The Critic.

NZ Truth, Issue 437, 8 November 1913, Page 1

The Critic.

Who can undaunted brave tha Critle's rage, J| Or note unmoved hit mention In tho CrlUc a page, j Parade hla orror In tho public eya, ,1 And Mother Qrundy'a rage dofyT „|

Last week, when a case *«>r i^o breach of o. prohibition order was being heard, Tom Wilford, In an audible aside, interjected, "Many a man will shout a drink when he won't give you a feed." I «• • m j A lady who bought a greyhound i from a country etatlanmastcr. recent- ; ly found the animal to bo a goad one, und wrote Inquiring how It was bred. The utationmasicr. whose Christian name, by the way. happened to be Mike, replied: "Madam. I do not know much about the greyhound, except that he was got by a porter out of a thlrdcla«6 carriage."

! It Is to be hoped. In view of the canary legs which the spill and transparent skirt are nowadays revealing to the multitude, that the shins of the mothers will not be visited /upon the children. • • • "High Court of l*nrllament is acornmon said Solid tor-Gen-eral SaJmond, In his address to the Supremo Court Bench m the BlomOold cartoon case Judg*. Dcnnt<ti_»n objecti«d to the term. Salmond. therefore, substituted, "the judicial functions exercised by the Legislative Council." Verily, a distinction with very little difference.

I The way some of them dress the parts now it ia hard to tell whether the object is a man going golfing or a woman going horserlding. • • • The present gathering of military and special constables ">r. Wellington la an open confession of the frantic, trenxied fear and 't.ry of the few. • • » Punting is a remarkably fascinating same, but it is cftrtain to keep you poor nil your life. It's lima to take a tumble, is it not? • *'.-.»• Murphy, the tramway boss, who Is the cause of the trouble In Dublin, is a Scoto-lrUhmna. The leading newspaper m the city ia hla *-le property. Beside side lines m Paisley and Madrid, and m addition fo hla tramway m the capital of Ireland, he controls also the largest genera' warehouse In that city and the electric supply of m. fashionable suburbs. A thousand hands are picking th* -.>ock*t>i of «h-j Dublin workers: nJn* hundred and ninety-nine of these are controlled by Murphy,

On Sunday night last, m the Opera House, Bob Semplo confessed that he was not a prophet He could not say where Bill Massey would go when he died. But he did know thit the burly Bin would make an ugly picture lv wings. , V , •. '•. Edward Tregear got ono home very neaUy on Sunday night last. He said that m that * untrodden country between the Hutt and Johnsonyille armed bands wero wandering, led' by "bravo" officers who had burned' Boer pianos and ill-treated Boer girls. .• ■.•■.■. ■ * The low-ah orders, you know! A tram conductor informed' "Critic," white travelling down town the other day, that man/ "ladles," dress-circle habitues of ..the Opera House, were In the habit of presenting workmen's tickets when travelling home by the 11 o'clock car. t • ' ■■•'.. '•-,.. Bob Semple told his audience that ■he- knew -"that-, the strong Itnk m the political comlo opera was Herdman* iLbud and prolonged crlea of "Boohool" from ull parts of the vast audience.) He could not say anything too strong against tha man who hoisted the guns on the Post Office Tower. • • • When a few hundred men are killed m a colliery disaster, lTat wrings its liand* and drlbUles out cheques. When the miners want reasonable pfty for ihelr daily juggle with Tenth, they aro unconscionable scou ldrcls. The plnch-penny press dub the rescuer* "heroes", at other, limes they call t ltem wicked agitators, .vrio i*ro endeavoring to clog the wheels of progress, and thus compel 'capital to button up ita pockets tighter than usual. Many yeara ago. on ihe golden coast of the South Island. 'Crltlo" was let* ting himself go m a bar on a Saturday night on Socialism, Free Thought, Home Hule and kindred topics. A whito- headed old miner waa silting In the corner with a pint of beer by his aide. The old chap was a typical Englishman— one who had been .accustomed to touch his hat to the' suutro ami the parson. He listened to •he revolutionary sentiments for some time. At last, unable to bear any more, he jumped to his feet, his eyet» biasing, and said: "Look here, young man, I've listened to the damned rot you've been talking for the last quarter of an hour, rm an old man—oU enough to bo your father. Old as 1 am, 1 y«t believe In the b- Church and the 1>— — Queen." Collapse of "Critic" •* • ■ The sinister prefeaal-m of procuration has been held m abomination from tlnve immemorial, even by those whom the procurer served. Beside the man or woman whose trade lay m the }>anderlng to the lusts of humanity, the public executioner was an esteemed and honored Individual. We have changed with the clotrtging times, however, frame Quickly has serious rivals of fajr greater Intluence and power than she In the market place to-day, Ont is forced to think so, at least, by tht perusal of the following : advertisement In a dally, the facsimile of thousands of its kind which .ippe&r yearly m the great journals of ne.»p«<etablllty—to way nothing of Cant and' Hypocrisy:— Lady housekeeper wanted,— Must be competent, domcsttcau«W and aoetable. Young widow preferred. Ad.trea*. mating twiusand enclosing photograph, "Cherubim/ tins office. U could hardly be put mere plainly. A 10-year-old child could read i*>(w(4U the Un** of that. And >■<_< iournaS* publl*hiJ»ijf *u<)> Adv*^riia«Hi<.nU» pot* m r«*r»gvtts ot purity and prd- i pricty. m-ni

The cheapest bit of jeweUery to carry about Is a. "ring" Jn the ear. ; - i ""* : ' ;-* : p7y /*;■*:.^7 .:<i':i&~*' *t ' ■ A recent Isa^ue If the Gkisig^w "For* ward" declares; ■ ,". The cost of loving la Scotland Is higher than ia England "Critic" thought "loving" a misprint for "living" Ull his oyo caught the fotlowing m another column: An Englishman transferred to Scotland .and paid the English rate of wagea would Buffer a distinct hardship on account of the dearer cost of loving! % . Alter all, perhapa the Glesea "Keelle"* is right In that one cannot "love" unIcbs ho first ."live." - • ■ ■•• ' ,•■ The attitude of :he churches towards the gireat Labor unrest that ia finding utterance throughout the civilised world. . la pertineptly illustrated by the following srory:— A small boy who was laboriously* pushing a heavy hand cart up a steep hill, stopped every few minutes i« wipe the perspiration from his face. A clergyman watching him, and thinking to help the lad, cabled out: "Push it up xigstag, my UUlo friend, and you wUI And it go much easier." "Not so much to* yer bloomin* advice," replied the boy; "come .and give mo a chevc." Our sky- pirates ore constantly preaching "tho ifthole duty of man," but they liave never yet stopped from their pedestals to give the humanitarian movement a "shove." • • * A person who affects a dog-collar, a buttoned- up waistcoat and a shovel hat. speaking on the present Industrial unrest, said tho other Sunday: Working-men are always prepared to take advantage of maximum pay with the minimum of risk. . But if this aky-plrato would stop a moment to consider he would see that It's not' what the workers aro "prepared to take" that ia the determining factor.- All the same, it la wise to be prepared for the beat as well as the worst; though the former doesn't come with anything like the regularity ot Dm latter. Even with the help of bis union the worker finds difficulty m getting hold of a maximum pay bill. A union "demand", hasn't bUf the luck of a "call" from God~n>t yet! • # • "Critic" clips the following from *• recent issue Of the Queensland "Worker": Some time' ago, the Palis Municipal Council, on the motion of one of the Socialist members. passed* resolution authorising the Council to float a loan of not less than £8,000,000, wherewith to build workers* dwellings, tin rentn! ot these dwellings to be not higher than 4 per cent, ot ih» capital for the building of same, and preference to be given lv tenants with large families. The "Worker" add*: This is the kind of borrowing doctalisui sre In favor of. -Not Jf 1 nose ,t: " * a tha **°3 B *>' ,, • £o far as "CrHle's" »<udy of •octal {economies and "Cam War- banking article* doe*. SocMlstx are not m favor of borrowing—though "Critic* 4 regrets some Boc4aJi.Ha os wUI as some other* borrow and pay notajr*ln. What Soebtlbm. would do m such cant* i» to issue note* on the *eettrity. of the value of the buildings betng built *nd pay them out as the work proceeded. Then when the buildings are let, ***« note*, or all of them ibAt lav* not been lorn «<r .I*srtroyed, #ot»id be redeemed as the ruin* come m. Boodle shouldn't get a look m evto wtth a Hula loan at four p*r . c«m_ f Where Boeialnaa or others «eho mnUraland the science V.f banking are l* command of the political machine.