THE COMMON ROUND

Otago Daily Times, Issue 22293, 20 June 1934, Page 2

THE COMMON ROUND

By Wax fa her,

When one wants to eat, one goes to a restaurant; to bathe, one seeks out a bath tub; to drink—well, there the choice is wider, because one might only want to drink water, when' the bath tub would suffice; but, with our usual efficiency, requiring to have a word translated, we naturally went to one who speaks the language. The word in question was “ ballyhoo,” the question asked in these columns so long ago as doesn't matter, and the reply, straight from 'the mouth of a New Yorker, follows -

Your definition of ballyhoo is quite correct. Jt seems to have been in use here many years ago, in connection with travelling circuses, which were much in vogue in rural sections before the auto, age—they had horse-drawn wagons, carrying a steam-operated pipe-organ. A calliope is really the proper name of the hideous contraption, and its awful sound was called ballyhoo. This era passed away, but with the advent of high price film “stars” and their personal appearance at first showings, the word came in use again. That and “ baloney ” were much advertised by Alfred E. Smith. , . . Now at present its use is declining.

Calliope the “ proper ” name for a circus steam organ! Mother of Orpheus, patron of Milton, sweet Kalliope, the beautiful-voiced, how have the Musas fallen!

But our New Yorker has other words for our ear.

Dunedin has been , put on .the map by the Byrd expedition, which sends a daily wireless, and the race run by» Lovelock last year. ... I saw his; wonderful performance here—-remark-i able feat considering that the second man also broke the record. . . .

But hold! The map on which Dunedin proudly discovers herself is in the frigid zone. Proceeds our correspondent:— I suppose winter is approaching Dunedin, next place to the South Pole. Here, while spring by the calendar, it is still cold—has been, on and off, since the New Year. On February tenth it went down to 15 degrees below zero. At Albany, capital of this State, it was 25 below. Since January Ist to May Ist this city has expended some seven millions on snow removal—it is an expensive nuisance, and soon becomes a traffic hazard. It’s surely time our enterprising Tourist Department took a hand in this, or a misconception may in time arise. We have become accustomed in Dunedin to being thought of either as Scots or niggers; but must,still combat any suggestion that blubber is our favourite food. What we need in New York is a little publicity advertising. Portrait of a Gymnothingest, say, dressed for dinner (only a black tie affair) and beckoning coyly with a monkey nut. Captions:— LET NOTHING STOP YOU! FROM SIMMERING IN DUNEDIN. Dunedin, rapturous paradise of the frost-bitten and other New Yorkers with cold feet. . . . Exchange the zeroesque zephyrs of Manhattan for the tropicality of nights in near-Antarctica. . . . Dunedin-by-tbe-Pole invites you to join in its happy, hoary revelries! Or something appealing" In the way of a blue-nosed blonde with ear-muffs might make the subject of an enticing hoarding. Captions:— Don’t Freeze In New York! When You Can REFRIGERATE IN DUNEDIN! Our Winters are Guaranteed SnowProof. Charm YoUr Chilblains with, a Spot of Southern Salubrief'y. Have a Winter, with People who ; re Accustomed to Them. \A Chilly Reception to All. Even the Byrds are Flying South. Dunedin, Antarctica, for a Really Ice Holiday! Something on these lines, surely, would; appeal more to the snow-bound fastnesses of New York than an invitation to swelter unaccustomedly in the “ Wintcrless North.” From another contributor, a few words which almost convince us that farmers are human beings. Perpend:— Dear “ Wayfarer.”—Your story of the professor who had one hole made in the door for his cat and a smaller one for the kitten which was its companion is, I think, capped a tale which has its source in that stronghold of Irish-

men—Central Otago. It- concerns a farmer who owned a cat of which he was very fond, though it preferred the woolshed to his hearth. The woolshed, apparently, was of rather better construction than most of those which are

scattered about Central Otago, for the cat had some difficulty in gaining entrance. The farmer, therefore, employed a carpenter to cut a hole in the sliding door. He was absent when the job was done, and on his return the door had been pushed,back, so that the gap which had been cut was against the wall. “ Now, how the divil.” exclaimed the farmer, “ is the cat to get in and out at all when the door is

open! ” Elementary, my dear Watson 1 It must climb on the roof and risk a jump through the skylight. A dangerous business, but any violinist will tell you that a eat has guts.

The psychiatrist throws a little light upon one of the great- problems confronting the age:—

A state of mind which he described ns a “ mother-in-law complex ” was referred to during the course of bis evidence.. ..by a medical witness. When asked for an explanation of the term by the magistrate (Mr H. W. Bundle, S.M.) be stated that it was a case of a man conceiving an extraordinary hatred for his mother-in-law for no real reason. He had met it on previous occasioi s but had found that in some cases it eventually disappeared. In other cases, we understand, it was the son-in-law who disappeared, taking his complex along with him to doubt, lint not his mother-in-law. So far. there is no recorded instance of the mother-in-law disappearing; not, at any rate, of her own free will—and that is a commodity of which, we are informed, she Las plenty.

Richard Frauds Burton, whose knowledge of womankind was somewhat extensive, seemed to share this strange prejudice. Qnotha: — Fast by the side of Thing Divine,” By spirit-parson _ fresh - made mine, hi apparition grim—l saw The middle-aged British mother-in-law! Indeed, the consensus of opinion seems to bo that she is one of the. things concerning whom every young man ought to know. But don't think we’re going to be the one to tell him. That can be left to the funny papers and his wife, when he gets ono.

Item: “ Paying higher than standard rates to the corporation employees is said to have cost the Port Chalmers Council about £IOOO extra in wages iu about as many years.” We are eagerly awaiting our invitation to the millenarv celebrations.

From a newspaper editorial: “ Codlin is the electors’ friend, not Short.” But when the codlin gets into the Treasury somebody’s got to go short.

Item: “A memorial to Anna Pavlova, the famous Russian dancer . . . will take the form of a mountain designed by Carl Milles.” Rather an overwhelming tribute, one would think.

When a patient disappeared from a Napier hospital two doctors assisted in a search for him in the nearby cemetery. Well, they know their own business best.