Wise and Otherwise.

Opunake Times, Volume LVV, Issue 3675, 30 October 1923, Page 3

Wise and Otherwise.

"Maud tells everything she knous." ' ' "Yep, but it wouldn't be so bad if she. would stop there. •' "How did it feel to drop four miles and a half in a parachute ? " "Madam, If you must know' " replied the bored aviator, "I had a sinking feeling. " Married An J Single. '} Pop (to his bright infant ) : "What's wrong ? " Son (twelve years old ): "I had a terrible scene with your wife. " Why The Rumpus ? From the amount of fuss made oyer the word "obey" in the marriage ceremony, one might be mistakenly led to suppose that it meant someibing. ', The Reformer. .. "How many times do I have to tell you, bobby, that one must keep his eyes closed during prayer ? " "Yes, mamma, how do ya know I'don't ? " ■. A Tale Of Two Typists. "How do you like your new chief, Molly 1 % ..,.''No£*& bid, only he's bigoted. " me in, bigoted ? " seems to tmolc =tibat words can only be spile his way."*' "mi . \ 3/he Dean was exceedingly angry. .■•" So /ou_confess that tbiis unfortunate joung man was carried to the .pond and; drenched ? Now, what part drcf yotE take>in "this di;gracefuKaffafr-? " "The right leg, sir, " answered «, the sophomore meekly. The Proper Word, * "James, have you whispered today without my permission ?" " •'Only wunst. " "Letoy, should James have said wunst ? " • N jo, ' he should hate said ' ■ tv-'i' i. ■' ■ ' » V ,7 , Cautious Man. V' you art Q 4 years old I " she . , exclaimed. 'Ho a' woudsrful I You ,V look so well. How have you man* £ aged to do it ? *■ \ "My method is very simple. I ; V never let any of my friends know

•5* "when lam not feeling well ; consequently, I've never had to take V' any of the things they would have "\ recommended, if they had ktiowed I V.*was ailing. •« . , *•% ....... ■'•■' .+ '■'? . SVTwo insurance salesmen were tjalscussing the policies of their res--I*|>ective companies. The first salessaid : company makes a practice '''i>sf quick delivery to the beneficiary "I&doii the death of the party insured. ' : only last week a man died 4jtind within twenty-four hours after ' JsSy death we handed his .wife a ■l.iirai.eque for £5,000. " § ir-* Why, that's nothing, ";rep"lied,the "you see that tweke story '?fsuftdirigoyer there ? Well, our ' ijfljps are on the fourth floor, and one of our policy-holders mm&(f:ib& roof, and we handed him a as he went by the window. '■ j|;;Good Service. Dixie restuarnt until via the 'Mraifit he reached the trenches. •^; : j Nobody was lying around dying, as he had expected bis mecurial spirits arose at , "•&tic6." "'"■' -jr* "Hi, there, you old Germans, sen, JJOA yo' °l e projectors and high explosions, we jes, eats them things, " he shouted. lH? Almost.instantly a stray shell exploded and George was Knocked fiat. .jCamrades rushed 10 his aid. He giy fot a "moment unconscious, then lofting his' eyes he whispered, "Say, bo, dese Germans sho gives service. " 'J The president of the Woman's Advancement Society was. agitated. So was the secretary. "Mrs" Nim- •' fclestung, who was to deliver the at to-day's meeting cannot ;*i?e presVrt, " said the former. ■I «'WUy not ? " ' «f Her husband has been seriously 'ill three or four days. •But a woman of her strength of iprincipe won't neglect her work in '•the great causa to attend to the paltry needs of an individual— and a 'ma'e individual at that ? " •'',. "Cerfainiy k not,but he writes her ;\.s-)eeches. : ' u \\ \