The Critic

NZ Truth, Issue 985, 11 October 1924, Page 1

The Critic

"Grave charges. Alleged breaches of trust." This frequently-seen heading m the papers would be much more common if graves could speak. Golf-bags on the front porch are an indication that there are weeds m the garden — or that a gardener is employed. It is a mistake to think that swelled head is a proof of big brains. An inspired correspondent suggests that the best way to reduce' naval armaments quickly is to have another big war— quickly.

"Unpromising outlook." "Critic" will guarantee that this newspaper heading didn't appear over a "Wanted to Sell" advertisement. The wages of justice (according to the Magistrates) are not just wages. Or, at the best, they are just wages — no more! , :: :: :: Ah well, everybody that dies leaves lets of money — usually someone else's. "Critic's" correspondence would be lighter if people who^ think .they have poetry m them would only let it remain where it is.

Money may be the enemy of man, but a lot of people obey the injunction to "Love thine enemy." America is determined to make up her own mind m international affairs. The trouble, is ■> that it takes her so long to do so — two years m the ca&e' of the Great War. Her own history tells us that although she was at first "too proud to ' fight" she afterwards won the fight. Incidentally, she won a tidy few millions of dollars. The chorus girl Who never gets a speaking part can console herself with the thought that she is too beautiful for words. v :? '•* It is foolish to have an empty bedroom m your house unless you are fond of visitors. Yet, if you haven't the spare room one of the kids has got to be turned out or be doublebanked with another. Couldn't some of the millions (sterling) that the British Government is prepared to see lent to the Russian Soviet be utilised m solving the problem of the unemployed m Britain? : : " ■■■■:: If the member of Parliament calls himself a Progressive (with a capital "p") you should remember that capital is usually associated with conservatism However, Capital loses its obnoxiousness if you possess more of it as the years progress. America is said to have too much gold. But just look at the number of dentists who have.to besupplied. The. doctor's advice is often more agreeable than his medicine. _ Here i is an important item, clipped from a daily, and typicalof the one, two, three or four-line pars used to fill. up the bottom of columns: . White cats, if they have blue 'eyes,' are almost always deaf. A well-known Nelson hotelkeeper has : a standing advertisement m a Westport paper, m which, just above his name, is included the announcement: False teeth purchased, any condition. Pre-war preferred. Apparently there is not so much money made by l licensees; as is generally; thought, if dealing m second-hand molars is taken on as a sideline. Or has the printer-man inserted the. teeth m the wrong p (a) late?

It is a good sign to see an employer who feels for his employee — so long a3 he feels m his own pockets. When the possibility of Gisborne's Lysnar (M.P.) joining up with • the Labor Party was jokingly referred to m Parliament, a Labor member fervently ejaculated: "God forbid!" "Critic" has no doubt that the prayer will be answered' satisfactorily to all concerned. Some lawyers know how to extort money without running the risk of being prosecuted for blackmail. Others don't. But most of them know, how to extort. * I Unfortunately, and of course, wellmannered people are not common. When the professional men charge dearly for their services you must remember that it costs a lot of money to enable them to qualify to be able to practice. In some cases, of course, the qualifying act has been money wasted — as is the cost of consulting them. It is anomalous that some men can qualify without being qualified. The man who . professes to be particularly clever rarely deceives anyone — unless it be himself. You can't beat nagging for making love lagging. !! :: :: How seldom one hears nowadays of the "bouncing" baby. Shall we blame the pneumatic-tyred pram? Although more and more apples are eaten every year, doctors still seem to be doing a thriving business. A 'presumably lovelorn loon asks "Critic" if there is any cure for incurable love. The best cure is the registrar's office or, if you' are a strict churchgoer, a celebration by your favorite spiritual adviser. The less change there is m fashions, the more there is m dad's pocket. In bridge three diamonds beat two hearts, but m the game of life three diamonds often make two hearts beat as one. We are told that the ancient Egyptians 'used to do knitting. Now one comes 1 to think of it, it is known that the Pharaohs often used to lose their wool! : ' '