WHY PEOPLE MARRY

Otago Daily Times, Issue 17942, 22 May 1920, Page 10

WHY PEOPLE MARRY

Judging from the reasons people give for their desire to marry, or for why they havo done so, it would appear that for overyone, marriage is the natural state of life, and that for many it is simply tho inevitable destiny. When reasons for having married are given, they are as often as not merely excuses for what appears to be a puzzle to friends and relatives. Likewise, tho why anr' wherefore of the happiness found in married life is a mystery which only the Sphynx could unriddle. ,

One girl declared she married because "he was so like her brother William." A certain chivalrous * youth of an idealistic turn of mind fell violently in love with a girl whoso life was mado bitter by a regular dragon of a stepmother (such as you read of in fairy tales). His desire was to take her away from the venomous beast, even as Perseus rescued Andromeda. And so ho married her. Another case in which chivalry was the apparent motive of marriage was the case of a man whose love was instantaneously aroused by the pity and sympathy he felt for a young and attractive girl who was being scolded by her elder sister. Both these marriages turned out well, because both men were of a romantic turn of mind, knowing how to give those picturesque little touches to every day life, and to appreciate their wives, thus bringing out the best in them. And, doubtless, tho girls also were of tho right sort, having learnt, under their previous discipline of dragon-mother and exacting sister to stand calm and patient under fire. — Should the Husband bo the Elder? — Conventional ideas demand that the man should be both older and bigger than the woman. But neither of these two factors are altogether necessary. Great happiness may often result when the man is the younger by some years. Robert Browning and his wife are classical examples of this. Another very happy marriage in which the man was younger than the woman was that of the church organist who fell in love with the lady who trained the choir. She was old enough to be his mother, and she had a daughter who would have been of a suitable age for the young organist, but the companionship found in a common enthusiasm proved a stronger attraction than that of youth. So the young man married the mother, and after marriage all three lived happily together. Intellect counts for much, and it has a way of banishing age. /That is probably why Ellen Terry had a boy in love with her. One rather unfortunate instance o! a young man's infatuation for a woman old enough to be his mother is that of a youth who came to his chum's twentyfirst birthday party. It was summer, and they were having a picnic. The mother of the boy-host sprained her anklo, so the friend carried her tola mossy bank, and there he told her of his love for her. The lady at once responded, and a marriage was arranged. The boy's father was furious, and cut him off with a shilling. This, however, did not trouble him, for the lady had enough money for two. But his married life must very soon have palled on the boy, for the lady kept him constantly tied to her apron strings, and Refused to allow him to follow his career. And worse, almost, was to follow. She died after some years, leaving him without a penny. — Men's Whimsical Tastes.—

Men show, indeed, the most whimsical of tastes imaginable in the objects of their choice. Some see perfection in the most undesirable of women. Such a man, although his wife may be utterly selfish and callous, and not even good-looking, will worship her as a goddess. The explanation of this behaviour is that the man does not see the woman as she really is, but as he imagines she is. He has invested her Wjith his ideal, and it is to that ideal he bows down. Every tantrum displayed by the actual woman is but a call to further effort to please her and win from her a smile or a word of praise. One man of this turn of mind was a splendid big fellow, a V.C. hero, whose town had paid him high honours oh his return from the front. His wife was delighted to drive through the streets with him and Bhare his triumph, but she had no feeling whatever for any suffering he might have. Once he had a small but painful operation, and that very evening she badgered him into taking her to the theatre. Before leaving for the front he came in to his mother quite excitedly, saying, "Do you know, she's crying!" Ho was overjoyed to think she cared that much. He was a very handsome man. while she had no pretension, whatever to good looks. Her smile was of the sort which is aptly described as "showing teeth." Yet, for all this, it is nossible that the man was quite happy. He had. at 1 any rate, something to care for, to sacrifice himself for, which is for some noble types, a necessity. The pity was that she was so unworthy. But 90 "is it— the women who really are of a beautiful character, and of the kind which merit adoration, often marry someone totally unable to appreciate them. One highly cultured woman, who devoted herself, body and soul, to her husband, was treajted Jbv him in a decidedly off-hand manner. She cou'd paint, write, act, and speak in public, yet it was nothing to her husband that she baked the bread for him, cooked, washed, and scrubbed. Whpn they travelled, he went first-claes, and she third, although he was by no means poor. But he was saving his money for a pet object he had in view, and when he died, he left a considerable fortune to a hospital. To his devoted wife, he left a small''income which was to ceaee if ever she married again. Apparently, however, she had no wish to place her affections elsewhere, for she remained a' widow, always speaking fondlv of her husband as "my dear lad." It is possible she had something akin with the girl, who only the other day said that if she were of the working class she is quite sure that she would feel there was something wrong if her husband did not beSt her everv Saturdav niorht. On the other hand, many splendid working -women marry for a companion, nowadavs, and their married lives are beautiful examples of what matrimony ought to be. —To Get Away From Home.—

Quite often, girls have married just to get away from home and curiously enough, it has frequently happened that their hus-' bands have been unable to keep them, and they have had to go back to their parents, who, probably, had been only too glad to get rid of their discontented daughters. One girl married because she was never allowed to keep a dog. But, although this reason was somewhat trivial, she never had cause to regret her decision. And, after all, as has been said, the reasons given for marrying are little more than an attempt to explain the inevitable. And when a woman marries, obviously, to have a home of her own, she is surely not committing any great sin. Romantic souls may blame her, but if she ha« a sincere regard for some man, if she finds in him a companion, and is prepared to be to him "a fellow farei true through life," she is acting as she should. A woman of this sort, a home-lover, who understands how to make a happy home, will often have a much happier marriage, and make of it a far greater success than the romantic girl who is ignorant of domestic science, and who has no intention of malting a home. — Marriage a Great Career.— After all, marriage is a .great career, and a woman must put her Back into it and study its problems just as in any other profession or,, state of life. Many men marry because they want a home. Even when they marry for love, and for the moment are content to forgo all else, they will eventually want a nest to turn into. And the woman who cannot make that nest cheerful and cosy, is a failure. According to an Eastern proverb, a woman without a husband is like a bird with a broken wing. The same may perhaps be said of a man also. Neither, indeed, can be perfect without the other, j And though it is impossible to give any | particular reason for marrying, it will be a great help both to the mad and the woman to keep before them an ideal of companionship wherein each life may be completed and perfected. Striving thus, each to help, the other, they shall bear their burdens together, and in this way find that every difficulty and sorrow will bring them closer to one another. And so the darkest hour shall be lit by the light of a love which cannot die.—Burnie Hill, in the Weekly Scotsman.