then I should like to ga with you, for I never saw one yet." A yotTNG gentleman speaking of a young beauty's fashionable yellow hair called it pure gold. "It ought to be," quoth an old bachelor, "it looks like twenty-four carrots."

A Frenchman cannot pronounce "ship." The word sounds "sheep" in his mouth. Seeing an ironclad, a Frenchman asked, " ta dish a war-sheep ?" " No,'* answered a boy, "it's a ram."

A Spirited Reply.— A poor fellow, oa> being rescued from drowning, was asked to' take some spirits and water. " No, I thank you," replied he, " I have hacf water enough already ; I'll take the spirits alone." A Question Solved — A company of young ladies lately discussed this question :— Whal is the great duty of man? One of them, dressed d la mode from head to foot, contended that it was to pay milliner's bill?. This was agreed to without a dissenting voice.

A Niagara Joke. — Niagara jokes, like our own sea-side jokes, some good and some' bad, are announced every season. The latest is that of a rural gentleman and his good wife, who watched the falls ail day long in amazement, concluding that there was certainly a great waste of water, but it would soon run out. The next morning, however, the gentleman was up early, and peeping oat of his chamber window, ho announced with the greatest astonishment depicted on his countenance, "Wife, I'll be daraed if the water ain't still gong over that dam." A Sentimental Young Lady on Bon* nets. — Oh the bonnets of my girlhood— the kind I wore to school ; I really thought them pretty — I must have been a fool. And yet I used to think myself on hats a jaunty miss j perhaps 1 was, as fashion went — but what was that to this ? Oh the lovely little pancake—the charming little mat ?' it makes my head so level, and so very, very flat. Oh, a) pater's lov« is charming, as everybody knows j and a handsome cousin's love is nice (that i& f I should suppose) ; and the love of a trua lover ia a love that cannot pall — bat t&e lay© of a new bonnet is fte dgawtf lsye of aj],