The Critic

NZ Truth, Issue 1030, 22 August 1925, Page 1

The Critic

The thirst for gain dominates America; tlie thirst for gin dominates Americans abroad. i # # # The longer the Yankee sailors stay here the shorter they get. # • ■■•#••■•■■■■#• "Spring frocks are . appearing," says a fashion writer. It is perhaps as well they have ceased disappearing . # # * Nature Study Notes: The hotter the cat is, the more it purrspires. Chickens grow "down" as they grow up. \ "There's a nip m the air here that we've not experienced for a long time," remarked a Yankee visiting officer to "Critic." And nips m the bars that are supposed to be barred m U.S.A.

Censorship of dress m Turkey has been abolished. Turkish ladies may now follow Western fashions. More wars m sight for Johnny, Turk! Prohibition -.is anti-Liberty. In otKer .words; ; No'-IJicense, Liberty-. ■ ■. ' . *'. , ■ -.*.. ■••,*.. American sailors" new .version of one of their national ' songs: " • "ALE COLUMBIA!", • ■■#■■•■ ■#• s * ' The American.. Fleet brought: its own fireworks' with-it. At home, they go m for more firewater. :' ■ . .* - *- : ' * ■■ ■ " I Having been bullied into .attending some Fleet-week ' dances lately; "Critic" hastens to state emphatically that the report' alleging the absence of backbone iri-'tue modern girl is absolutely unfounded. He saw for himself! . . * ......-■#. # , ■ v .'. Many people still believe m the old notion "that- to keep your spirits up you must put them down. This notion is strongest among those who have crossed an ocean from a land where the moonshines. . _. # ■ • * ' * ■ : "U.S.A." That is the polite current method of addressing the punter, visitor or local, who sought to amass riches at the races. U Silly Ass. . « * * Next week the fleet will have fleeted. God's Own Country will be a gobforsaken one. May the gob be with us when we meet (war) again. I . •*... # # j You can't tell a girl's weight by her k sighs. /

1 ' IT ' S a poor Maxim ' that won 't work both ways, " said Abdul • Krim, as he turned a captured gun on the fleeing Spaniards! _

A daily paper describing a ceremonial march of American sailors through the streets said: • The officers were dressed and looked almost exactly like our own naval officers. After all the sensational reports we have heard from Australia it is satisfactory to note that. "the. officers were dressed." Without wishing to appear too pro-- American, we are confident our visitors would have observed the ordinary conventions even though the weather had been less wintry. * * * ■ Most schools- are closed for the vacation — to give the children and the teachers a rest. All the searchlights of all the viaitingr wai-ships have not located a rest for the Mothers.

- Xiiberty does not mean unbridled license. The hotel licenses are well bridled m New Zealand. . * .«■"' * ,; The American, sailors have commented upon' - the stand-offishness of New Zealand girls. Thus they explain their resort to the ; 'old' postscript" substitute at the end of letters: XXX and perhaps XXX added. , • ''Women who. are getting on, don't get off > so . quickly as the younger ones. •' ■ # #■-■"•,#■■■■ If you find it hard to breathe, consult a doctor. He'll soon stop it.

MANY a University girl who can pass an examination cannot pass a mirror! It Is a pity young folks don't think more seriously of matrimony — it's no joke. =» * * A man might more quickly make up his mind to propose if he could decide just how much make-up there was on the girl's face. Complaint has been made that our welcome' to the Americans was not cordial. It was certainly not lacking' m spirit. «• c- * Item from a Taranaki paper: WOOL MARKET FIRM. Good Clearances at Sydney. Sydney, Aug. 12. ' The Re vi Septimus jHungerford, of Mosmah,. celebrated' his one hun- ■ dredth birthday to-day. He is claimed to be the oldest clergyman m the world. Apparently-, the 'heading expert had some "inside information" m addition to the text of the cable. If the "wool" refers to the venerable gentleman's hair we think it is most disrespectful.