UNKNOWN.

Otago Witness, Issue 851, 21 March 1868, Page 14

UNKNOWN.

"What nation produces the most marriages? —Fascination.

Which is the business that would * soot ' anybody I—Chimney-sweeping.1 — Chimney -sweeping. Why is a man who keeps bis eyes shut like an illiterate schoolmaster ? — Because he keeps his pupils in darkness. Mean spirits under disappointment, like small beer in a thunder-storm, always turn sour.

"A little learning is a dangerous tiling," as the savage said when he learnt to drink spirits.

A smart youngster, hearing his mother remark that she was fond of music, exclaimed, " Then why don't you buy me a drum?"

" Sam," said a lady to an American milkboy, " I gue33, from the looks of your milk, that your mother pur, dirty water in it." " No, she didn't, nuther. I seed her draw it clean out of the well 'fore she put it in." All thk Differexcr. — '-Ah, Sam, so you've been in trouble, eh ?" "Yes, Jem, yes." "Well, well, cheer up, man, adversity tries ua, and shows up our better qualities." ".Ah, but adversity didn't try me; it was au Old 3-iailey Judge, and he showed up my ■vvors.t qualities."

Ax Irishwoman once called upon an apothecary with a sick infant, when he gave hur some powder, of which he ordered her so much ap would lie on a sixpence, to be given every m >rniug. The woman replied, " Perhaps your honor would lead me the sixpence the while, as I have not uot one by me at all, at all.''

Gcrmux TVikes. — A Philadelphia paper assures ira readers that borne of the German m ines are as sf>ur as vinegar, .and as rough as a file. "It is remarked of the wines of Stutgarii," says this ;iuth;;rity, "that one is like a c;ifc scampering down your throat head foremost, and anotii r is like drawing the samE cat back a'.ain by its tail."

A yovnu mm, a clerk in Leith, fell into the harbor of that po-t, the ladder slipping on which lie was walk ng from the vessel to the quay. jj?ot being aWe to swim, he cried so leud for help as to awaken the captain, who, on hiqtn'ring of one of his apprentice* what xras wrong, was coolly informed, " Oh, n-ithincr, si" ! only one of them clerics overboard I 7'I 7 '

ConiosiTir^ Wasted. — A bunch of blossom from a railway plmt ; the topma3t bough of an axle tree ; a crust roai the roll of the oce;m ; r\ fa ther from the crest of a wave ; some quills from the win«js of the wind ; a lock of hair faoin the head of a column ; a h op frora the pa)e of society ; the knife us.-d by rmgers when pealing the bells ; a broom tor sw< eping ;<saertions ; a collar for a neck of land ; a quizzing gliss for an eye to business ; a rocker from the cr.xdle of th« d*'ep ; a few tears from a weeping willow j and some down from the bosom of a lake.

Rkpkoof from the Pulpit.— The Rev. Mr Shirra, Kirkcaldy, could never endure to see any of his flock attend public worship in. clothes too fine for thw station in life. One Sunday a young lass who attended his meet-mg-kouse regula'ly, and was personally known to him, came in with a bonnet of greater magnitude and more richly decorated than he thought befitted the wearer. He soon observed it, and pausing in the middle of hs discourse, said, '' Leukonyx>' ye that's near hand there whether my wife be sleeping or no, as I canna get a glint o' her for a' thae falderals abt-ut Jenny Bean's Draw new bonnet."