TRUTH TALKS

NZ Truth, Issue 996, 27 December 1924, Page 4

TRUTH TALKS

WITH THE MAN AT T/IE CORNtK ON TOPICS OF THE WEEK -■ ■ /

Tea never induced the volubility that the Man overpowered us mm*S with this week, and our suspicions were confirmed by a whiff of Wfß* his breath. Nevertheless, he induced us m the exuberance of the season to accompany him down the road. There he poured a flood of thoughts m our ears. Pecuniary advantages of bo_t- . tie. gathering, observations on the new Governor-General, and a ' story concerning bushf alters are quoted at random to show the flight of the Man's fancy— and on tea, he wished us to believe.

AND MANY OF THEM. It was early m the week, late m the day, and we are afraid the rush of early publication made us somewhat less receptive than usual when the gentleman who adorns the Stre*et Corner, greeted us effusively with "Compl'nts of sheason!" His face was flushed. We were reluctant to think he had been indulging m convivialities with some of his communicative acquaintances. In this time of good will we attributed his condition to "complaints of the season." "Same to you," was our terse' reply. "And if it's all- the same to you," he burbled, "I wish the same to you."--We felt it our duty to remonsfrate: "Really, we are , surprised that j'ou should, have allowed yourself to be led astray like this — if only for one day. We thought you were a T.T." "So I am," he retorted quickly. "I'm

the Chief T.T n My talks with you when put into shape on paper are sent down to the printer as 'T.T.'s' aren't they?" . "They are." "And I am the chief 'Truth' Talker. Hence my claim to be the Chief T.T. I fee] hurt at your suspicions. I've not had a drop of anything stronger to-day than tea. Ten teas to be exact — T.T. again.". Too much tea upsets some people and the Man was obviously upset. We felt sorry . for him for two reasons. We had done him an injustice and he had had nothing more^.exhilarating than tea. So we made the amende honorable: |'We are sorry old man, w-3 implied that you had broken down m your endurance test of 52 weeks. We are prepared to demonstrate our scrrow by going out to- have a cup of tea with you, but we must do it quickly." And we put on our hat. "Righto," said the Man. r "We've got to be. quick. I told them across the read I'd tie back with. you or without jbu m five minutes arid the clock chimed a quarter 'to six as I left them. But you can drown a lot of sorrows in\ ten minutes." . He came, he saw,' he conquered: "Truth" was vindicated again. There's nothing like. tea. . ' ■'"'..., THE NEW GOVERNOR. ..."Yes, we saw, you there," we told the Mail, as he related having attended tlie swear irig-in of the new Governor. "Excellent speech he made, eh?" he went on. "Strikes me he has the Jellicoe humor we all liked, so much." "We think he has too," we said; "and him a Scotsman." ' ; -,L, i "Yes, and methinks he has 'the same modesty. At least, he was manly and straightforward about the trepidation he felt m -following in> the; Admiral's footsteps, and T feel sure- that a man who is not afraid to take the- .public into his confidence right . away . will be the sort to appeal to New Zealanders. Mind you," added the Man, "I don't go much on the military discipline stuff myself, you know, and it is good to see that we have a man amongst us who although he has commanded an Army is not a pompous autocrat." "He's far from that," we said. "Too true," declared the Man stoutly, "but we know one military big-bug m New Zealand once whom none of us would like to see made Governor. No. no, this Scot has. a kindly face, and upon my word he hath the soldierly bearing though. , Oh, yes, he carries his snow white head on firm shoulders and a very straight figure yet. It took him a minute or two to get warmed up m the speech, at his induction, eh?. But he was well away when he got going, very distinct, and no wasted words I thought." "Exactly as we thought," we replied, "a very courteous and well-delivered speech. We wouldn't mind hearing him hold forth again at any time." SOLDIERS ARE SOLDIERS. "When Burns said "'A Man's a Man for a' that' he may just as well have applied it m this way: 'A Soldier's a Soldier, fora' that." , ■ . _ "We always knew, that there 'is a wee bit of Scotch m you, Mr. Man, but we are agreeably surprised to note that you are a student of. Rab Burns. Anyway, why the 'improved' version, Muster- McMan?" "I was just thinking that thei"e must be something about the soldier that attracts the soldier to the soldier." "Just hold on for a second while W e think that out. We've got you now. You mean to say that soldiers are always 'at home* m each other's, company?" .

"That's when they are' not out look.in" for work of course." , ' '•' "Just" to prove to you that there' exists a fellow feeling between men who have fought for their countrytake notice of the fact that our; new soldier 'Governor-General . kept the Heads waiting: for a -quarter of an hour during his Swearirig-Iri Reception whilst he had; a heart-to-heart pow-wow with some of th« old soldiers who ; had turned out to greet him."- ■ r " '," '"'■" .'•'■■'.■; • "Yes, we noticed that ,bit, and we thought it was very, decent of : His Ex. top. We should think -•= .. that by that little, action of his he has immediately won> -over the good -wishes and- best respects of the returned soldiers m this country-" : . ■ . "Too right, 'Truth,' and ., there : are some- thousands o£.,.tliem,. T to6,''. t

"Yes, and they have families and relations too." "It's a case " of price a soldier always a soldier. And our new Governor is one of them." ANY BOTTLES TO-DAY? "I've- got an idea,' 'Truth'," the Man remarked as he breezily walked m. "I was talking to a 'bottle-oh' yesterday, and he gave me some inside information about the business— what a steady fellow who minds his P's and Q's can do at the game.": "Was he collecting empties at your place, Man? We thought you didn't, take it home!" "Quite true, 'Truth'," said the Man not taken, aback, "but this fellow had been into my next-door neighbor. I was at the gate and he asked -me if I had any bottles <o get rid of. Being of an itaquisitive turn of mind, I asked him what he made collecting bottles." "Not niuch we'll warrant if he got as much from other people as he did from you." "That's just the point, 'Truth. It's not from the houses of the general working masses that the 'bottle-oh 1 gets his best collection^ of empties. The workingman has his pint when he knocks off work at night and that's the end to it. It's at the house of the middle-class people who take their liquid refreshment home that all the business m bottles is done. This chap I was telling you about, made on an average, a little over; seven notes a week. Not bad, what!" ■ "But what's your big idea, Man?" "Well," ne said as he departed through the doorway, "I was thinking of giving the game a flutter myself m my spare time." "Better hop m straight away," we said.- "There ought to be a few dozen kicking round now." CHRISTMAS PRESENTS. "Had any presents -sent you for Christmas, 'Truth'?" : ■"No. Are you thinking : of sending one along?" ■ "Not unless you're thinking of sending me one." ; : v "I'll bet that's the very way most people think' about it when they part out on behalf of some of their friends, and I can imagine that they are often disappointed. For instance, just imagine me sending'you a ctise of " "Hold "on; give us something easy to imagine.' We couldn't possibly imagine that. Our imagination' is not elastic enough;" ' ■'...■' .".-. .\ . case of- -" "Oh! do stop' it— — "

". ..'". .. . case of cooking: apples " "Oooough!" : "And you sent me a scooter or a ,tin whistle.' Wouldn't I be disappointed?" . ' '' "Why?-'.. Would you imagine that you were entitled, to receive something worth having from me for your green apples?" "Ha! that's just what I wanted to explain. Most people send presents hoping that they will receive m return something worth having.- When they don't get that something -they take it to heart, and on' occasions the present which is supposed to be sent as a token of goodwill assumes the guise of .a message of malice." ' "But there are many exceptions." "There must be, for people keep on making presents. But, .seeing I relish your friendship so much, 'Truth,' I won't be making any presents to you this Christmas.". -••-... "Thanks, Man-; we never thought you were so kind-hearted." A TALL STORY. ■i.■ ■ . ■ ■ "I've often heard tradesmen talk about American .conditions," said the Man, "and wages over there, but it would surprise me no.\v to hear a painter or a sign writer or any of these people wtio have to work on the outsides of buildings talking about it." "We suppose you're thinking of the 88 storey building projected m New York,", we said. "They" say it would be higher than the wireless hill m. Wellington. Well, we've no desire to have an office m it, let alone crawl round on scaffoldings while it is being built." .......... "Nor me neither," declared the Man. "I've been watching two jokers (painters I mean) placing a scaffolding m position at" the top of one of the tallest buildings m town, and they can have their -job for me. I reckon men must be born to follow an occupation like theirs, just the same as alpine guides follow m the footsteps of fathers — except when Dad fell over the cliff — but. ,how about men to work on ah 88-storey building? They'll need to be descendants of goats." "Upon my word," we said (we couldn't resist it), "they will be goats." "Ha, ha," roared the Man, "but not billy goats. They might fall over their ziffs." ' . ■"-. .'■■•■ NOT STRONG: ON HISTORY. "It is a solemn fac-£, 'Truth,' that there were two men m New Zealand who up till a few months ago hadn't heard of Napoleon Bonaparte." "There were," we said surprisedly "Tc that; so?" .■■■.-, "It is indeed," said the Man. "I'm not strong on history myself, but upon my soul it is astonishing to see anyone who hadn't heard of Napoleon let alone two people who hadn't. "Yes," he went on, "they're a couple of Tasm'ariian bushmen who had been whacking-- some tall vegetables down * for a relation of mine. On pay-d'ty ( the two of them sidled into his sitting i room like bad boys, and one got his "^ optics fixed on a picture of Nap on the Bellerophon. ' 'Go's that joker? 1 he at length asked the good wife When she realised it wasn't a joke she nearly dropped the teapot. 'That's Napoleon Bonaparte,' she said. •-; 'Ph,' says the bushman, "c's thinkin' some, eh'"' "That's hard to believe,* 'we Viid "but.it would have been an interesting yarn for those two' 1 if 'they'd h P iH what the Man of Destiny's life w\ S " "It was," ; sai# the Man. "The7 ex plained the picture and (what Nan wa <. •thinkin" of and-.it.hadmose two Takers thi'nkin' too. U But It* hard to sea two men like that, 'Trijth> it makesyou think free;^ed.ucatipn is the stuff to .give 'em all riglxt,"- : ■