INVERCARGILL INCIDENTS

NZ Truth, Issue 511, 3 April 1915, Page 8

INVERCARGILL INCIDENTS

Devious Doings, Damsels, and Diehards

Where did the bookie's tart m the dry town get the 10 guinea feather? The beaks have a strange way of sleeping-in down this way. "Truth" blew into Court last week at the official time and found nobody on the Bench, but a buck pussy cat. However, it happened m our curiosity we-discov-ered a lump of lace behind their Worship's sanctum. Perhaps it was the remnant of a Jay Pay's night shirt. Praps! '# # * When "Truth" again visited the Court at 11 a.m. their Worships'' toes were still turned up. It was Cup week— and we can understands * * # It wouldn't do any harm to some of the parsons if they plugged themselves with whisky. Some of the most woeful and sorrowful dials m Invercargill are parsonical ones. Gorlumme! What are they doing with 'em? Banging billies or beer bottles? * * # Tapping about dials, the most respectable one that came under our cynical observation was that of Mr. Duncan McFarlane*. Old "Duncay" has a generous expanse of feature, and a circumnavigating wealth of whiskers that would do justice to another Rip Van Winkle. "Duncay" is a good sort and a very popular mayor. • # # If anyone wishes to see the grandest architecture and cleanest pf breweries, let him . have a squint af Roopes and Whittinghams. Truly the beer that pours forth from these magnificent concerns must truly be — nectar fit for the gods. Theirs are the breweries just over the boundary from the city, and look lovely and smell sweetly. • •■#" Inverkegville may be a dry and pious town. The latter fact is apparent, as sour looking, long nosed parsons are everywhere. The dryness is so far apparent as you can rise a beer and a whisky anywhere for a bob a time. Little wonder so many sodden souls were observable bobbing along. * ' # • 'Tec Cameron is the big man and really great man of the Invercargill town. There's a Melbourne touch about him that's pleasanter to look at than feel. He has a keen scent and his tendency for successful tracking .is damnably dangerous. * • • *.- The sensation of racing -week was the arrival m the dry town of Mr. J. Blundell, of the Windy Town " 'Split' - Post." We did not see "Blundy" at the races, however. ♦ • « The greatest thing that happened for some time was the V.M.C.A, garden fete — only it was marred by a sad accident, which considerably interfered with the gate, and the ultimate succ.ess of the gathering. All the young and old wowsers were there, and there was a bulldog m the dining-room looking out through the' window at tho select company gambolling on the lovely lawn. ♦ # # Now the bully had the very devil of a temper, which quite explains the isolation of his position. In the course of tho day a lady and her pet pup came to the fete. Bully m the dining-room soon spotted his intrusive brother on tlfe lawn, and, by dent of huge exertion with his nose, he raised the window sufficiently high as to facilitate his exit. Very quickly there was the .very devil of a dog fight, and the lovely sheraale m sheer fright, planted her white-laced storn on the green grass. Several old parsons turned acrobats suddenly; und Mrs So-and So and Mrs. Yes-Yes 'fell into "Mr. Snuffs" and "Perky Dlddles's" welcome arms. The tea was upset, milk was spilt, and the tarts became Jam rolls, and the jam rolls mere greasy spots. Still, the damn canines fought on, and the shemales screeched. • • • A fat lady ran for her parasol to prod the brutes, but, Inadvertently, no doubt, Bhe stuck it m a rival fat woman's blngey, and In a wink there were two fat legs and an immense pair of trilbies beseeching the heavens, ♦ ♦ ♦ The collapses, caterwauling and commotion were frightful; and "Perky Diddles," with a sandwich m his facial aperture and glass m his eye, hawhawed about the flre brigade and the cops. Meantime the damn dogs battled on, but the bullio was getting the worst of it. The collie or mongrel, or whatever it was, had seized bullie by the throat, and amid the horrified ejaculations of the parsons, and bullle's own lugubrious howls, our friend of the dining room got swung round and round, till he saw ' more wowsers around him than there are stars m the heavens. The mongrel then dropped him, and seized him by the belly (a most delicate and vulnerable quarter). This brought matters to a climax, but not before the garden feto collapsed. • • * Bullio now lies m a precarious condition, and the V.M.C.A. are blessing women and dogs.