TRUTH TALKS

NZ Truth, Issue 1017, 23 May 1925, Page 4

TRUTH TALKS

WITH THE MAN AT TOE CORNER ON TOPICS OF THE WEEK >

Having dilated on the health-giving effects of motoring, the Man, we confidently expect, will soon be seen at the wheel. Then doubtless it will be speed restrictions he will rail at. For on the iniquities of the world he has always something fresh to say. This week, m baneful mood, he burbled briefly about butter sales m England, and complained bitterly about the price of hen fruit. However, he was m brighter mood on the American vernacular.

A BUTTER BOTCH. "It's a cow of a game," exploded our friend from along the street, and we felt impelled to take him up ' rather sharply. ■ . ■ "'Steady on, Man, you might put it a little more pleasantly," we said. The Man glared down a£ us dubiously. "I mean precisely what I say, 'Truth' — I refer to the product of the cow. I deplore the lack of adequate methods at Home to ensure that New Zealand butter — the best m the. world — gets to. those who want New Zealand butter." "But surely anyone at Home who wants New Zealand butter can get it?"

we inquired, bearing m mind the pasjt^ year's exports of primary products. "Not by any means, 'Truth'," said the Man. "I happen to have experienced the difficulty myself m London and what I purchased, for 'New Zealand butter — guaranteed, sir* (it came from a big slab), was, well — good axle grease." "Isn't that a bit tall, Man?" we ventured.' :'■.■■■ ' "What I have said is actual fact. It is, or was, within the scope of an unscrupulous dealer on the other side to get rid of inferior butter, as- the New Zealand product. I see by a recent cable that although there was no difference m value, Continental butter fetched, sixpence a pound more than New Zealand's best because it was packed m tubs, women having the idea that the best butter came out of tubs." • . "Yes, we noticed that an appeal was made to standardise the method of packing all, imported butter, Man," we said, "and now you have explained yourself, we fully agree that it is indeed 'a cow of a game." ■ ■ NO DOUBLE STIPENDS. "For the honor of the country," said the Man, "I hope you will be able to say* 'No' to the questions I am about to ask." . " 'No' is a dreadful word," we said, "but — for the honor of the countryproceed!" "If a Minister of the Crown takes more than one portfolio, does he double his Ministerial salary with each extra portfolio?" "Certainty not," we said. "He can load himself with the work of three Ministers if lie likes, but he draws only one salary." "When he draws a Prime Minister's salary (£2000), or a Minister's salary (£1300), does he also' draw an ordinary member's salary of £500?" "Again, no. If he gets £1300 for stamp-licking he gets no extra for baby-kissing. If no residence is provided he receives £ 200 a year house allowance." "Ah," replied the Man, "the honor of the country is saved. A crimsontied cuss near the Corner was figuring a certain Minister's screw at £10,000 p.a. Another thing: Do some of these runabout Ministers draw too heavily m travelling allowance at £2 per day?" . Not feeling able to repeat the nega-' tive answer, we side-tracked him into an inquest on the weather. TONGUE FOR TWO., "I see that Mr. Stanley Baldwin the other day spoke of the 'common tongue' existing between Britain and America. 'Truth'," commented the Man. "Well, you don't think an American wants an interpreter when' he crosses the 'Herring Pond' to see London do you, or vice versa, Man?" "Not on your sweet life, bo, I guess," said our friend pretending to chew, "but I reckon right here that there, is a gordarn lot that is not 'm common' too, guy, huh?" ■ "In pronunciation, right; but m spirit, the relations between England ami America were never better and it's a mutual advantage to remain so."

"Admitted," said the Man. "I was only thinking, though, how American business efficiency has also eaten into their vocabulary. They don't mince words and have got phonetics down <

to a fine margin. A spade is a spade over there and it is spelt as a spade. They don't want a twenty-letter word meaning- 'an elongated instrument commonly used m agarian pursuits' when a nice little five-letter word saying S-P-A-D.-E straight out will fill the bill." "And yet the language seems to have lost a lot of its fineness," we commented, "by its rigorous curtailment. 'Labor, humor, tumor' for instance, are lucid enough, and yet that little "v" pleases the Britisher." Affecting an American tAvang, the Man said: "I guess, guy, there's no sentiment m business. It's buzz m, look around, pick your goods, an,d buz "out again, .on the double; do it now, see, bo?" . "All right," we said; "do it now." The man took the hint. "EGGS IS EGGS." "Do you indulge m hen fruit, 'Truth'?" "You mean eggs. Yes — but not just at present." . . ■ . ■ "So you've noticed it, too. Why is it that the hens all go slow at the same time — or appear to?" "Time of the year. Cold weather and so on. But we don't profess to be poultry experts." 'If you were you would probably manage to raise late or early chickens so that they would come into profit at a time when the hens, hatched at the ordinary time on orthodox lines, have stopped, laying." "But surely the experts have tried .tiiatr ■■-■-.

"Yes, but I believe that when a number did it. the result was such a good supply of eggs that comparatively low prices ruled." "Well, they've not been low lately — fourpence and as high as fivepence each m some places, and as much as threepence for preserved eggs." "Now you've hit on what I believe is the real explanation of the present unreasonable prices. The poultry people are finding it pays them to preserve eggs m time of plentiful supplies. Chickens hatched at unreasonable times have a high mortality rate and cause extra trouble. Preserving eggs when plentiful and so depleting the market keeps prices healthy (for the seller), and later on a good (and often unreasonable) price is obtained for the preserved - article when the hens are taking a rest." "A ve,ry interesting suggestion. But what do you base it on — mere supposition?" "Not a bit of it. . I've been making inquiries, and from official sources I find that at the end of March last year there were .44,942 dozen eggs m cold storage m New Zealand. At the end of March this year the number was just under sixty thousand dozen. Doesn't that support my suggestion?" And the Man produced an official return to substantiate his figures. He rejected with scorn a jesting suggestion that the increase might not be unconnected with the fact that this is Election Tear. ■ HEALTH IN MOTORING. "When the motor-car first made its appearance, 'Truth,', doctors' in a number of cases ascribed colds, pneumonia and sundry complaints to driving m cars on the open roads." "Times have changed, and cars too, since then," we said laconically. "That is quito apparent, 'Truth.' I noticed the .other day that a prominent doctor at Home announced that since the advent of the motor-car, a good seven years has been added to the average years of a man's life. He says: 'Far from killing off the human race, the automobile is helping it to live." ' "It's all a matter of fresh air, Man. Travelling leisurely about the country on a nice, fine day m a car is not going to hurt anybody."

"That is just what I wanted to point out, 'Truth,' if I may be permitted to quote the doctor again. He says that motoring is valuable m lung and bronchial, troubles.because of the additional

oxygen forced threugh the respiratory organs by the mere fact of travelling at, a high rate of spLed.

'■You can't kill a man with a reasonable .supply of fresh air, 'Truth'," the Man went on, "but of course there are some people who would catch a cold if they poked their noses outside the door. I know plenty of 'em." "And if ; we are right, the same authority you are quoting says that the trade least susceptible to con-, sumption is that of the chauffeur. There is no doubt the car is here to stay and its benefits are .manifold." SECOND CHILDHOOD. "That's a new diversion that was held m Wellington the other night," remarked the Man. "Did you hear of it ? Nothing less than a 'Grown Up Children's' party at a cabaret." "Indeed," we said. "Well, anyway, there are plenty of grown-up children" — and we looked at our friend. "Yes, but they don't dress as such," he replied. "But at this party all the adults attended dressed as children, and there was extraordinary merriment, I believe." "No. doubt," we observed. " 'S'marvellous," said the Man. "What -I would like to know is what the ages were of some of these 'grown up children.' I've always understood that the jazz was popular with all ages and waist measurements, and it is, too, for I have seen men m the bald stage, even with noticeable obesity, hustling up cabaret and dancing teachens 1 stairs, but surely no men of mature age would come at this second childhood stuff m public, would they?"

"Good heavens, we don't know, I Man," we said," "though we wouldn't I be surprised if we heard they did. m When we go home m the evenings and fl play with the kids awhile we're as big B a kid as any of them, but there's any ■ amount of obese people with bald H heads these days who haven't any H children and don't want any. They're fl too shrewd, you know. so. shrewd, m fl fact, that you may expect, to see them H having 'an awfully jolly time 1 at a H 'grown up children's' party, probably BJ accoutred m knickerbocker pants and ■ blouses." H "Upon my word, 'Truth,' " observed H the Man reflectively, "it's a melancholy fl world, isn't it?" H COSTLY STATE BUSINESSES. 1 "I'm not an electrical expert, nor fl any sort of a ' technical genius," said fl the Man. "My only study is mankind, fl But I sometimes go to the lecturos of H a certain professor — mainly, I think, H because there is so much human 9j psychology m them." flj . " "Good," we said, "your lapse is par- HJ donable." Hj "And," he continued, "as I can Hj hardly help imbibing some of the. tech- SB nical (along with the human) let me B 9 add what this Prof, had to say about B| the water power that we change, into HJ electrical current, and which Aye cir- fl| culate for hundreds of miles through Bj copper wires." HB "Long transmissions are an engin-ifl eering' success, but there are expertsflß who contend that short transmissionsHjj will be a greater economic success. 'Sß "You've hit it m a sentence. With -MB out being dogmatic, the Prof, hints aflß such a possibility: cheap short-disfifl tance local powers competing againsfiflj costly long-distance outfits." gßj "If competition compels, the GovHH ernment will have to write down thflflj capital cost of the hydro-electric powe^HJ — of the railways, too." Bfl "No doubt," replied the Man, "bußHj (with emphasis) the Government canflH write down the interest on the loanHß out of which electrical outfits anflj railways were built." flj "Truly, Mr. Man-in-the-Street. Bvjßßj if you are as smart a taxpayer as yeAH are an economist, no doubt the- countJHH will survive.". H