PASSING NOTES.

Otago Daily Times, Issue 21148, 4 October 1930, Page 6

PASSING NOTES.

Bran If held for no other purpose, the Imperial Conference would serve a useful purpose as a splendid.gesture. It reminds the world of the existence of a gigantic misnomer—of an Empire that is not an Empire, of a Monarchy that is not a Monarchy, and of an elaborate system that nobody ever planned, but which hangs together unbreakably. We retain the old Homan name Empire because we are too lazy to change it, though the thing itself by any other name would smell more sweet. “ Empire ’• reeks of the " terror nominis Romani,” of predatory pro-consuls and dominating armies. Yet give me a substitute, “ The British Commonwealth of Nations ” is expressive, but cumbrous and pretentious. The name Monarchy we have kept' for dear old time’s sake, scorning the new-fangled term Republic, We have reduced King to hereditary President, yet give him. royal homage—and both and people are quite content to have it so. “ The trappings of a monarchy would set up an ordinary republic,” said Dr Johnson, Let us say rather that the expenses of a Republic would- keep more than one Monarchy, and without recurring tilrmoil. Like freedom itself, the British Imperial constitution has broadened down—not from precedent to precedent, but from Conference to Conference, In the present Conference the mother and her sons have become equal partners. The mother is merely "prima inter pares," without pre-emptive right of either precedence, or presidence. And the most significant detail in the whole proceedings was the simple initial motion:— The proceedings of the Conference opened with Mr Bennett proposing and Mr Scullin seconding that Mr Ramsay MacDonald should be chairman.

„ Criticism of the Education Report continues to reverberate. In an Auckland paper a writer roundly calls its unification of educational sections a flattening out.” He adds: 1 If a general were to announce to his army that in future, for reasons of economy, all military grades would 'be abolished, his proclamation would be greeted with enthusiasm by the whole rank and file. His view of the situation might call for argument, and the justice of his comparison might he questioned. But there can he no doubt that the Committee, In recommending a wholesale unification of educational administration, merely proposes to flatten it out. In. fact it took a flattened view of Its subject. Now, a man to whom perspectives appear as a flat picture is doing one or both of two things. He is looking at the view through a small hole, or Ib gazing at it through only one eye. This interesting optical phenomenon is explained at length in a very interesting, very popular medico-legal novel by a widely-read author. Two men In « murder trial depose to having witnessed the killing through two small holes In the wall. Counsel for the Defence proved that what they saw J was merely a flat moving picture. He eaye to the juryi— You may object that thee* men would have seen the difference between a picture and a real room. £erhajM they would, even in that dim t ey kad looked at the Beene witt both eyes; But each man wae looking with only one eye—through a f lO *' Now ( It requires the use i'bo v eyes to distinguish between a solid object and a flat picture. To a one-eyed man there is no difference —which is probably the reason that one-eyed artists are such accurate draughtsmen; they see the world around them as a flat picture, just as they draw It. AU this la proof positive that the Education Committee viewed the subject of Its enquiry either through a small hole in the wall, or with one eye ehut. -There are, of course, a third and a fourth possibility i that the Committee playfully kept one eye closed, or that the Committee, educationally speaking was monoculous. 8

Dear Civis,—Since we are in for mechanised music, might it not be well to give the devil his due—or something more than his due—and Introduce the musical motor horn. I am told that Her Majesty the Queen ,naa adopted a trumpet to play some suitable air in front of her car. The scheme lends itself to much invention. For instance the Rolls Royce that has recently made ita appearance in Dunedin might announce itself with selections from "The Chocolate Soldier” the clerical motorist might be supplied with a horn that would render the most negotiable bars of “The J«*r of Bray.” Other tunes than Little Mary" will suggest themselves- to the thoughtful pedestrian as the slogan of the medical man. You will see that I have but touched the fringe of a subject on which you, sir, may see fit to enlarge. Discipunos.

My correspondent’s suggestions could be multiplied ad infinitum.' A taxi conveying ladies to the Brown House might toot to the air of “ Those Evening Bells.” The Waitati woodman conveying his manuka logs to town by motor lorry might similarly lament to the tune of “The Lost Chord." The Minister of Education might set his Government car to good propagandist work by a couple of bars of “ The Plough Boy.” The young man about town who has met hia 100 might drive his newly-married bride on a motor honeymoon to the tune of “Sigh no More, Ladies.” And what could be more appropriate to the wife taxi-ing home late after a night of bridge than “Should He Upbraid.” The tuneful opening bars of “Lo! Here the Gentle Lark” would be just the thing for the horns of a Capping Procession. And should a politician own a car, and had his motor horn a right, sense of the fitness of things, it would automatically play to the Well-known air of— When the bah-hab-bahbllng brook Goes bab-bab-babbling by* Says a writer in an Australian Weekly: The Englishman who tried to educate his countrymen to make the best of their chicken by spreading the report that Queen Victoria picked her bones did more for the English than he knew. The nearer the bone the more the vitamin—though scientists have so far discovered only A, B, C, and D. and are a bit hazy about these. But they do know that vitamins are vital 1 forces necessary to life. To save his fingers if not his face man invented an elaborate system of forks and spoons, and even a more elaborate system of etiquette labelled table manners. The inventor of the table fork was thus a malefactor to his species. The knife we have always had with us since our cave days. But the knife merely reduced the meat to manageable size before the fingers and teeth were called upon to perform their accustomed tasks. Medieval knights and their fair ladies used only knife and fingers and teeth. Italian nobility in 1600 first used the fork, and delighted in the new toy that ousted the finger howl. The fork custom reached England shortly after Elizabeth’s day. But the East still views the new fangled instrument with disgust, and the Persians to this day call it contemptuously a “claw.” England still retains a relic of pre-fork days in the frills she puts on cutlets. These once protected the fingers. Finger-stalls would be just as useful. The universal ~7° r almost universal—pleasure in a picnic arises not from fresh air and sunshine and companionship with nature and art. It comes straight from the fork. Wo are merely indulging our primeval instincts and building up primitive appetites by picking bones—the first course in the menu. Ergo, a picnic should be forkless. Otherwise it is a mere al fresco meaL

Write* a perturbed country correspondent i Dear Oivia, —(l) If a man works .. bia Parents all the best days of his life and gats just a few shillinga pocket' moftey, is ha entitled to anything or any consideration on leaving home? (2) la there any law whereby such man could claim for wages owing, and for how many years back could he chum? Concerned. A legal reply is difficult—my correspondent does not reveal whether he is the thrifty father or the protesting son. No lawyer can give a legal opinion without knowing what view his client desires him to take. A theological reply would he easy, but would be applicable to the father only. The law is hard upon the deserving son, and too lenient to the undeserving parent. According to English law—apart from Poor Law Statutes —there is no duty whatever on the parent to support his child. Evidently in England the Law of Nature has probably been considered sufficient to supply the motives necessary. In strictness o*f law it is as necessary to prove a contract in this as in most other transactions. In Scotland there is a legal obligation on - parents and children to support each other if able to do- so. But this obligation extends only to subsistence money. Which implies that Scotland places small trust in the aforesaid Law of Nature. My reply to the eon is —no contract, no obligation; no cross, no crown. The following newspaper cutting, sent by a Wellington correspondent, comes down to details, and revives the old problem of the impossible superlative; Schoolboys and girls are taught that such, words as "unique” and "infinite cannot be used in the comparative or superlative degree. They will note with amusement that the Education Report on page 51 makes the Director-General (Mr T. B Strong) say in his evidence; "The system of educational administration in JNew Zealand is probably the most unique, as it is also the most expenasive in the firitish Empire,” Most unique ” Is one of those regrettable illogicalities that are creeping into the language in spite of the New Zealand educational administration. " Uniqueness is a matter of yes or no. No unique thing it more or less unique than another unique thing. A “ unique ” report is one which is the only existing specimen of its kind—the precise like of which may be sought in vain. The adjective means more than merely remarkable, or exceptional, or rare or marvellous. " Unique ” means the absolute limit, the lonely pre-eminence of one, unaccompanied, unsurpassed, stand- ™ ble , ak Bolitude on the Ultima ihule, the last promontory of the Land’s End of the crowded realm of reports. You can.t qualify or modify “unique." A unique thing is simply unique, and there s the end of it. The only adverbs you can use before the word are such indications of your own uncertainty, as almost, perhaps, nearly, really, surely. No ’no 16 roßpeCt *‘ But most uniquel Oms.