THE COMMON ROUND

Otago Daily Times, Issue 22353, 29 August 1934, Page 2

THE COMMON ROUND

By Waveaulr. A correspondent discovers himself in distress: — Dear “ Wayfarer,”—Your limerick concerning the young man of Salisbury! —it leaves me dazed and dopey. I had no difficulty with the _ girl who Wouldn’t boz. The abbreviation lor “ounce” is in my vocabulary, but people who get all ov’fer Imlisbury-soalis-bury do not number themselve s among "my acquaintances. And the Concise Oxford Dictionary has most miserably failed me. Will you, in the interests of pity, sanity, and clarity, explain please?—“l am, etc., Frantic. We have decided to accede to this petulant request. The ecclesiastical name for Salisbury is to be found in the Concise Oxford—Sarum. A common alternative for Hampshire is Hauls. Now, allowing for a shortening of (he “a” in Sarum, all should be simple:— There was a young fellow of Salisbury (Sarum) Whoso planners were hallsbury-scallsbury (harum-scarum) He once walked through Hampshire (Hants) Without any pampshlre (aether garments) Refusing point-blank to walisbury (don same). If all is now' crystal clear, may ve be permitted to confuse the issue with a little precipitate of our own? Perpend: A handsome young soldier named Kuthven, Had a pony that could not be druthven; AV.hen on guard at Buckingham Palace, He could with lucklnghara rala.ee kit, whenever an order was guthven. This ditty, we fear,’ has become curiouser and curiouser as we proceeded. It is not, therefore, proposed to render it into English now or on demand. Even a columnist has,, his reticences..

the).'; curiosities, which the Governor-General inspected during his visit last week to Knox College were white rpice in a glass case, students in and pigs in a pen hastily and furtively erected beneath the master’s Window.’ ’ Apropos these sundry revelations, , a correspondent, observes : Dear "Wayfarer,”—Being a gloomy old Scotsman myself I failed to see the humour of the Knox College students' > pig .; joke. 1 1 can see a good deal of v humour, though, in the way the Govr y prnor-General turued lhe tables on the •. students by reminding., them that their : pati*bij saint, John Knox, had no sense of humour. 1 -have known for a long ■. time , now that pigs can be educated, '‘ but it is news to me to discover that ■ learned pigs are a product of, Knox College.' Is that the joke?—l am, etc., ; ‘v ' > ■ ■ .•An Old Bore. ’ P.S.: This is. not the first time in ,• the. history of New Zealand when the Governor has been invited to inspect our pigs. ' It is a matter of history how Captain Jackson Barry, when . Mayor of CvomWell, : in classical language invited Governor Grey to come and see his beautiful pigs. Can you imagine the Mayor of Dunedin in equally picturesque terms inviting Lord v'Bledisloe to come and see bis? Yet as a patriotic citizen of the “ Pig Island” be should be able to improve on Captain Jackson Barry. This communication leaves one doubt in our mind. Should not our contributor's pseudonym be ‘‘An Old'Boar”?

But the real question is. when, how, and to what extent a pig is funny. The Three Little Pigs, as stylised by Walter Disney, Esq., are both elevating and amusing; the Gadarene swine suggest to us only blind tragedy and futility; the Roman philosopher gave a certain sloth* ful majesty to the porcine population when he ruminated before the sty (we quote from memory) s—.

Ah, that I were a' -bogf - ■' That I might oat, and sleep, And wake to cat again! < Perhaps some inner, nnformulated desire for similar felicity, born in the minds of students as they consume the midnight oil, found expression' in that d<v fnbttStchtiohrOtt; ther lawns of Knox Cob '- ( pr remembering the theological : odbur of that tree-girt pile, we should translate their gesture into one, : 6f • affinity with- the unstudious inmates of that intrusive peu :~r. .['•

■■" Beside, 'tis known they could speak ’ , ...... ■ < ’A*; naturally aspiga squeak. ~., question remains' 'unanswered. Is; the 1 , pig, even quadrupled for the edificatitiii .of gubernatorial: eyes, In itself a,‘joke? With-our contributor we arq inclined to doubt it, but let ,us credit the Khox prahkers with the 1 same good intentions as • the musicians in the western saloon bar. Doubtless they were doing. their best. It • would ill become ourself, who must strive equally to entertain, to reproach them.

' Our hoary-beaded"contributor hack on the selection ■ introduces a controversial tdpic' with 'a reference to the community di,jttyWhan Irish Eyes are Smiling.” Quotha:—

'Dear “Wayfarer,”—The attached ballad wag sung at one of the community ''sings” recently. . . ~ Pos; sibly it is by Thomas Moore. It shows the spirit of a bygone age when ■men almost worshipped woman. Now,' alas! what a sorrowful change. Woman hi noW criticised everywhere. _ The Vatican, the Platform, the Pulpit and the Press are outspoken in drawing people’s attention to her many shortcomings. For the illustrated comic papers, woman seems to be a never ending theme to hang little jokes upon. And in recent months .the Daily Times published an article written by an eminent Englishman stating that it was quite a common thing for single couples to spend week-ends at watering places as if married. We hear of something similar in this country sometimes. Than we are told that you never know what a woman will do next, and you do not know why she does it, and she does not know herself. . . —I am, etc.. Old Pioneer. It is certainly a confusing subject of debate. But we have yet to learn of that ago when men with unreserved piety knelt at the shrine of womanhood. We doubt Moore’s authorship of “Irish Eyes,” but cannot doubt his authoritative pronouncement on his education, as it comes to us from a book of quotations;— My only books Were woman’s looks. And lolly's all they’ve taught me. This is hardly the perfect sentiment to indicate an ago of woman worship, and if Moore discovered the light that lies in women's eyes, we know the toastmaster's postscript to that one, too. Indeed, a hasty glance through a famous compendium of quotations go in far to assure us that before and after John Knox sounded his chilly “ First Blast of the Trumpet against the Monstrous Regiment of Women.” popular poetical opinion is with the misanthropic trumpeters. Prom Byron, who is sometimes cited as an authority;— Believe a woman or an epitaph Or any other thing that’s false. Tolstoy, we discover, morosely concurs: — Regard the society of women as , a necessary unpleasantness of social life, and avoid it as far as possible. Otway's immemorial dictum, with its resounding conclusion, “ Destructive, damnable, deceitful woman.” could scarcely be read as a; counter-blast. And forsaking the formal reference works for our own collection of scraps and. shavings,, what-do we find? Butler in his recently published note books: — Women arc more exacting than brigands (?) I heard a man say that brigands demand your money or your life, whereas women require both. Excerpt from a George Eliot opus:—Don’t tell me about God's having made sucli creatures to bo companions for men! I don't say but what He might have made Eve to be a com-

panion for Adam in Paradise—there was no cooking to be spoilt there, and no other woman to cackle with and make mischief; though you see what mischief she did as soon as she had an opportunity. _ But it’» an impious, unscriptural opinion to say a woman is a blessing to man. And talking of Paradise and companionate week-ends, here is a reflection that may stay those who deplore these “ modern ” habits: — We will never get over that scandal in the Garden —they were never really married, you know. , In fact, while we would not claim that we have, with.,.the assistance of “ Old Pioneer," said ell there is, to be said on the subjects he raises, we seem to have reached the bottom of the column without unduly flattering feminine susceptibilities. From an advertisement: “ Attractive Gladiolus Blubs.” More trouble in the nursery.