THE CRITIG

NZ Truth, Issue 931, 29 September 1923, Page 1

THE CRITIG

Life: School tablets;. Aspro tablets: marble tablets. "Movements •of . Ministers." — Surely this is going into too. much detail! "Mining Stoppage. No change on Wfest Coast"— But you can't expect to have any change if you don't work. • :: :: :: Spain's new Premier promises to hang profiteers. Is there any profit here? asks tho profiteer. — High Court m Perth has declared that a 'Japanese born m Japan is a native bf Japan. Who said the Low is a hass? " No heed for "Made In Japan" labels m Perth. Amundsen is going to make another attempt to fly across the North Pole.. Looks as though he won't rest content until he is up the pole. It wafc' outrageous^that the Arncliffe murderer Puddifoot, a youthful sexual degenerate who murdered a /small boy; should receive only three, years* imprisonment. Three years- for Puddifoot. But Pussyfoot 13 'Etill at liberty opposing liberty, " Horrible thing about that' English Mayor who suioided on his wedding night is that his idea that he was "unfit for marriage" was only "a fatal delusion." *:: :■ *t " „^,s: "What Is MusaoHnl? 'Doesn't Know Himself." SO' declareth. a cable. "Critic"' ls prepared to lend our fingerprint experts on reasonable terms. Everyj time. Pampas Bull Firpo appears m- New? York "m his gaudy rao'car /Mi traffic Jam occurs." They should try one of our New Zealand all-fruif jams which quickly disappear once they are dished. w ; - • • ; . . . 3;> 3 "Sydney Harbor'a Bridge^— Yes, and far worse games. *C~" "A Newsiess City." state the American cables about the press strike m N'Yark. Nothing dreadful, but libellous if that "N" m the heading had been dropped. . Sit ,. New rulers m Spain are said to have taken "Summary action." Wo wouldn't mind the weather-dispensers following suit here. • ♦ • . • • • - A London sensation emphasises that bridegrooms who discover on their wedding night that they are unfit to be married and . then commit suicide would live longer if they remained m blissful .ignorance. Too many are like the soap advertisement: "They won't be happy till they get it." They get it and are still unhappy. Government control of the Kentish hopflelds has resulted m a "shortage of hops." "Critic" is not surprised at the failure of Government control, but tears an increase m cabaret canoodling and shilling hop huggings to make up for the shortage. ■ . . r: ss :s It is proposed to replace the mark m Germany by the "Bodenmark," a new currency.. Does this bode any good — will it hit the mark? :: :: :: ; A daily paper's typo, error which recorded that last Monday was the 17th anniversary of New Zealand being elevated to the status of a Domion was not really wrong. We domion much and the Government also don't mind, for the Dominion Day holiday m State offices is to.be cut out next year. . :: i: :: Who said courtesy wae doad? "Critic" bought a stamp at the Post Office the other day and the clerk said •Thank you." It was a lady clerk. » : ti J J The tailor who charges too much per suit haa often to go m pursuit before he is paid. : :: :: :i Cables announce that ex-German Chancellor Wirth has obtained a big concession from the Soviet — the exploitation of over a million desiatlns of foreßt, etc., etc. Another win for Ford I So many millions desire tins. The finding of the body of an old man below a bridge at Auckland proves what a deadly game it is. Sir Harry Lauder told "Critic" he thought it was not fair to accuse the Scots of. being closo. Ho did not claim they were unduly generous, but thought they were Just the happy mean. :: :: :t In certain parts of Southern India, which have tho lowest death-rate, there is only one doctor to every million people. We reluctantly refrain from comment, except to say that perhaps they have some Hlckaons there. SJ !! t» After beating tho Ausslos. Wnirampa do not want to crow too much about their athletes. A team of four men from Wellington went up there during a recent week-end and slathered the Wairarnpn. champions up a tre.it — at ping-pong. • * '- : : : Dr. French Oliver Bockod it Into Jnpan, whoro tho earthquake comos from, and into New Zealand, where even tho snoop and hor«cß Kumbol, for their wickedness m high places. Th«j Olivcrlan conviction (not theory, if you please) is that Japan ha*» mnd«» the oarth tremble into Judgment through sheer wickedness. "There roust be a change," said Doc, m his latest denunciation at Pulmorston North. The Oliverian reportor, who has no sonflo of humor, concluded his report m tho "Standard": "Tho appeal brought a number to decision for Chrint. Mr. Codarholm nang with power, 'No Room m Hcavon.' " No room, after «4H

"Wanganui Chronicle" heading:) "Who won the war?^ Search me. If we are to. believe the unco* guioV the rising generation is sinking. We wouldn't have many big-divi-dend-paying companies if watering the. stock dissolved them. . :: :: . ;s . ••One of our girl friends said, she wasn't .keen on marrying because -her husband might snore. But how lfl she going- to find one that doesn't? ' Get rid of the pennies and the pounds will get rid of themselves. "Among, the wilder tribes of the 1 Caucasus every child is. taught to use ° the dagger, almost as soon as he can walk." . "Critic" considers that all healthy, children should be well armed. :: . . :: . .:: . A -Wellington daily has discovered a man who had "a widow two half sisters seven sAna.and four daughters by his first wife." "Critic" thought that a man who had a widow would have had more sense . Our Priminister wo are. again reminded, .is ( .the only surviving War Premier . to', attend the Imperial Conference. A case of "the^survlval of the fattest.'! . : s ! : : : • In the spring a young man's fancy, based on "Form at a Glance," is often "aIBO started." :: :: :: . "Critic" was persuaded to attend a golf match He couldn't help wondering -why some of the players didn't do their digging at home and raiso I vegetables instead of raisins: Cain on the links. :: :s ;: Newspaper heading: '^London man claims a. slice of New York." Without a drink, to go with it it should be very unappetising. , Germany has not quite completed preparations to avoid reparation. i Religion m schools has been made , compulsory m Italy, where the Mussolinlans worship the rattle of the sabre. I :t :: :: The hospital patient— ln hospital for the first time — who had his temperature taken by the nurse three times, '■ and who mentioned to. the doctor that ho had been given nothing to eat | "except a piece of glass to suck," has "Critics* sympathy. About these railway accidents: Bear m mind that there are few matters so urgent that they can't wait .till the tram gets past the crossing. "Painless- dentistry for dogs" is announced; •• • We don't want to be selfish, but why not give us tho painless act? Perhaps it is only a case of "trying it on the dog." :: .:: :: Says a Yankee paper: "Preserving the bills of fare of dinners she has enjoyed is the fad of one Chicago woman, who has nearly 4000 m her collection,'' It won't go down. t: ti it Undoubtedly the cable men did not send us the spiciest details m connection with the shooting of Fahmy Bey by his wife m the Savoy Hotel, London, but "Critic" fails to see any Justification for a recewt issue of a Manawatu paper describing it as the "Savory I Hotel Tragedy." :: :: :! Dunodln's twinkling "Star": "In a Nutshell.— Anniversaries: 1808, William the Conqueror died." It's a pity William the Conqueror" didn't live another century while he was about it, so that he could have seen how he waa overshadowed by our own William. it :: :: Egyptian Nationalist leader lv pratIng platitudinally about the "•aorod union of Cross and Crescent m Egypt." No doubt with his tongue m his cheek as he thinks of the easiness of dlvoroe. ,:r :: i: THE GREYBEARD'S GOSPEL* ["When I was a boy the Sabbath was strictly observed and recreation was looked upon as something very awful," said a member of a South Island Bowling Club, when a proposal to play , bowls on Sunday was being discussed.], When a man gets on and the year! go by, He's over the fifties, say, He will throw up his hands and will heave a sigh At all that wo do to-day. The jazz is wrong, And tho Dixio song, Can bring not the slightest Joy, For the world's gone wrong with Itamerry throng Since he waa a beaming boy. Should we tako the glad fK>na the eyea of youth, (Satan, they call her. In silk). They will closo their eyes and cry forsooth Will tho killjoy and his ilk. And tho v«nom wrung From tho pious tongue Will darken tho blackest pagro, For virtue* Jfono with tho hymns they sun it When they were of tender age. Let tho killjoy mutter and shake hi» head And advocato paltry restraints, As he drearily talks of the days now dead When sinners were labelled saint*. Youth, take your fling, Love, dance, and ninjr; Though the wowuer worry so, He wan probably quite a gay youn* thing In the day* of lonf aco. — *M>.