Varieties.

Otago Witness, Issue 878, 26 September 1868, Page 16

Varieties.

Takikg a Drain. — Jumping a ditoh. New Axiom.— A thorn in the bush is worth two in the hand.

When the good man dies, the tears he in life prevented flowing are shed. The prosperous man, who yields himself up to temptation, bids farewell to welfare, The earliest mention of a banking trass* action— When Pharaoh received a' check on the Bank of the Red Sea, which was crossed by Moses and Aaron. It is a common saying that the lower order of animals have not the vices of man, yet it is certain that some of the insects are backbiters, and all the quadrupeds are talebearers.

Police Intelligence. — The active officer who recently arrested a savage blow, has since further distinguished himself by stopping a flying report, and catching a violent cold.

A Dangerous GfifT. — The last possessor of the watch which was the cause of Barriagton, the pickpocket, being transported , has bequeathed it to the South Kensington Museitm. Curiosities of this sort gives so much delight to visitors that, not improbably, the watch in question will send some one into a transport again.

An Impossible "Renunciation.— The late Dr Risk, of Daiserf, did not satisfy, by his preaching, the Calvinistic portion of his flock. "Why, sir," said they, "we think you dinna tell us enough about renouncing our am righteousness." ""Renouncing your am righteousness .'" vociferated the astonished doctor; "I never saw ye had any to renounce."

Questions of Time.— What is the difference between the minutes of a meeting and the seconds of a duel ? Ts it correct to give tick to a watch-man ? Is it an anomaly that winding up a watch should make it go. and winding up a company always stops it ? Is it imprudent to tell a secret in the presence of a repeater? Should you strike a clock when it is down ? and when a clock strikes should you hit it again ?

The following story was told by Dr. Win. Arnot, at a soiree in a church in Edinburgh, the other evening : — "Dr. Maeleod and fir. Watson were in the West highlands together on a tour, ere leaving for India. While crossing a loch in a boat, in company with a number of passengers, a storm came avu One of the passengers was heard to say, • The twa ministers should begin to pray, or we'll a' bo drooned.' ♦ Na, na, f said the boatman, ' the little ane can pray if he likes ; but the big ane maun tak an oar.' " A Joking Phqfessor. — Professor S., of Dickinson College, is not much given to joking. Occasionally, however, this vein of his disposition is excited, and then his hits are of the hardest kind, and double edged. One morning, not long ago, he found a horse in the recitation room. The class had collected, and with solemn countenances awaited the entrance of the professor. He came in, looked around deliberately, first upon the horse, then upon the class, and remarked, at the same time twitching his shirt-collar — '• Ahem ! You have got a new olasamate, I see. I'm glad it's a ho«e,j there wore j*oj|. wpep enough before,"