THE COMMON ROUND

Otago Daily Times, Issue 21357, 10 June 1931, Page 2

THE COMMON ROUND

By Wayfabeb.

What with the enow fall, the wages cut, the favourite winning the Derby, “ Jock ” Garden being chased by Communists, and the House preparing to hold another session, things are pretty much anyhow in the world just now. But we must return to our lesson of a week ago and repeat that they might be a great deal worse. For instance, Signor Mussolini might have been born in Australia and voyaged to New Zealand to write poetry and become leader of the New Zealand Labour Party; and “Big Bill” Thompson might have been Mayor of Dunedin; and “ Scarface A 1 ” Capone have taken charge of the local brewing establishments; and Blunt gone out for a duck in the first innings; and the Arbitration Court have decided that the state of the country did not justify any order reducing wages; or even have increased them by 10 per cent.; and Dr Herrington might have decided that kinema films are becoming more bawdy instead of less so; or the Dairy Association got the sulks and refused to talk about cheese. Yes, when one contrasts the things that do happen with the things that might have happened, there is still plenty to be thankful for.

Even, perhaps, wage reductions; At any rate, it is pleasant to think 'so. The trouble is that people seem to have so many things to do with their wages nowadays that they’re all spent before they have even been earned. There is the radio, for example. No house could possibly be complete without a radio, what with international talks, market reports and the results of the races in Patea or Waipukurau to be ascertained. Consequently a pound out of the weekly budget goes to the radio dealer; not to forget the thirty bob a week that has to be paid on the used car that used itself all up last summer and left only a tin of oil and a garage account to mourn it; or the weekly visit to the movies, which does enable one to see a bit of life. And then there are the lodge subscriptions, the bowling club dues, the unemployment tax, the wireless license, and the instalments on the electric sewing machine, the vacuum cleaner, and the new drawing-room furniture. Some 1900 odd years ago there was a fellow who had not such big ideas. Quotha: — Let but my house from sordid pinch be free. Then small or big my bark—all’s one to me. ‘ I may not (winds being fair) spread sail so wide- —

But, In a gale, less danger I abide. They are strange sentiments, but then, as we have already remarked, they were odd years 1900 years or more ago, before the ether had been given a voice or Australia a Socialist Government.

Yes, things might be a great deal worse, as Wolsey doubtless thought when (to quote a schoolboy essayist) he saved his life by dying after he had been condemned to death. They were worse in England, for instance, before the repeal of the Corn Laws, 88 years agone, when a labourer earned 9s a week, with rent free, "a hundred faggots a year and free gleaning,” and flour was four shillings a stone, tea five shillings a pound, sugar sixpence an ounce. Or three years later, when: —

Bread was two shillings a loaf, tea eight shillings, and sugar sevenpence a pound. A side of pork cost fourteen shillings, with another five shillings for salting; and Susan had to feed eight people on less than ten shillings a week.

Miss Kaye-Smith has been looking into things. Better, too, than England in 1807 when, Mr A. F. Fremantle recalls, Whitbread outlined a plan to create a national savings bank to assist the poor, prefacing his proposal by the latest returns, referring to the previous year, when “ out of a civil population in England and Wales of 8,870,000 souls, 1,234,000, or nearly one-seventh, were recipients of poor relief.” Better, also, than in Scotland in 1810, when “ The poor were partly supported by the church collections. When these failed there was begging.” And even, in some ways, better perhaps than in Wellington in Wakefield’s day, with butter 3s Cd a pound, or in Dunedin in ’4B, when The price of labour varies from 2s 8d to 4s per day—mechanics receiving ss. . . . Wood houses are very dear; the most general in use are made of mud, plastered between logs and crosspieces, but the heavy rains sometimes bring them down. Better and worse, worse or better. But it is better to be worse off in Dunedin to-day than to have been better off in Dunedin 80 years ago.

At least they have a fast method of putting punters, the buyers of lottery tickets and such unprcsbyterian souls out of their misery these days: — The result of the Derby was telegraphed by Imperial and. International Communications, Ltd., to the following centres, after the winner had passed the post, in the following times: —Bombay, 2sec; Alexandria, 2see; Capetown, 3sec; Hongkong, 3sec; Adelaide, 4sec; South

America, ssec. \ If the communications company had been ten seconds quicker, South America might have been able to cable the result of the race to Epsom before it was properly started, and there would have been no need for the winner to pass the post at all. But it will probably come to that shortly, and Dr Einstein will be hunting around for a new dimension to take the place of the space timo dimension that has been lost, or whatever. In the meantime most of us will be content to find where Waving Corn has run when the numbers go up or the paper comes out. The elimination oi the time element would contain its disadvantages; indeed—imagine coming down to breakfast with a visit of crisp bacon and . mellowed eggs before one, to find that one had already breakfasted two hours later-—or going to a football match to learn that it had played itself the night before. Some people have, however, done this sort of thing and survived. Thirty years ago the daughter of the Bishop of Salisbury and the principal of a woman’s college, both perfectly reputable people, were taking a walk in the gardens of Versailles when they realised that a sort of masque was taking place around them, with strangely costumed gardeners courtiers, and others going about the'ir business undisturbed: —

The trees, even, took on another aspect. And there was old-world music —although no orchestra or instrument of any kind was to be found.

One of them, by the way, noticed a young woman sketching, who was Marie Antoinette! It is a tall story, but rather amazingly supported in a book that has just appeared. So perhaps Mr Wells’s time machine may yet conduct us around as Mr* Verne’s Nautilus is now carrying Sir Hubert Wilkins. It certainly makes one think that there was something in what Hamlet said to Horatio.

Apart from the question of serialism, however, the fact that some people in Adelaide would learn the result of the Derby almost before the bookies’ men had tick-tacked it to the outer paddocks at Epsom makes one realise that good nbws travels faster than it did. The servant girl in Punch has reminded us that the | African natives by beating on their turnturns could carry the glad word along pretty promptly, but not as fast as the cable lines. It is only a century and a quarter back that news was history by the time it got anywhere. It took 16 days for the good tidings concerning the Battle of Trafalgar to reach London, and although the Battle of Waterloo was fought within 200 miles of England, Loudon did not hoar of it for three days, and even then the newspapers could relate

nothing concerning it save the sparse despatches received by the War Office. The death of Napoleon occurred on May 5, 1821, and was not made known in England until July 5. Things have certainly speeded up in the past hundred years, when we can learn in the local papers on Monday morning what osmiridium was quoted at in London on Saturday; or, to go a little further, when the listener-in in Dunedin, at Lat. 45.52 S., Long. 170.32 E. is able to hear the King declaring open the Round Table Conference just 11 hours 22 minutes before his Mafesty opened it! But we seem to be getting somewhat Einsteinish again, and had better desist. The advantage is not always on our side, at that. A few -weeks ago Oamaru nfessages described the unfortiuiate airman whose parachute failed to open as “ speeding earthwards at the rate of about 300 miles an hour,” whereas our old friend Galileo, placidly dropping pebbles and lead bricks from Pisa’s famed tower 400 years ago, could have judged more accurately. !

It is impossible to approve the careless manner in which the Prime Minister neglected to have any titles to hand out on his Majesty’s birthday. That decidedly is not the way to get votes, especially when there are so many among us badly, in need of a lever of some sort to raise ourselves clear of the fogs of depression. In a purely non-consultatory capacity “ Wayfarer ” has consented to bestow it few deserved, if honorary, honours, starting, of course, with the modest Forceful Forbes himself. Herewith:— Mr G. W. Forbes, D.H.B. (This is inspired by the old story of the Texas dance hall, with a notice over the musician’s stand, “ Don’t shoot the pianist, he’s Doing, His Best.”) Mr Justice Frazer, D.F. (“What, though the law allows it, Decency Forbids.”) . Mr J. G. Coates, L.M.N. (Being the first three words in Reynatd’s < reflection, “The house is not worth repairing.”) Three Independent M.P.’s, M.I.D. (Recalling the proverb that “ Mettle Is Dangerous in a blind horse.”) The Public, T.T.D. (Relating to another equine proverb that “ One thing Thinketh The Donkey, and another he

that saddles him.”) Mr H. E. Holland. ... But much cudgelling of whatever brain “ Vox ” and other amiable correspondents have left to us fails to sug-. gest a title that would satisfy both Mr Holland and ourself by its justice and aptness, arid we are forced to borrow that of the seven stone King Prajadhipok, of Siam, which is full-sounding and quite appropriate:— , King of the North and of the South, Descendant of Buddha, Supreme Arbiter of the Ebb and Flow of the Tide, Brother of the Moon, Half-brother of the Sun, Possessor of the Four and Twenty Golden Umbrellas. . . . It is not altogether dear what use the Labour leader can make of four and twenty umbrellas, but they might be handy if he persists in refusing to come in out of the wet.

The United States Government has indicted A 1 Capone for the evasion of in-> come taxes and other charges amounting to 182,591 dollars. But only a few months ago they were prosecuting the poor chap because he was without visible means of support, and he had the greatest difficulty in proving that was not a destitute person!

The Ancient Order of Frothblowers is voluntarily winding up. We understand, however, that the noble traditions of the Order are to be perpetuated in Dunedin and elsewhere.

A majority report of the Royal Commission which investigated the “dole” in England recommends drastic reforms, while a minority report disagreed with all the recommendations. Otherwise the reports were unanimous.

The winner of the open golf championship is an American representative who was born in Edinburgh. He learned early in life not to give even a hole away.

There have been wholesale arrests and deportations from Russia as a result of rioting among Communist factions. More dumping!