RUN OVER BY A TRAIN.

Oxford Observer, Volume 1, Issue XI, 26 October 1889, Page 6

RUN OVER BY A TRAIN.

[By Viator.]

His garments were disordered, his face was distorted with agony, his step was faltering, as he entered the diningroom of the hotel, and the words "I've been run over by a train," were jerked out amid grievous groans, as of one suffering the extremity of bodily pain. He was a commercial, as indeed were many of his acquaintances, already seated ruund the dinii.g-table. " Eun over by a train ! " exclaimed everyone m a breath. " Yes, as true as I'm here. Oh ! oh ! Can't some of you fellows help mo off with my coat?" At these words every knife and fork, which had been previously busily plied, dropped, and half a dozen at least jumped up to assist him. " Easy ! easy ! " he exclaimed, as they appeared too rough m their attentions. " Let Jones do it ; he has a touch like a woman. Heavens ! what would my poor mother think if she saw me now ? Here Jones, give me a hand ; these fellows have fists like sledgehammers." Jones had not been among the volunteers, but he now arose and went to Smith's assistance. "But tell us how it happened, Smith, old man ? " said someone standing near. "Why — Oh not so hard, Jones, be easy for Goodness' sake — you see, I was walking from that infernal little township of , what do you call it ; I forget the name of the nearest railway station. Hang the hat aud coat up, Jones, there's a good fellow, and get my brush and looking-glass out of xaj bag, there. I know you fellows won't mind me brushing my hair here ; I can't walk upstairs, and bending to get the things out would be torture. Oh dear ! oh dear!" Jones gladly did what was required for the injured man. The others impatiently urged him to go on with the recital of his accident. " But Smith," said one, " where are you hurt ? I presume you were only knocked away by the cowcatcher ? " "Nothing of the sort; run over by the whole tram ; take my oath to that. My goodness, it was a time ! " " Yes," said a little mild whiteheaded man, " I've heard that m cases of deadly peril like that the acts of a man's whole life come round m review before him." " That's all rot ; nothing of the sort ; Oh dear ! oh dear ! My only thought was as the brutal engine came crashing on, ' what if this makes me late for dinner ? ' When your conscience is clear a most trumpery thing generally occupies yoar mind at such awful, moments. Oh ! oh ! And mine is, you know." " But how did you escape being cut lo pieces ?" queried Jones, " You had the presence of mind to fall between the railsi, I suppose." " No, I wasn't such a fool as that ; if you must know I was lying under the bridge smoking m the shade at the critical moment when the tram passed over me. Thank you fellows awfully for waiting 101 me and helping me so kindly. Now we'll all begin dinner sociably, and there will be enough of that excellent roast lamb for me. I wasn't going to let you fellows gobble it all up, as you would have if I'd let you get on with your dinner. Jones, when they kick you out of your present billet I'll take you as valet, old man ; you don't shape badly at all.'' Knives and forks were now resumed, but not until Smith had been consigned to worse torture than being run over by a train. Poor Jones, a man with an excellent opinion of himself, which had beon increased by the fact that he had just been promoted to Junior Partner m the firm for which he had been travelling, a man wno deeply resented any liberties taken with himself, fumed and fretted the whole evening. He never spoke to Smith again : "To think," he exclaimed to me, "that I should have

condescended to act the lackey to that d- d fellow — to be bossed about by him just because I thought he was hurt." The others gave him no peace, but chaffed him unmercifully. They had been "had " also, but they forgot that, by taking care Jones didn't forget his share.. "Got the new billet yet, Jones ? " "Is Smith a good boss ? " were a sample of the queries he had to put up with. This he did with a very bad grace. One young gentleman went so far as to observe, with «a patronising air and a gentle manipulation between his fingers of the seedy-look-ing coat Jones happened, for a wonder, to be wearing, as he generally dressed well, " Ah, now, I remember when Smith bought that coat ; -I should have thought he would have given it away long ago ; d d shame to wait till it got so seedy." The younger thought it best to leave after this remark.