PASSING NOTES

Otago Daily Times, Issue 25660, 7 October 1944, Page 3

PASSING NOTES

The cost of living is high in Sydney, but it looks as if the cost of loving may soon rise beyond even the pay of an American soldier. For by recent regulations the soldier has been ordered not to walk in the street with his arm round a girl, not to hold a girl's hand in the street, not to carry a girl’s handbag, not to stand in shop doorways or sit on the grass in parks. This by no means exhausts the list of prohibitions. If the curious reader counts up the complete list he will find that in all there are ten prohibitions just as for many centuries we have had Ten Commandments. In fact, Kipling’s famous statement that “ there aren’t no Ten Commandments east of Suez” will need revision for the American soldier. Probably it will prove as hard to enforce the new commandments as the old. For in every army there are always some “ bush lawyers" who will assist the offender to find ways ,of evading the regulations. For example, if a soldier must not walk in the street with his arm round a girl, may he plead that they were not walking but standing still or sitting in a tram or bus? If he may not hold a girl’s hand, can he be punished if the girl is the offender and holds his hand in spite of his violent protests? If they walk arm in arm but without holding hands is that permissible? If he cannot sit on the grass in the park at night does this rule apply* even if no damsel is within sight? If it happens that he is overcome by excessive hospitality may he not lie on the grass to sleep it oil’

So far it* is not clear whether these army regulations are designed to protect the soldier from the female species which has been classed as more deadly than the male, or vice versa. There are other prohibitions which we need not follow in detail. One rule that seems hard prescribes that the soldier may not demand dishes in a restaurant if these dishes are not also available to civilians. Does this mean that if the waiter serves fried sausages or pigs’ trotters to a soldier he must delay his meal till the waiter certifies that there are enough fried sausages or pigs’ trotters available to supply all civilian guests in the restaurant? Finally, the soldier is not to be conspicuous when carrying liquor in the street. Does this mean that the liquor must not be conspicuous if carried externally or that the soldier must not be conspicuous if carrying the liquor internally? From all this, the readel will begin to see why we said that the cost of loving must go up if the soldier can be fined or have his paybook debited for breaches of these regulations. He may well demand that some of the senators in Washington should be sternly disciplined rather than the soldier on active service. E’or a cablegram this week informs us that the lady reporters in that capital are incensed at the conduct of senators, and have drawn up a black list of congressmen whose behaviour is unseemly. One lady reporter complained that she had received “ an embarrassing senatorial pinch." Surely what is sauce for the soldier should be sauce for the senators. ,

It is well known that the French people have a fine sense of irony, and this is exemplified once more in a recent story from France. A young man, weary, depressed, and disheartened, decided to put an end to his existence. He found difficulty in carrying out this project because his religious convictions prevented him from committing suicide. He had, therefore, to discover some other method of ending his life quickly. Coming upon two German soldiers, he cried out, “Death to the Nazis! Death to Hitler! ” To his astonishment, the Germans merely replied, “Yes! Yes! Out with them!" Then he saw two German officers, and hopefully hurled out the words, “Death to Hitler! Death to the Nazis! Dsath to Goebbels.” “Down with them,” came the answer. Thoroughly exasperated, the persistent fellow entered the office of the commandant and shouted, “ Death to Hitler and the Nazis. Death to Hitler, Goering, Goebbels, and the whole lot!” His hopes were raised when the officials surrounded him and hemmed him in. But, alas! one of them merely whispered, “ Hush! Hush! Not so loud. The militia are close by."

This story is probably an echo of the idea so skilfully used many years ago by Anatole France in a short and simple tale filled with bitter irony. It relates the misfortunes of a decent old street hawker called Crainquebille who has stopped his barrow of vegetables in front of a shop. He is waiting for payment for some leeks he has sold when a policeman orders him to move on. Finally, the policeman arrests him, alleging that he has used an insulting expression often used by poor people, to vent their dislike of the police. Although several witnesses swear that Crainquebille used no such expression, the magistrate fines and imprisons him on the ground that police evidence must always be accepted in the interests of good government. When the poor hawker comes out of gaol he finds himself ruined, and soon faces starvation. He can think of no way out but to get back to prison. In his despair, he approaches a policeman and shouts out the offensive expression which he had previously been unjustly accused of using. But' to his dismay the policeman merely leans stoically against a lamp post and ignores the insult. So the poor hawker finds that his last resort fails him, and he is the victim of one of life’s little ironies. A variation of the same idea occurs in O. Henry’s short story “The Cop arrd the Anthem," wherein a deadbeat called Soapy Sam decides to seek winter quarters in gaol. He tries many plans such as breaking a 'jeweller’s window and awaiting arrest. But the constable disbelieves him, and prefers to chase a man who is running to catch a car. He steals an umbrella, but the alleged owner, having himself stolen the umbrella, believes it belongs to Sam and refuses to prosecute. Finally, Sam despairs of being arrested, and lingers outside a church listening to the music. He resolves to reform and find honest work, being filled with remorse and repentance. At that point he is arrested for loitering and gets three months in gaol!

The housewives of New Zealand must have laughed heartily if they listened to the Prime Minister, Mr Fraser, talking about the carpets in his new suite of offices containing forty rooms. He pleaded that he had not been extravagant, as his carpets were “ plain and simple and had no ornamentation.” But some of his experts should have warned him that' it is exactly the plain and simple carpets that are most expensive; usually the more they are ornamented the less they cost. But a still greater puzzle is presented when we ask why he needs a suite costing £42,000. Here his argument is that he must have reasonable accommodation .for a staff which, he tells us, has recently grown from 28 to 75. No doubt if the staff is necessary the offices may be necessary. But what astonishes the public is that he should need such an army of clerks. If the reader is curious enough to look up the requirements of any preceding Prime Minister he will be astounded to find that they were content with two or three secretaries and perhaps four or five typists. In fact, it is on record that Mr Massey once declared: “Give me half-a-dozen secretaries and I could run the Government of this country by myself.” No doubt this was somewhat boastful and by no means flattering to the work of his colleagues. But probably he meant that the personal staff of the Prime Minister is concerned only with arranging and reporting deputations, typing personal correspondence, and transmitting departmental problems to the experts in various departments for advice or action. What then does Mr Fraser’s vast army do? Despatches from Moscow and other capitals may be a new feature, but could not keep busy more than two or three men. Are the rest engaged on party propaganda? Surely Parliament should call for a schedule of their duties. Mr Fraser blandly answers all criticism by saying: “My nationality is a guarantee of economy.” But this vague excuse might equally justify a staff of 200 and a suite costing £IOO,OOO.