Story of the Lad Full of Pep

NZ Truth, Issue 1017, 23 May 1925, Page 8

Story of the Lad Full of Pep

Told By the Man Who Could Hardly \ Dodge a Hearse

When we read Yankee papers we take off our boots, light the gun, and put bur feet on the mantleshelf. We pass over the business college adverts. They're all about seizing opportun-. ities roughly by the scruff of the neck and making them bend to, dogged determination to succeed., We're sick of this dogged v stuff. It may be.all right ma . Bone-dry country, but we're satisfied just to have the determination neat. But — —

Cuthbert H. Hustle lapped, it up. He eat over those ads. at night, pop-eyed, filled with galvanic' energy. He was so chock-full of pep, punch, do-it-now stuff that he was like V R33 m a gale. He was likely to burst his moorings any minute find dash off to 'stuff, pep and punch into a sure-money-maker. Rome wasn't built m a day was stale potatoes' to Cuthbert H. Hustle.-. It was •■>thp superstructure that Cuthbert H. wanted first. f The Man who builds a tipuse and laboriously pays off his mortgage rather than pay rent cut no ice with this human whiz. No fear; ; he ? wks after. /a, block of houses for conversion into modern fiats, where he would get rents . then that, would make him independent. r All he wranted was the cash. The other 'day he 'heard bfVi just tHe place;, and flew , to. put- pep-, anf punch into, .old Hitani Wellaway, that: fat: old bird" 'who owns the -big block m Main Street, and could have made thousands more had he only known what to do with his monej r . Cuthbert H. Hustle stalked to his office exuding pep at every stride, elbowing plodders from his path. His intention ■was to put the' scheme across bright and snappy; to know what he was about to say, and say it. There wasn't much punch about Hiram Wellaway,' but there was .any quantity of it about Cuthbert H.. Hustle. The.- effect of , the collision was of ' steam hammer encountering a mass .of :rubber. ■Cuthbert, H. let loose the scheme and rebounded weakly, from the inertia of Wellaway with the whole scheme gone and. the pitiful announcement that he might consider going 50-50. Like a pricked balloon he fell back, m a seat m the corner, his pep and punch gone, and his. glorious, scheme with it. Old Wellaway, 'as a sort of\ second thought; added that he. didn't think much of the scheme, ajidv. joined "his chubby fingers across his bloated stomach. . '■':' , : ■'•■-. ■ rAs tie uttered the words, pep and punch, returned to Cuthbert H. Never be down-hearted at the first Reverse, he repeated to himself, and doing ' so left the office abruptly. He. "was off to attack : another mark with a still heavier punch. On the way. down he complained audibly of the slow descent; of : the; : lift. . .-, .He'- tackled . six re-;put6diy.'ricfc'--inen r >,tliat/",d.ayi! and all of them said they ;"didn't think Vmuch of the' 'schen^i'r but.:all of them succes'siyely'-.' got •.a/.-.tferrible! knockfback -when, as soon as, Cuthbert H' 'Hustle had left their '.office's, they rang up: to get options over the, property, ' and found that Hiram Wellaway had already dona so." ■'■■■' '''';"\" \-:Kr : ' : '. v : ; ' ; v ::'•'•■. V" ''. ■;':'.■ .•'■■' , And when C.H.H. called, full of pep, to ask* about the 50-50 'arrangement, did he get far? Well, >ask; yourself. Give me graft. before pep.. ;

But was Cuthbert H. Hustle any the less active? Not a bit of. it. - It' was m the rapid lunch service I met him a few days later. He was loudly complaining of delay m the service. I walked, or rather ran, up. the road with him. On the way he told me with gesture and rapid articulation that he'd invented a new and immovable, stickfirm face powder. The thing could be made at sixpence a box and would 'go at 4/6. . All he wanted was a man to put up £1000 for the first month's advertising and there ..was a cool .£IO,OOO a year m it. afterwards. He had notes of all. the leading papers' full-page rates, and reckoned on having two pages m color .from "Truth." 1 got puffed out and left him 1 . But on his way a .tramcar collided with him and : was knocked back three blocks, but the impact was too much for Cuth'bert H. He died, m hospital a few hours later murmuring incoherently of flour and glue arid coloring matter and thousands of /pounds. Crossing the street the following day, I barely avoided an oncoming motor vehicle.. ,. Leaping aside) I was m time, barely m time, ' to take my bat off to the funeral of Cuthbert H. Hustle. MORAL: A live ass is better than a dead lion. " :'■' .''.■■'.'■■ : ; ' :— "K."