SAM WELLEE ON CHESS.

Ohinemuri Gazette, Volume VII, Issue 274, 19 September 1896, Page 6

SAM WELLEE ON CHESS.

(With sincere apologies to the shade of Charles Dickens.) "Sammy," said Mr Weller, " rot's chess?" ;.■':,.,..

"Veil," ejaculated Sam, "the innicence o' youth a-buddod on to a bald 'ed is a beautiful an' a touchin' sight."

" Don't be rude,. Sammy, my boy. Vot I want to know is, vot's chess ?" " ' I'm a comin' to it,' as the hungry fox said yen it catched sight o' the lame duck. Chess, my rewered relic, is one o' them things you fights mortal shy on if you-vallies peace o J mind and such like 'ousehold comforts. It's a game vot you plays on a board vith Kings an' Queens an' Prawns an things. Some big. swells can play it vith a 'ankerchief a-tied over their eyes."

" Do you take me for a Juggins, Sammy ?." said Mr Weller, in a hurt kind of tone; 'ow could they see to play with a 'ankercher over their eyes ?" "I'm not a-gammonin' of you," replied Sam, "they plays it. from mem'ry."

'• Veil, veil, vot you say may be true," said Mr Weller, evidently. only half convinced, and consequently disposed to be captious. " But after all, Sammy, isn't it a-flyin' in the face o' Providence, this 'ankercher. work ? Vot's the use of 'aving eyes if they're to be a-bandaged up ? It ain't Christian, Sammy, my boy, .it ain't Christian." .

''That's as it may bo," said Sam oracularly. " The fact is, they does it to make the game poplar. They thinks'the end justifies the means,' as the small boy said yen he wos adiggin' into the jam pot vith th» shoe horn."

" Still, Sammy, it's a kind of astandin' on their 'eds yen they'd be heaps more comfortabler oil their feet. Vudn't the game be just as poplar if thoy played it with their eyes open, and the tackle a-frontin'" of 'em?"

" I don't know," said Sam: " You see, this blindfold bisness is out o' the common and you goes to look at it same as performin' fleas or any other instructin' an' improving sight. Yen you get's there, a very haffable party with a bald 'ed, vot they calls the Seccert'ry, sidles up an' asks you if you vud'nt like to jine the club, an' ses he thinks your cd's somethink like Morphy's, with a touch o' Blackburn about the whiskers, vich he says was two great players, an' he wheedles an' fusses—

"Ah," interuppted Mr Weller with a sigh, " that's 'ow the widders comes over us, Sammy." "Speak for yourself," replied Sam, drily, '' don't go for to 'sociate me vith 'em.

"Don't boast, Sammy, my boy, don't boast. You never know Vot's afore you,' as the fallin' star said yen it landed in the mortar pit.".

"It seems to me," said Sani, florae^what impatiently, "that,we're fcorfc 'o gettin' no forrarder,' as the hen said ren she Vos a-sittin on: the pot egg. Now, vot is it you're a-drivih* at about this'ere chess ?"

"I wos a-wondrini' Sammy, vether it wos a gam^vere a man like me vud be at 'ome at. Vot do you say, aammy,;myboy?" ,

" You might 'ay a shot'at it," said Sam; "There's all sorts of players, an' you'd'ay to play amazin' bad to be worse than some of W. ,

« Veil," said Mr Weller in a tone ofjrelief, "'that's a troublesome subjec' disposed, on,' as- the cannibal king said yen he'd a-eaten of his mother-in-law. But I hope you're right concernin'the widders' Sammy.?!' Don't laugh, my boy, don't laugh. -You may know a main lot about chess, Sammy. I gives into you there. But yen Lik conies to widdere, Sammy," and aVthis point thero was a ring of pathos in Mr Wellor's voice, " yen it comes to" widders, .'Sammy, you've a lot to learn, my boy, a lot to learn. /_ -id here, apparently ovorcome by his feelings, Mr Weller snbsided into contemplative silence.—British Chess-. Magazine.