ALL OVER LONDON.

Otago Witness, Issue 657, 2 July 1864, Page 3

ALL OVER LONDON.

[FHOM LONDON SOCIETY.]

I present myself to you as a man witli a grievance. Have you anything of that kind ? But of course you have. Every one has. None of us are without some Frankenstein, moral or physical. Still, allow me to say that yours must be a very excessive and abominable grievance, if able to challenge a comparison with mine : I don't believe you can match it. It's a miserable consolation at the best; but I rather pride myself upon my misery as a peculiarly fine one. I flatter myself it's original. One brilliant summer afternoin, I w;w strollingthrough one of our principal thoroughfares, and, for want of better amusement, presently stopped to look at a large collection of stereoscopic slides attractively displayed in a shop window. The pastime was somewhat dreary, asid singularly deficient in interest, until, to my utter amazement and indignation, I discovered myself as one of a gorgeously got-up group engaged in the solemn proceedings of a quadrille. I looked againrubbed my eyes— said it couldn't be— but, no ! the villainous fact remained— there was no mistake about it By some atrociously surreptitious process my features had been transferred—) was doing L'rtein a most excruciating way. My companions were far from possessing the stamp of gentle birth, «r even average respectability ; on the contrary, there was an unmistakeable vulgarity about them. They looked for all the world just what they evidently were— a set of Bohemians dressed and attitudinized, at so much per head per diem, in order to depict the presumed socialities of fashionable life. Tke whole tiling was arranged to form a very imposing tableau. Of course the male performers were habited in the accepted, time-honored, yet withal hideous garniture known by the title of " evening dress :"■— tke genius of the photographic artist was upon this question necessarily confined— but the representatives of the Marchioness So-and-So, the Ladies This and That, and the Misses What-you-please, were overpoweringly attired. The room was tremendous in coloring and gold : there were multitudes of wax-candles in miraculous sconces, which I strongly suspect formed a portion of some theatre "properties ;" and in one corner were to be observed a couple of long-haired musicians giving musical measure by the aid of pianoforte and cornet. Through an opeu door, the eye travelled down a fading vista of corridor illuminated by the flitting to and fro of elaborate flunkeys, one of whom was bending reverentially forward with a tray, from which a young lady in light-blue was elegantly removing some refreshment, striving as much as possible to appear per- j fectly oblivious of Jeames's presence — such a | method of proceeding being quite the tiling in polite society. You may jud<se, from this description, that the j general effect was superb, and would nave been entirely so, only that the apartment was about the size of an ordinary bath-room. In this, however, i there was a fair amount of truthfulness ; for does not Mrs Chester Digby Plantagenet, Mrs Walsingham Howard Percy, and the rest, contrive to bring about a hospitable asphyxia by the process of inviting a hundred and fifty guests into a space of twenty-four feet by_ eig3iteen ? But how on earth had I got into this hideous ! caricature of the " upper ten thousand ?" . Why was I made to do duty in it ? How had'it come , to pass ? Here was I— Vandeleur Pemberton Mowbray-rmixed up with the employes of a rascally photographer— literally forged into their company— made to posture delicately before the admiring eyes of a large coarse-looking woman in ! a gold tiara and ostrich plume. Vastly pleasant, forsooth ! Why of course ray acquaintances would recognise it, and I should be a»ore than suspected of hiring myself out at five shillings a day. What would be the use of my attempting explanation and denial ? Horrible thought ! And then that abominable Baster, with his infamous puns and insane efforts to he witty I Why I shall Tje driven half mad I He's sure to find it out! , ' •' I must confess that I became very free in speech— my tautteriugs spoke of Mephistopheles under a more euphonius appellative — five syllables is too much for a man in a passion — I was content with two, for which, in consideration df the exciting cause, I trust you will absolve me.' It's no use saying, "Oh! you must' have been I mistaken." I tell you I was miserably convinced. Do' you mean to say I don't know my own whiskers ? Ah ! that was what' the wretch coveted. • But this was only the initiative of my ghastly experience. I suddenly reasoned upon the strong probabilities of being present in some other festive scene, and I was not long in discovering my fears to be lamentably realised. Just above the ballroom affair, I found myself at a dinner-party. I was evidently a pet with the artist for I presided atone end or the prandial board : I was carving, and Jeames (the same creature who was supplying jellies to the aristocratic young pers^ in Blue) was behind my chair. The parties here concerned were of a graver cast than those immortalised in the soiree danscmte. The respectability of mature years seemed to be realised. Severelooking gentlemen, In \ttiite "waistcoats— a brace of military men, in regimentak~\HmAeto\is old ladies, in turbans and brocaded' silks'; 'and a sprinkling of youth and beauty! /But this, was not all. In another > elide, IwW banding an, en-

chanting damsel out of a boat. In another, I was holding the arrows of a bewitching toxopholitc. Then, again, I was at a tea-fight, going about with muffins : in fact, I was all over the window. My anathemas became more vehement and less suppressed in tone, and in a tolerable state of irritation I walked into the shop, determined to probe this audacious robbery of my features to the utmost. But I had misgivings from the first as the satisfactory result of inquiry. In an authoritative, hasty manner I desired to see their collection of stereoscopic groups. I noticed that the attendant observed my abrupt method of conveying the request; but I was quickly supplied with a large stock. I soon found one of my own especials, and sought its reverse, in order to discover the name and whereabouts of my enemy, but, just as I expected, there was no address whatever. I examined others, with the like result; and finding that I was go far foiled in my endeavors to fasten on my villain, I inquired from the shopman the source of these specimens. He seemed surprised at the tone I adopted, but informed me that they had them from a wholesale house.

"Be so good," said I, "as to tell me at once what wholesale house."

The attendant called lus master, to whom I repeated my request.

" May I ask, sir," replied he, " why you wish me to give you that information? But, excuse me — and he looked a little puzzled — haven't I seen your face before ?" " .something very much like it, I believe; — there's the rascality of the thing. Just look here, sir!" — as with an indignant look I directed bis attention to one of my immortalizings. His recognition of the portraiture was immediate, and his face wore a dubious expression as to the suitable line of conduct and reply. <k Of course," I said, " you don't mean to deny that that is my resemblance ; and I should like to know who has dared to ta^ such a liberty." i " Well, I must say, s>ir," he replied, " that I should not have supposed you to be one of our gentlemen, as we call them." *' I should think not, indeed. Then how is it that I am in that picture, and in several others?" said I, hastily selecting some additional evidences, and handing them to him. " Keally, sir, I know nothing about it. It seems strange, I must confess.'' " Will you favor me by saying whether such a trick could be managed 1" He was not a photographer, and did not know. " Well, have you ever heard that su<>h a thing is possible?" I continued. I saw that the wretch could say more than he chose ; but he stil fell back upon his presumed ignorance of the art. It was useless persevering any longer with him. He gave me the address of the wholesale house, and thither I at once departed; went over the same ground with the people there, and pressed the matter more stringently than I had done at the retail emporium. In truth I was in a positive rage, and insisted upon an elucidation of the mystery. All I got was a declaration that those slides of which I complained came from France. The rascals ! they saw they were in a. difficulty, and so fenced with it in every possible way. I asked for the name of their Paris correspondent, and so forth that inquiry bringing nothing more than an assertion that they could not say whether the artist had direct connection with the house in question, or only sold to them ; also that at that moment they could not exactly tell me the particulars. Of course theirs was » system of provocation : I hinted as much in no very enigmatical terms, and left the place, vowing I would make them suffer for ray annoyance. Now I suppose you will desire me to give you some ideas of my own &=> to this inscrutable appearance of my lineaments. All I ciin say is, that in every case where I am made to do duty the expression of my features and position of countenance is precisely the same. Make what you can outofthat. Of course the attitudes of body are various. In some rascally way, I suppose, my' head is stuck upon another man's shoulders. One of the five shilling professionals does the posturing, and is then decapitated, my upi er elegancies supplying the place. I can't tell you lioio it's done —-I merely give you my suspicion. If you can tell me a better method of explaining the villany, why I shall be grateful. : On my way through the Strand and Regentstreet I had the curiosity to examine nearly every window containing stereoscopic slides, the result being that in most instances I was intensely delighted by. a recognition of myself. Oh, it was quite clear ; I was all over London ! and ■of course I had travelled into the provinces. My reputation as a photographic model was a great fact. , Three days after this pleasant discovery I metthe atrodeus Baster in Regent-street The moment he stopped I knew my fate. He looked at me with a theatrically melancholic air, carefully got up for the occasion, and said— !' ■ " ; " Mowbray, my boy, I have been longing to tell you how confoundedly sorry I am." ' " Sorry for what 1" replied I, savagely. ? t ■ " Oh! don't be regardless of the eternal friends ! ship of Baster, whose soul was grieved within hitn wh,en constrained to, believe that Mowbroy was hard up." , , . , " Confusion take you ! What are you driving at ? „ ► i . • i "Ah! there it,, is again— won't v confide iin Baster, who, whep. he knew of the miserable contingency, groaned,in the miserable torture of his manly heart I" ; ••■':' • • . "I tell you what it is, Baster," 'said. I, in wrathy tones. ' ; ; "On! J wh'at!, angry Jwitti Baster? 'But, 'do tell me, does the photographer stand sandwiches and bottled 'beer as an ' elegant refection in the' middle of the day? - And when do you begin, and 1 what are the hours?" v "'I know what you're after, Baster ; but it's a rascally plot. Don't venture to say that "you believed me to resort to such means Of obtaining a livelihood j" and Hooked defiant. r > ' "My dear fellow, .lam far from wishing to' oftend sucb a chosen spirit of my' heart as' Mowbray • but be frank with Baster. Do ; there's a good fellow 1 ! ' Baster wants to khow : ali about it. Baster has been extravagant lately, and is very likely to go in for the same sort of* thing. " Who knows?" ' , - ' , "You are pretending not to understand me. I tell you it?* a vile trick." " Well, then, commend me to the photographic body for excellent faculties ' of inventive appropriation. Of course, Baster never doubts Mowbray's word.'' -' * "> ■ "I feel very much inclined — " ' "To attack your faithful Baster. I see you do. I notice the eye as dangerous. " Oh," the ingra- 1 titude of humanity ! ' f shall be off: for J I will' not beinstrumental in' making you the victim of aUfelongreniorße." ,' ' >"

" You're an ass, Baster !" "There! he' 3 calling me names; and what for, I should like to know. I merely utter the word 3of friendship — Eater's friendship !-rand I am called names — "

" You insane clown ! But, there— you are to be pitied." " Kind of Mowbray. But, now, I really wish to know whether that sirloin is a verity, or only a beautifully-painted wooden myth? and the turkey— is it a gastronomic bird, or only an economic substitute 1 and the pinno, and the cornet, are they real or dummy? And, oh! fne'word more. Is it true that you are engaged to one of the professional young ladies 1 I ask from a deep feeling of interest. Ten shillings a day between you-not so bad— that's three pounds a week. And, Mowbray "

But I would not stand any more of it; so, calling him a confounded fool, rushed off in a veryirate state of mind. Fine chance for such a mountebank as Baster: pleasant to be at his mercy ! , The storm thickened around me from day to jday. At an evening party I was assailed by inquiries highly calculated to contribute to my enjoyment. Young ladies had seen m°, ana wanted to hear ail about it. I have no doubt the wretch Baster glorified in spreading my discomfiture. In fact, I know it was one of his erand resorts. iThen I had letters from friends in the, country^ iconfirming my preconceived notions of provincial celebrity. Altogether lamin a pretty mess. Will you tell me what lam to do'? I have threatened the wholesale establishment with- legal proceedings; I have even employed the detective police to find out the author of this nefarious scheme, but he is still—" wanted." To be sure, I have so far frightened some of the craft that they have promised to keep me out of sight; but how will this avail, even supposing that' in some instances the promise is adhered to? ' „I.can't watch the entire British kingdom. I have had some vague notion of buying up all ray horrors : but I don't, on reflection, see how that could be managed. Sometimes I think, l wi|l employ an agent to travel about c< ntinu(illy, and; attack all he can see, from John o'Groats to the; Lands Jind. Then, again, I decide upon making a personal tour of inspection ; but cannot discover anything positively remedial. Th« mischief seems to be done. It is an abominable Hydra. ' I told you at starting that I had a grievance. And now you know what it is, I beg to ask what you think of it? What am I to do? l There appears to me only one remedy in the* present, and one hope in the future. I must either lose a grand individuality by shaving off my whiskers at once, or I must in patience wait for the time when, my stereoscopic renown shall be forgotten in the advance of age. i f P. E.

"Mr Whitworth's Mechanical Accuracy.—For the attainment of this consummate perfection, it is the belief of Mr Whitworfh' that the superiority of all machinery is dependent on two elements— the power of measuring with unerring precision, and, associated* with it, 1 the faculty of producing a true plane surfacej "that is, one so absolutely level that, when opposed to another of equal truth, their contact must "be in all parts complete. The astronomer royal! Mr Airey, in his evidence before a committee of the House of Commons, in 1855, stated that the degree to which Mr Whitworth had succeeded in " making perfect the planing of, surfaced was entirely unknown before his time." To such a pitch of excellence has he brought it by a process peculiar to himself, that a plate of metal prepared by him, when opposed to the face of another similarly treated, exhibits a contact so intimate as to enable the operator to lift the under one with it, as if by its actual adhesion to the other ;— or if less closely applied, so that' the thinnest possible layer of atmospheric air may still remnin between, the upper plate will rest on the unexcluSed 1 particles, as if floating on quicksilver. W ith similar' devotion to accuracy, Mr Whitworth in the search for a means of determining dimensions with precision, constructed a machine, so accurately and delicately made, as to measure objects which differ even by the millionth part of 'an'inch —a division so minute as to be perceptible only by touch after it has ceased to be discernible by the eye. : So nice is tho adjustment, that in using it aa inch of steel can be held to be an* inch only so long as the thermometer 1 stands at 62 a 'l the slightest excess of temperature producing an appreciable elongation 1 ; and 1 the standard yard, a square bar of steel/ when placed in the' machine, is so expanded by the slightest touch of the finger as to show an appreciable lengthening und§r the influence of the infinitesimal amount of tieaithus imparted. ' It might be supposed-that the value of measures so minute must be'but attract" and I visionary, and that it could be only in the larger quantities that their use might be available: ' In practice,, however,- the importance of aiming at such ' accuracy ,has been visibly demonstrated. The former habit of being' contented witlvapfftoxiraate measurements engendered a positive Inability jto duly i estimate » superior ■ correctness ; -*and mechanics became accustomed to : 16ok- on^fconsiderable variations* incize, often i productive of serious mischief; as not only veniaT^but eVen as a result of necessity, j But like the SyßaWfe/' whose sleep, was disturbed by the inequality of hit effuch, occasioned by a .ruffled rose-leaf, '"Mr 1 Wliitworflx was impatient- of every infinitesimal inexactitude : and has accustomed the men in his^ employment to work to" thei2O,OOOtb part of an'inca} till measures so diminutivo have become as familiar as those Of larger dimensions. In tße 'most l'celebrated workshops hi England, '.thirty' 'y*ears ; Wo, mechanics- were chary of criticfeing^worfc' winch was " ouV by the 32ndpart of an inch; wfiereas in his works an error of ♦'division" is^at- f (mce noticed and .corrected," a .division 1 bein#the 10,00Qth.partofani*ch. • The iriflueice oP&ese improvements in mechanical meads' has 'imported a distinctive character of accui&fey to the iriScbiaery of the United Kingdom," whiefi pi fees it in advance of all otberi countries; "andtd tnfetfothnie has more signally contributed than tne ; stetfßai3 guages, graduated to*; fixed scale- as v constant measures of size, for -which practical engineer! are indebted to tlie studious labors 1 of Mr Whitworth —" The Story of the Guns." ' ■• ' *>~> Schubert; the renownecT composer, died' in Vienna on 19th. November, 1828, And his "property, which' conßMed of wearing apparel Jind notes, was valued at 63fi. The J expenses f&fbfo funeral, which were defrayed by hiS refytivejrand fiiendu, were'&t 85fl. 'Ther'sutn'of ITMOfrfaa. now been subscribed Qiere'Uy this admirers of Schubert's compositions, and the, money will be employed jn the construction of a monnnielt to Swafe? 00 * 1 ' ft^W ?** §? ***!*% TO#**