THREE PESTILENT PEES:

NZ Truth, Issue 509, 20 March 1915, Page 2

THREE PESTILENT PEES:

j PARLIAMENT, PRESS; AND PULPIT: ■ OR, PARUPESTS, PENPESTS, AND PULPESTS.

I ..„ No. X.~PARUP,ESTS (8)r I've been told several things about the lawyer chap Beeby since the' appeaY-' ance of .'my reference to him m last week's Parlipest'pistle, 'Which ended ' thus: — ' • ' " '"■--■ ■ •. We -would willingly extend this ' Parii'pistle to deal with the political peradyentures of that Parliamentary Perhapser, "Blowfly" Beeby, whose failure to boss the Laaor Party led him to try the Third ' ■*' Party Trick, which resulted m the >' Blowfly himself being badly blown " out. ' But-' 1 - Beeby is so choice arid amusing: a specimen of the Parlipest as to. deserve a whale 'pistle ,• next idsue if I'm alive m -this and not dead m the next -world — "Lord, I spare-me days!" - . ■ *•"#■■ # # ■■'•"' 'Beeby,- as reported, resents. the term, of Blowfly being "applied to him m his political capacity, and tnreaiens to > blow me out m an action 'for "defor-* niation of karacther" if I'm not careful of the way m which., l jgo, about, per- ! forming m this 'pistle the promise made In the' paragraph of last • preceding 'pistle above quoted. Well, if . Beoby be breathing ' threatenings and slaughter, all I care to say to Beeby m that connection is "Beeby be blowed!" I'd be almost as pleased that Beeby should try to take a fall out of "Truth", m the Law Cpurts, as that St. "Deanish" Meaghef or Wily .Willie. Holman "should tackle the same job m the same plaae, on similar grounds. „, .. ■ ■ ■ - * • ■..*'.- :* . ....-■ I would not, however, be understood as classifying .Beeby in,,t}ie. same category as Premier Holman or "Speaker" Meagher, because Beeby has never been, charged, tried, and convicted before a judge and jury of a criminal offence.,. But if, as is alleged, Beeby is offended at being v designated 'IBlowfly Beeby," m a. political sense, what would he say at being dubbed a shark, or one of "the Devil's brigade," In .his professional - capacity? What, too, would 'Becky* say of Dr. Johnson's syllogisticdl definition of 1 a patriot? Here it isV Patriotism, the [ast refuge of a scoundrel; a'scoundrel" is a patriot; 'ergo, a patriot is a scoundrel, "quod erat' demonstrandum" —what could be plainer? ' Nothing— except it be Beeby's barnacles,-buck-teeth, and bluff. „••' *. ■'•. ' -.'-* „ •< -, I .Among the many things we could, an we would orlticise benevolent Blowfly Beeby about, are complaints concerning, his professional transactions with Trade Unions as their paid legal ad r viser and advocate, and his dobjings with certain individual Trade Unionists. Some of these, complaints^ are m writing, and include some of Beoby's own beautiful "Lawyer's letters* I . Trade Union resolutions, and "Han-r sard" reports of Parliamentary- pro-: i ceedtngs; It igHiot? -intended' to imply anything here against. Beeby's personal or professional probity, but merely; to insinuate by the most .. insidious, of in-, nuendoes that Beeby is -not- a ppHtlco.l philanthropist or legal loyer qf his kind any more than any other, .professional pald-Pat-fee-snarlng-solicitor. , Lawyers are sometimes sneering^ .called sharks, because they . seek and snavel fees with all the avidity of the . : seasharks seizing on a bait m the shape of a piece of salt pork. ; ■ '« '- # • Beeby deserves the name of Blowfly both m a political and professional sense, because of the buzriacklng persistency with which he^-has- bellowed and bawled, caballed and connived for place and pay m both his highly honorable and respectable chosen capacities as a paid patriot and "a gentleman by Aot of Parliament"'— alia- same a' Mr. "Deanish" was once, and would be again, and will be if St. "Deanish" doesn't lose his saintly sectarian grip of the Labor Caucus and Conference.

Beeb-yi-has-bagged ■ moxe-'-buncejia^ ..ih^ shape of fees and costs from Labor lawyerising than any \ other political lawyer who has eye,r managed to get his, politico-professional, clutch upon-. the. carcass «.of Liabor.'.; ' r ; * ■ . ..■';,.# .•■'■.."■: *' r *..* : V ■■'":•'•■?'•. Why," -then,- should good; brother. See^-, by bo. .wrath, at being lUcened to "the 1 : Blowfly, ftas he not buzzed and boomed abput.like^i buzzing, bluebottle bird--ling abound the' block of ' a butcher's shop? t Hasn'fr 'he. alighted on some; -oft the! choicest and juiciest joints m the Parliamentary' artdj'jegal;">branches of th^politic i albutch"e*r's^ shop, first m the shape of parff" : pj^.e*'as#tp.&y' ahdv ; then ( as the holder cijj.g^j^rti^lexlt&l portfolio, with a fat sal^ty^^P^. together"with, plentitudjftotfe V"'p.er/t^ sltes .' and pickings? Last^feufrriiy. nd means the' least, bUslb^bS^e.-<3ojjs|>;ed .by^benevo- , lent b^ieflce'nt^Ve^y^^.^ti^i'iu' the" cages m: the. Industrial and -other; courts which Beeby/s patriotic position m the Labor Party Tirought to Beeby*s firm of Brown and Beeby — Brown and Beeby as advisers, Beeby of Brown and Beeby actiagas advocate under the solickorial^. auspices of Brown arid Beeby. ' ' " -;# v .--Vv ;■■#'• • ■ ■■•- .. * „:.'•• ■ Was it not Brown and Beeby who calculated and charged the"* solicitor's costsj, aiu^j.eoimsellß fees? v Browri and % Be6bj^jgiust>.e|ther have' separatejL the, costii^rom ?tne Ifees,..Brojyn, coppirig^th£ 'cost&;an4. ? B^pby bagging,, the or; Brow a. and. jSeepy .lovingly. Lumped, thej lot, so that 4wwn and Beeby coviYd, as; lovingly share and share alike pr duly ' divide, became a ..dye ..recognition 'of the .rds'p^ctlv^;, Services «x)£. Brown ...and • Beebyv j n bringing Xabpr.. grist, to Brown and. .Seiko's feg^l" rnjil, *an,4 with due', je^ gara.^^.^p^^^own ,, as ..l^or miller. of,_Browh ,and Bee,by's, law mill,. and,sie, ability of. Beeby as a grist grin,^r. i fo^ißrp^,an^;.Be.eljy, in^he. courts of law and. ( P^rliamqnt A jnpst convenient ami .commendable 'comprehensive system of expecuttously doing business for Labor v ahd for providing costs for .Brown , and' fees for Beeby, and- bunco for both. . . * . : • '* ; *\ ' - ' The, methods of business of Brown and Beeby were a great improvement on the 'plan pursued by the highly-' respectable splicitorial firm of Spenlow' and vbrktns, made celebrated, by pickens, m.: ''Nichqins' Nickleby."'. .' Browii and Bfeeby made no mystery about ,tii£ir partnership, nor did Brown put '*up* Beeby as a bogey to bamboozle clients; any more thaji Beeby put up Brown as ? a sort of sqarecrow Jorktns, in 'order .to bluff; 'em ' off, as did the sly Spenlow wh'6ii" ho could be rid of worrj/soni£ litigants;,, with the problematical mood of 'awful partner, "wich 'is name was" ' Jorkiris. No, no. Brown anil Bei^by went well m harnessj both ,w<Jre whe.eler^ 'and "werry willlri'. " 'm. the. traces, r HS r 6ld' Tony Roller 'would put* it, pulling weir and' string," clo&S'up'ft? the .collar, tug for ftug^-Brown" '•• never b?hjnd t ßeeby K "you .bet yer hat," bu£ BecbV^never being behind Brown, "you." bet y 'yer! bpttom^dpllar!" . . ... ..'■:' '• •• • " ■■*•-. '■*- y r.;:\'. Beeby was always on the job. where the "gonce (l was to be- got; i and he'd have to be a very swift sort of solicitor who could beat Beeby m a canter -for the-costs,. and a very: fleet- footed spr la- , tor v/ho'd get ahead of Beeby; 4n a flutter for the foes. But what hag 'the pub|it};;to do with .Brown and ;Becby twain-,- .cither tis legal twins •or ; with Bepby- "on his own" . as a philopoUtl- < colegal Lover of Labor and of Lawful Lucre, or with Beeby as Brown's co--partneral or co-operator- and barristerial backer? Little, or nothing. at all. These ,aro matters which, strictly speaking, concern only Beeby— and Beeby's Labor clients. If Beeby's Labor qlients arc satisfied, then, "a fortiori," .ought Beeby to be satisfied, .too,

and. so ' there's " no more to be said about Beeby under that head. ** * ; 1 Sinse Sunday last I've had an opportunity, of looking through-the bound, volumes of "Truth" for 1912. Under date November 17 of that year, I find an article written by me (a few weeks, after my ;i return.with my niece from my. last trip to Europe). It is, significant.-, ly enough, ca-ptiohed, MR. 'MINISTER "BY-ENDS" BEEBY. BEATIFICATION OR* DAMNATION? I am pleased to remember thai! I was pleased with that article, not so.: much because ,it pleased a -large portion of the public, but becaiise it appealed to : me as a professional publicist as one of the most perfectly polite and placatpry pieces of vpoignant- political, .pillorying ever penned and published m the press. =» * * The article was a real Nortonic. It was written^ aboard 'ship, en route from- : Brisbane to Sydney ;"aiid v Beeby must really have 'thought" ' tliat he'd been etruclc by a "southerly buster, or by' a shot' from ttie'Nortohfeldt'gun. I think [ must' f have ! struck Beeby's buccaneer' " bark well below the " water-line, as it failed to reach the point Beeby was steering for— "the top of the poll." Beeby's Third Party Tub foundered m the .bourgeois breakers of Waverley, where Beeby was badly beaten by a y ' Labor lugger bearing a funii>\ foreign-' , sounding sort o* name, something '. lilte Tintagei; Tlnkernagel, or Tinkeltangel. I'd like to publish the article m its entirety were .Beeby , big enough or dangerous enough "to warrant it. But .BeebySvas badly ; biown out at the ensuing General Election; the Labor Elec-. tors, of Waverley "wiped the floor" with. rhim,'. and,' then '.'bashed his political brains out of 'the : ballot box": — to borrow one of .the many forceful Parliamentary phrases of the late, A. G. "Taylor. When, that article was written,' Beeby, after hanging on as long as decency and his '. "conscience" permitted, had resigned • his portfolio m the Mctiowen Labor : Ministry; a General Election was imtoinejat, and Beeby was running: up and down throughout the land- trying tq play- the Third Party Trick, with the secret approval, if not the open support, r of the bosses of the.-Pfutish Press.- They hoped to see the Labor Party split, - side-tracked, and silenced by Beeby and his bunkumitish- bawlings. ;•...: ' "•■ ■ # «' •. l # ■" •■■:-# ■ . '-■ ■ But it was not Labor, but Beeby that" was laid out, Btunhed, and Btlff; ( and stiff, if not stunned, Beeby's been ever since, politically speaking. I'm not proud, but simply pleased, at ; the thought that -the article above alluded to had nothing to do with the "solar plexuslhg" of this sly Three Party Trickster.- He' once played a dirty trick on me. It was during the' contest ! at Cootamundra, to which I had chal- ■ lenged his Labor colleague, Holman, ■ oVfer the- categorical charges of Parliamentary corruption t.hatl made against Wily Willie m Parliament, on the'piib- . lie blatfprm, in' 'the press, and m the more formal , and solemn way of affl- • davits, which were' published without protection ,of Parliamentary or any other kind of privilege.' ' . ' , ' * . #, . • Although I've long since * forgiven Beeby for the. blackguardly, trick he played me then,^Beeby, ( must not blame; me U.^'ve too good a, memory, not !to,. have forgotten it. ( --J always forget if. l, can,, and. try , to forgive the wrongs that bad men— like Beeby^waa then.-T-do.me, and . w.om^n*". too— sometimes ! /'To err is huma^l.toj.'fprgive divine." Never- ." theless and notwithstanding the . goodness of .forgiveness, L. can't forgot the, vengeful words, that,^Byron. puts into, the mouth of his murderously maltreat-, . ed Mazeppa, who, as the result of the cruel persecution ho sustained at the hands ,ol his. Polish, countrymen, became the Hetman or Prince of the Cos- ' sacks of the Don In the Ukraine. Here, are the words specially • published for the benefit of .Beeby, and as a warning to all others who would be Beebys: — , They played me then a bitter prank, When, with the wild horse for my guide, They bound me to his foaming flank; At length I played them one as frank — For time at last sets all things "even — And if we do but watch tho hour, Thero never yet was human power Which could evade, if unforglven, The patient search and vigil long Of him who treasures up v wrong. !v• ' • • I had intended to make a few ■exierpts from the "By-Ends" Beeby arIcle herein cited: but why flog a <_jad lonkey? Beeby's politically dead; why •esurrect him? Besides, I really boar looby no malice; nor do T harbor an >ld grudge against him. Beeby Ims drains, and had he not been a lucre- ; loving lawyer, he might have made a good Lab. or Lib. Member and Minlsj ten Perhaps Beeby's politically ponli tent for past misdeeds. He may come igain and convince tho public that his jonitenco is sincere, and be given anDther chance to go straight. If the Jarmichaels, tho Holmans, and, abovo Ul, the "Deanish" Meaghers are to be . olerated and given a trial m spite of -, .heir crooked careers and black records, surely a Beeby may hope to be given v second chance! • • • .. • Beeby ljas brains. The fact that ho has made bad use of them m tho past la no proof that -ho would not put them to better uso m, future. Besides, is not *.he forgiveness of Boebys enjoined m Lho Blessed Book? Certainly; hero's tho citation, chapter and verso, In Lutln and English, and m our Lord's own v/ords: — Tune accedens Potrus ad cum, dixlt; Domino quoties peccablt m me frater meus, et demlttnm el? . Dlcl 1111 Jesus: Non dlco Übl usque Boptles: sod usquo scptuagloa septlefl — Evnngellum Secundum Matthaoum: Caput XVIII. — 20. 21— Biblla Sacra, Vulguto EditlonlH: A. D.D. 'archloplscopo Parisionsl Approbatu. Then en me Petor to him, and said, > Lord, how oft shall my brother sin ugulnst me, and I forgive him? till seven times? Jesus sftith unto him, I sny noi unto theo, Until aovon times: but until soventy times aoven — Matthew, chnp/.-XVIIF— 2I, 22— English J Jtuthorlsed version. ! » • • I There you- have Josus's own words i from the Latin Vwlgato nnd tho Kngi ll«h translation, the one Kjieclnlly nj>i iiroved by ihu two Pontiffs, und hcuriug tho. Imprimatur of a '-"roach Catholic Archbishop of Paris; the other "airthor.«ed and appointed to l>o road In Churches" by that crapulous, cowardly > Scotchbytoriun King of England, who hl« own matlwr, Mury Queon ot Scots. murticrcO by his predoceauor on j iho throno of Kitglund, thnt parnjion Protcatuni Queen, '.'red-haired, ramp-

ing, rampageous, ripping-up Betsy," Elizabeth — sometimes stigmatisedsneeringly as the "Virgin Queen" — without. his once experiencing. a pang, or making one plea, or uttering a single 'protest for his beautiful, but- unfortunate, mother — the servile, slobbering, stuttering scoundrel! * ... * *<- But here, I fear, me, I'm going beyond my Beeby,. whose book, is not so much the Bible as Blackstone, perhaps; pr,as his Bill of* Costs' ' Book, certainly. Therefore, I'll merely call to his mind that the principal plea m pur Lord's Prayer is for the forgiveness of our enemies or debtors or those -who transgress against us. I only bring these passages of. the Blessed Book to Bee-, by*s notice to show Beeby how .sincerely.. -I forgive Beeby his. cowardly Cootamundra capers. He may consider him- . self lightly let off at being thus freely, tully, and frankly forgiven by one, whom, he had -wronged, but who had done . him no .wrong, but rather had helped him at the special >request .of. Premier Holman, when<he. Beeby -and Holman, were,at the threshhold of theus Parliamentary careers. ■ ...- --• -. ;•- -.■#>. •■• ■■■•# -# ■ ..- ■ ■ . Beeby may affect not to remember the service he then sought, and which • I rendered. But let Beeby beware t>l denying the fact. If Beeby dares to publicly deny it, I'll jog Beeby's memory m a way that will .shake Beeby's molars Idosein their sockets, 'and mako' Beeby wish Beeby hati a better memory and a stiller tongue. By-bye," bad boy, Beeby'; try "to'be" and* do better. Peradventure, Beeby, if- he proves to be a good° boy m future, Beeby may yet have a chance to re-enter the Parliamontary Paradise of all professional paid Pats, on which Beeby is believed still to keep his glass-glazed glims longingly fixed. JOHN NORTON. Scott's Hotel, » ■ Melbourne," - ' Thursday, . ■ > February 25th, 1916, ..Feast of St. Walburga." ' He said to Olgain his dream, "My tomb is trodden under foot. Be assured'that thou shall have a sign that thou hast not dealt well with me? nor with the houso of God which is . thus dishonored."