THE COMMON ROUND

Otago Daily Times, Issue 23224, 23 June 1937, Page 2

THE COMMON ROUND

By Wayfarer

Gratifying news from the Eternal City: The Times Rome correspondent says that soldiers using bad language will be punished b;- fines or even arrest, according to orders issued by General Pariani, Under-secretary of War, who is determined to stamp out the habit of swearing among the troops. Chaplains are commanded to leach conscripts not to fall into the habit of swearing. General Pariani describes swearing as a Communistic custom and a sign of lack of self-discipline.

It seems a drastic order to try and enforce upon soldiery, but no doubt the gallant general has his reasons. There seems to have been a somewhat striking lack of self-discipline among the Italian divisions at Brihuega, which were the routees in the most complete rout of the Spanish fighting. But we would suspect that the swearing on that occasion -was done, not by the soldiers, but their high command.

Of course, it is not the first time that the propensity of mankind to ally stern duty with strong language has been noted. The penultimate Commander-in-chief of the United States Navy took occasion to deplore the use of profanity in the Service, with what results we have not been informed, and no doubt the only reasons that the First Lord of the Admiralty has not been impelled to adopt a similar navy limitation are: (1) That he does not go to sea; (2) that the British NaVy is traditionally the Silent Service.

In the British Army, we fear, things might be found to be different. Way back in the seventeenth century Shakespeare, who no doubt met a Tommy or two in the bar parlour of the Mermaid, drew the Soldier: Full of strange oaths and bearded like the pard— , Jealous In honour, sudden and quick in quarrel; And if he went on, somewhat contradictorily, to suggest that such bearded blasphemers are in search of reputation, presumably: (1) In that day swearing did not give a man a bad reputation; or (2) soldiers did not care what sort of a reputation they had, so long as it was one.

It is quite some time later that we find the picturesque old custom still surviving in the army. No less a person than the Duke of Cambridge, a full field marshal and the son of King George 111 to boot, himself was constrained to condemn the practice among the troops, declaring with memorable and impressive dignity that it was "a damned ungentlemanly habit."

So we come, by the progressive degrees of enlightenment, to blank history of the sort which (on the say-so of Mr Philip Guedalla) Virgil indicated as " Belloc, horrida Belloc.'" It confirms the impression that wars are not won by deeds alone. To this writer we are indebted for that memorable description, in the manner of the day, of an engagement in the Peninsula War: . . . Let us follow the second column on its secret mission through

the night, lit by torches and cheered on by the huzzas of a thousand English throats. " the s," cried Cocker in a voice hoarse with patriotism; at that moment a red-hot shot hurtled over the plain and, ricochetling treacherously from the frozen river, dashed the heroic leader to the ground. Captain Boffskin, of the Buffs, leapt up with the dry coughing howl of the British infantryman. " them," he roared, " them to n —," and for the last 50 yards

it was neck and neck. This helped quite a lot, but there persisted a section of the military which failed to obtain full relief in expressing themselves in lineal excisions.

Even in the last war it is understood, when the organisation of society (and of soldiery) had reached a stage never dreamt of by our ruder reformers (and military technicians), there was more than a touch of asperity in the adjectives used by the infantry to describe (1) the war; (2) the enemy; (3) the brass hats; (4) the sergeant; (5) the food; (6) the state of things in general' (7) the condition of things in particular. In fact, our information is that there were more things the troops swore at than swore off (that last distinction being reserved almost exclusively for plum and apple jam.)

And in post-war days there have been instances. It is a curious commentary upon the widespread nature of the habit that even so eminently respectable a British institution as Punch has been forced to take cognisance of it when dealing with army matters. It's very nicely done, of course, in a way that could offend nobody but a person with a vivid imagination, or possibly a typesetter, thus: Choleric colonel (retired): But confound it, man, how in h can I be expected to provide a joke for your blasted paper unless I can say what I blank well feel, dam' your blasted impertinence? Or sometimes with if anything a greater subtlety and propriety:

Major Winterbotham (ex-Indian

Army): !!!!???xxx***—!!!—()()***??!! The advantage of the method is that it is beyond condemnation, because nobody can honestly say that the major is using bad language—they can only guess

Unfortunately it is difficult to swear in this sinless fashion when, instead of being a retired Indian Army officer named Bluebottle who has been stymied at the seventeenth by a meek-looking curate with pince-nez balanced on the tip of it (i.e., the nez), you happen to be a respectable father of a family in Mornington who has undertaken to hang a picture and has hit the hammer's head on the thumb-nail, instead of the nail on the head. Even in one's thoughts at that moment, with one's children clustered wide-eyed-and-mouthed about one's feet, the expletive: " !!!??""xx!? " is unsatisfactory. And one can only realise to the full the inadequate nature of symbols when one opens the mouth and bellows: " Exclamation point exclamation point, exclamation point, query, query, asterisk, asterisk, asterisk, ex. ex. exclamation point, query."

We have an idea that this important disciplinary move in Italy should be celebrated in verse, as another of the Duce's commendable moves for improving warfare, so we shall try:

When you losa da lighi And runna away And can thinka of nothing to say Don't forgnt who you am. Lctta out a loud: "DasliT

When da general he come With da face lika monk, A.nd he say that you lacka da spunk. Just look at him well And shout: "Viva Italia!" And if, in disgrace, You are shulta away. To digga da swampa all day, If you find da work muddy. Say: "This Is perfectly beastly!" This is not. we confess, in our best style, but we seem to find the idiosyncrasies of soldier slang but poorly served, on this occasion, by our favourite rhyming dictionary.

Latest despatches record the complaint of the new masters in Abyssinia that the height is so trying for the heart that few Europeans can stand it. It looks as if the Italians must have got a bit above themselves in their African conquest

Mr Bernard Shaw declares that he realises he has never grown-up. For a youngster, however, he seems to talk quite well.