ROBINSON CRUSOE REDEVIVUS.

Otago Daily Times, Issue 18447, 7 January 1922, Page 2

ROBINSON CRUSOE REDEVIVUS.

A BIT OF GENUINE HUMOUR. , By Constant Rbadeb. Mr Barry Pain is the prince of modern parodists, ns his “Marge Askinforit” abundantly testifies. The hundreds who have enjoyed the sly “digs” at Mrs Asquith and her diary contained in that/ amusing little volume will be in a mood to appreciate Mr Barry Pain’s latest skit, , which carries the following on the title page:The Return and Supperizing Reception of ROBINSON CRUSOE, Of York, Parrot-Tamer, Who left a good place on an un-inhabited jsland rear the mouth of, the Great River of Oroonoque. and booked for Civilisation With an Account o’f His Sufferings and Providential Escape. To the parodist nothing is sacred. Even the nusterpic'c? of literature become, hi« proper prey. Tims Daniel Defoe’s immortal work has ’been seized upon by ,Mr Barry Pain and utilised as' the medium for some genuine humour. To enjoy the parody properly it is essential to nave a good aocfuaintance with the original and that class

of unfortunates whose education has .been so neglected, as not to • include “Robinson Orusoe” in the course of their reading are herpby advised to leave .“Robinson Crusoe a Return” severely alone.. To. any such it, will seem simply, o'farrago of nbnsense. As in> “Marge Askinforit,” so in his latest .brochure Mr Barry Pain has so ad mirably caught the spirit and imitated the style ofi the original as’’to create one of the choicest pieces of absolute humour current for many a year. At the same time he has Continued to introduce much _ capital sarcasm at the expense of the civilised practices of 10-dav. Possibly only those who know London and the ways of Londoners will be able to appreciate to . the full this delightful skit, but there is much that will be enjoyed by every reader who has the slightest sense of fun. After spending 12 weeks on nis rsit with the leg of mutton, sail, his fowling piece, and a bottle -of cordial. Robinson • Crusoe sighted the shores of England, and retiring into a convenient cave he gave mmseii up to meditation: — There was! nothing whatever to drink or eat (the parrot having drawn the cork of the bottle and- drank the cordial); and being now very, low and dejected in-my ■ mind. I spread the parrot out to dry, •; and retired into the cave-in the utmost despair, calling myself - the mostr-unfor-tunate and distressed mortal that ever was , in this world. . ,1. . j Such was my impiety and ingratitude, for might I hot better have thought tnat: I was come safe to the end of* a most > perilous voyage without so muoh.as losing my Umbrella ? Truly it is that Ve * ink much of the slight, evils that 11 we have - and hot at all of. the far greater evils ■ that we have • escaped. If a man stamps ’ violently, though it be but once, on another’s toes, that other must needs t ■f speak’of . it with peevish discontent, when ; ' ho should be rather thankful teat he i : was horn a man and not a doormat; If you like our adventures, try our moraliaations. They are very good to-day, Robinson secures a free ride on a railway train bound for London and on the journey . mokes acquaintance with one calling himself George Rats, who acquaints him wjth many strange things concerning civilisation, He I campa in'a thicket in Itegents Park: Rising early next morning I came forth j from my thicket and made my way with : etealth to the water-side, and there, after milch seeking, I lighted on three eggs, j Two of these were real duck’s eggs, and of the third' I cannot speak more par- ; tioularly, as I found, on tasting it, teat ! the copyright had expired. Nor did I j dare to make a fire and so oook them : in the ashes, lest my fire should attract j human beings or keep off wild animals. | I also saw a swan. And how its plumage i shone! But when I’d got a 1 brick to • throw, I found the bird had gone. ( So once more I went back to my hiding place, and there lay until such tune as the Park was' opened and , I might venture to show myself; then going.forth from the park, I came „ upon a n»ilkman with his cart, And before each door he deposited a- can' of his milk. And at this I burst into teoreV for here (so my thoughts ran) I had at least discovered an example of that simple and brotherly trust which I had thought to be _ more extinct among men. . Why should it not be ever thus 7' Why are not cordials distributed in a similar manner? Is man, then, so debased and sunken-in civilisation that, he is trusted with nothing but milk and the Encyclopedia Bntanmca? Having beaten my breast, I then prooeeded to business. . . ! I However, even here my ill-fortune pur- j sued me, for just as I was drinking my second can of milk, the door before which it ' had been placed suddenly opened, and a woman appeared cJad principally in what happened to come! first. I think that never in my life did I -hear so much noise made about so little milk, for I had not left one-third of a pint in the can. But I remembered my tether’s advioe, viz., to quit all unseemly < brawling, and so did not stay to discuss the matter with her; and, as her costume was such Os to prevent her from venturing beyond her doorstop I passed quietly round the corner. But I now determined that ever after this, if I should have occasion to take milk in this way, I would first secure the handle of the door by _ a stout cord to some rail or post, or if there was none such, then to the -handle 'of the next door. Thus ie had always been with me since I came to this island, viz., that what one accustomed, to civilisation would do with oare and safety, I did with great risk and difficulty. Robinson Crusoe, in the course of conversation -with his parrot, Pointed out to the intelligent bird “ that a stone under conditions of rotary progression was inevitably debarred from all vegetable accretions.” He set Ms wits to work to discover how to get a dinner without paying for it. “This was now imperative, for I was no longer upon a desert island with a convenient wreck to serve as a General Emporium, and morning and evening deliveries by express tide i-of all goods required. I was'm a commercial centre—viz., a plane where you might not possibly have what you paid for, blit you would certainly have to pay for what, you had.” This loads up to an interesting episode:— On my return I discovered at once the moans which ’I had bee% seeking of obtaining. : my dinner for the future without i paying for it: I observed in the Park a flock of i; -sheep straying in the direction of that close plantation or thicket where I had lain the night before. What could be simpler for mo. choosing my moment, than to make a sudden rush and, dragging one of these sheep into my lair,' to dispatch it with my knife. I should by this action bo ensuring for the .other sheep the more grass to eat, lessening the competition between them, and thus conferring no small kindness upon their owner. So then, with no little cunning,' I marked down my sheep And went after it. and at the same time a large dog, of, whose presence I had been unaware, went : after me. It was an interesting event,' but spoiled by the most disgraceful up- 1 rgor'and confusion on - the course. Dog, woo; park-keeper and policeman, second

and third. Also rah, two housemaids, ,U telegraph hoy, and the waiter from the Refreshment Kiosk. Of the conversation which followed I can give no particular aaccount, as during’ the. groat part, of the time I was endeavouring to disentangle myself from the dog and to '’spirt out. .what belonged !■ to , each respectively; hut the main condusion was that I was to leave the Part at once and was nover to come there any more. One of the housemaids added with severity: . . “ No, nor, anywhere else, neither.” During his sojourn in England, Robinson Crusoe spent a day in visiting Hampsteecl '■ Heath, on a day which, while not Sunday, was consecrated, to a saint whose name “sounded to me like Bengkoidy.” Robinton’s greatest adhkweißpnt, however, was ast account of ■ a test match, written after ** a careful study of all the sporting and athlstio news that I can find in the papers, so that at least it will be found that I do use the right -term*} and phrases.” i After some slight delay at the startinggate, the kangaroos kicked off with two all-round cannons, and a grand soreWback, Z, _ doubled, and Y . his partner led the eight of hearts. This might have been dangerous, but some brilliant combination work _saved"the situation. Til-, den’s npxt service was caught low down in the sli]? by Woolley, and he passed to Warden, who did the seventh and eighth in two and three. The kick was entrusted to Father Vaughan, who, how r over,! failed to convert, and Capahlanca’s ■ ■ next moye(Q—Q R, 8) seemed" moment- : tarily' to stagger Dempsey. Thus thh first chukka ended with Leandar a length ahead under Hammersmith Bridge, and many experts considered that , with Dohoghuo up the horse would have wonThe luncheon interval was then taken. In the second innings play was soda 1 transferred to the enemy’s country,- the Queen’s Hall Orchestra finding Durston quite unplayable. The 3.30 race was considered a gift for. the Kong’s horse, but Armstrong drove him three times to the boundary, and he was then taken off, while Carpentier. with 2 lightning punch, disposed of X’s preemptive declaration! Things were, indeed looking black till a long, low shot beat the goalkeeper, and the Spurs once more equalised. The excitement was intense, and when Inman, 'while attempting a long losing hazard, succumbed to a back-hand smash from Mdllc. Lenglen, several women fainted.' It was magnificent, but was it Spellmans? HoweverI*, 1 *, all was not oyer. At Tattenham Corner the Oxford ' .stroke quickened, and his crew responded gamely, but the effort was lost in a quick succession of amazing incidents. Bergholt revoked, Lasker resigned, J. H. James nose-dived. A-N-Other out the cloth, the leading car ran off the track, the gasworks blew up, and amid deafening applause the good yacht Britannia breasted the tape in one-fifth of a second under record. And so stumps were drawn, leaving a hard-earneebvictory with the winners,' Truly, a great and unforgettable occasion. An excellent piece of fooling. With a copy of the original Hobinson Crusoe and a copy of Mr Barry Pain’s parody there should he no fear of a dull holiday. For ■the speedy dissipation of boredom “Robinson Crusoe’s. Return” can be highly recommended.