THE CRITIC

NZ Truth, Issue 889, 9 December 1922, Page 1

THE CRITIC

The. height of fashion I—to1 — to wear the \ gown remarkably low. The city's statuesque living beauties seem to attract more attention than the few beautiful dead statuary. Many students drink coffee at night to keep them' awake. Pity a lot of them don't drink it m the morning. . :: :: • • •■■--.■ A message sl comes .. from New Yark C'ty that, the jazz is officially banned. The news has been received quietly. !: ■ ■ '.: : :: If long skirts start to come back they are sure to gain ground — also ordinary dirt and microbes. ' w • '• :i :: Imagination is ,a great asset to the amateur gardener— also to the amateur fisherman, s^ Charity covers, a multitude of sins, but it isn't m the same class as the war. Certain animals never sit down, we are told. But we don't need to be told.. Look at our suburban trams at rush hours. x: :>'.• :: ■ ,:: , If America doesn't drink strong juice what. hope is there of John Bull getting, a, tight alliance with Uncle Sam? it r :» v '■•■' "I pi up my hand," said a policeman m the Court "and the car stopped dead." Another illustration of the problem of what happens when an irrealstiblo . force meeto an immovable bod ■■■■•" '■■■■■ ' :: :j it A German scientist has discovered a method of making Imitation coal. Who says the Germans are a progressive nation? "Truth's" coal ealer has been supplying him with the stuff for years past. War was abolished by the League I of Nations. . Some three-score Peace Congresses and y half a score conflicts have taken place since. Some scorWhy do fashion's garbs make the waiter look so much like the men he waits on that you don't know whether : to tell him the latest club joke or give ! him half a crown? "Heckled Candidate": You must resign yourself to it. If you are wooing your constituents seriously you are obviously anxious to" marry them. Every married man knows what it is •to be heckled or hen-pecked. Be resigned or resign. s: :: i: Organised interruptions remind a "Otitic" contributor that empty vessels make a great noise. But are they always empty, or is 6 o'clock closing becoming like the anti-shouting law of war days? What price Price? Has he got water In his benzine tank and benzine on his brain, or has he got benzino m his motor tank and water on the brain? Give you two guesses. v ■■ ii tt It is said that many hundreds of Ford cars are uded m the bootlegging traffic m the States.' The 'suggestion made by certain lending Prohibitionists is that large numbers of these-ma-chines were kidnapped and trained while young to a life of roguery, t : i : 1 1 One of Wellington's suburban lodges has preaentod its permanent secretary with a silver* mounted liqueur stand as a pleasant little mark of appreciation of hard work over 25 years. Of course there m just a chance that that stand will call back the rood old time*, m more ways than one— after December 7. !'. It II "With reference to ths establishmsnt of a ohronia home for th« patients at Trtntham Hospital. .." snys the Wellington "Post." Well, why refer to the establishment of anything chronic except m terms of scoff and indefinite postponement? Those poor devils out at Trentham deßerve something better than a chronic hospital. >- i: :: f .J "An " ordinary, normal woman's heart," salh an asylum doctor m the Court the rolher day, "should weigh from Bto 10 o/.5." That, of course, does not refer to times when hubby is on. the drunk, or for that 'matter when 'she m trying on hats. , n ~ :: ** Instructive .advertisement from Japanese paper: Wanted — An instructor to teach Isaac Pitman shorthand. Lummo, we thought he knew it long before he died. »: :» '•«' "Frank Doe" writes: "Business takes precedence on nt least one farm homestead In the Far North. Willie and Lily wore married because their mothers manoeuvred the match. Wlllio had hJ« own section and his ma judged that it wo* not good for him j to live ulone. She told him plainly | that it wim ot tsoo<\ tor hlrri y to Jlv* alone. Sho told him plainly that* It was tlmo ho bought a now pair of boots ami pot married. ** the marriasc eventuated. T<rn mimiU'X after the 'quiet but pretty* pun of tho j bunlness, Willie llred nwny his old pair | of boots and sat down to the wedding spree. With many enthusiastic I friend* they romped about until even- j ing. when the nowly.-wcds wore lifted into a eU: and urged away under a ! ahower of tins and old shoes. On ' roachlnß tho farm eato Willie un- 1 burdened himself: 'Yor can go back , home now, Lily, and I'll oomo ovor for yer m the nornln'. I got two oows calving to-night.'"

.The "Daily Mail" a heading: ,\ HAMLET ENGULFED IN MTJD JElas no reference to the Allan WHklq' Shakespearean season. • 1 That technical Trade journal the "Trades Estate" has a full report of a case- entitled v ........,-.- "TRESPASS ON A WELSH RABBIT FARM." No more putting salt 'on their tails. We can imagine the wary poacher stalking the ."Welsh-rabbit" among , the tussocks with a piece of toast m one hand and a Un of mustard m tho pother. ' ~ ; . I ::. :: j: | 'Another illustration of commercial candor comes from a Palmerston paper, which Advertises: 'a Genuine Sale. The first for ten years. I And where are the nine? : : : : : : The statement that the road hog is ■ becoming a rant avis ought to settle for all time the question whether pigs have wings. ■ :j :: :s A country school committee protests against the schools being closed when circuses and members of Parliament visit 'the district. We might make a start by getting the teachers to instruct the children how to dls- . criminate between the two. They- have the hardest part to do. x ti it n What does "Sammy" mean by only devoting two lines to this awful tragedy of the links: "He squared his account with the fates by lying dead at the seventh?" -Sounds like a horrid way of getting even. :: :: :: Fashions m clothes change. Has "M.8.C." overlooked this advertisement, or is the garment unsuitable for feminine attire? WEARING APPAREL. Wanted to sell— Garden Roller, stone, two cwt., delivered freje. No mention is made of the lawn trimmings. it :« :: Reviewing the memoirs of a military man, high In authority, a weekly paper states: A man who had climbed the military ladder from top to bottom must inevitably have strange memories of. men whom he overtook and passed. Reminiscent of Mark Twain's celobrated Colonel who always went into battle urging his men onwards from the rear to see that none hung back and came out., whooping gloriously m • advance of his triumphant army. t: '" :: :t The Catholic clergy of Windy City have made a terrible pronouncement on the Prohibition issue (vide "N.Z. Times" report) : "We strongly urge all Catholics not and costs, In default 14 days' imprlsleague or its members." This, we presume, is m code.. That's the stuff to give 'em, anyway, if they vote Prohibition. Auckland "Herald" states that "Two prominent members of Adley Pasha's ' Egyptian executive were shot by native gunmen. One is m a grave condition." Probably the other, will aoon peg out his six by two perpetual leass allotment. ti :t :: "New Zealand Times" optimistically opines that "the reduction m wages la m accordance with tho cost-of-loving bonus reduction." With stern Magistrates upon the Bench those days this journal has not notioftd that "the cost-of-loving" rsduation has m any way whatever Justified a dsortase m wages. Rathsr the contrary* It is an oxpsn* sive luxury. it It ii KEEPING TABS. t'lV* a woman's prlvilego to see that a man keeps straight." — Aunt Tabby, on "Keeping Tabs.") I hate the lady m the upstairs flat; She always Booms to know what I've been at. • If I come strolling home at half-past three She always nays: "I told you how 'twould bo." I hate tho lady m tho upstairs flat; She knows I'd elghteenpenco on Prln- » t cess Pat. — • Shisuys: "I always knew ho was a 'gambler— The horrid, wicked, naughty, crimson rambler." I hate the lady m the upstairs flat; She knows when I am standing on th« mat Engaged m arguing with a perverss latch-key: And says you'd have to go aflold to match me. I hate the lady In tho upstairs Hat; She always gets my wlckot oft my bat; She knows my homeward Journoy by 4 tho Sb, Tho slnuoutmoHS of'whlch sho always HtreHHoa. I hate tho fculy m the upstairs flat; She's nlwaya putting fire to my fat. Sho knows 1 <tld not spund that quid on ffowcr» — Sho knows who occupied my evening hours. But still the lady m the upntntra flat Has lots to growl at, underneath the hat. I'd hate our Intercourse to turn to strife— Bm&um, you see, tfc« tady l$ my wif«